Certainties
by smileypv
Summary: Post6.22 story. How does Lorelai deal with the aftermath of her ultimatum and her night with Christopher? Still reeling from Lorelai's ultimatum, how will Luke figure out where they go from there when Anna and April begin to complicate his life even more?
1. Chapter 1

"_Who's that?"_

_"That's your Aunt Lorelai."_

_"Is she sick? I don't wear my nightgown when I'm sick."_

_"I'll explain it to you later. Have a good day at school."_

Lorelai's eyes opened and she focused on the window. Outside the sun was shining and she saw the breeze moving through the trees. She heard the street traffic and knew that life was going on as usual. She was not sure if hers, however, ever would again. Christopher lifted the covers and slid back into bed with her. When his arm encircled hers, she sucked in a breath.

_What have I done?_

After about a minute of Christopher's arm around her, Lorelai started to slip out from beneath him. She was quite uncertain about what had happened the previous night as she stood staring at Christopher and the bed.

"What are you doing?" she said, pointing at him, while clinging tightly to the blanket she had wrapped around herself.

Christopher sat up in bed and looked at her quizzically. He smiled slightly and just said, "What do you think _we're _doing?"

Lorelai just shook her hand and turned away from him. She began to pace back and forth in the limited range she could without tripping over the blanket. "I am engaged. I have a fiancé. Why am I naked in your bed? How did I get here?"

"Lor—" Christopher scooted toward the edge of the bed. He did not want to get too close to her for fear of her bolting.

"What happened?" Lorelai shouted back at him. When Christopher didn't respond, she could only take it as a confirmation of something she didn't wish to confirm. Bile rushed toward the back of her throat and she nearly vomited onto the cashmere wrapped around her. Instead she grabbed her clothes from a nearby chair and rushed into the adjoining bathroom. Christopher scrambled out of bed after her, trying to catch her before the door closed. Unsuccessful, the door caught him hard in the nose. He heard her wretch just once and squeezed his eyes in displeasure.

"Lor, are you all right?" he asked the door.

No answer. He asked again. Instead, he was greeted by the flash of blue and black sweeping by him as she knocked him aside.

"Where are you going?" Chris' words trailed behind her as she began to search for her bag.

Lorelai turned around and looked at him. "I'm leaving."

Christopher stood in front of her, trying to reassure her, to get her to slow down for a moment. "Don't leave. Stay. I'll make breakfast."

Lorelai flashed past him, bag in hand, unresponsive to his offer. She walked out of the bedroom and down the hall faster than he had seen her move in a long time.

He was on her heels as she swept open his front door and slammed it behind her. Christopher considered going after her, but figured that might not be his best move for now.

_I should let her simmer down first before I do or say anything else, _he thought. He walked back into the bedroom and laid across the bed's width. He face fell into the still warm depression she left in the pillowy top. Her natural scent, like baby powder tinged with a glimmer of sweat, filled his nostrils. _Dear God, please don't let me ruin this chance._

After she left, he decided to leave too. Out of the door, showered and dressed, ready for work. Though today was Saturday and the rest of the world bustled with relaxed activity, he scurried to work to sit at his desk, radio on and computer blinking patiently in front of him. This was the only place he felt safe. This was the only place he feels sane.

When she had appeared at his door last night, he had been happy to see her. He was always happy to see her. He listened to her talk, about Luke, about Rory, about Luke's daughter, but mostly about Luke. She wanted to marry him and have his child. She wanted to spend her life with Luke and something inside Christopher began to hurt.

The night before, Emily Gilmore had tried to set him up with the daughter of a friend. With Lorelai there, no less. Christopher was charming and funny and happy to watch Lorelai make a fool of herself trying to keep the woman distracted so that he didn't have to feel the pressure of the matchmakers sitting at the table with them. Inside he was terrified. He didn't want another woman. He didn't know if it would be possible for him to have another woman in his life. Sherry had done such a great job of bulldozing his life, leaving him alone with Gigi, foisting the role of father and mother onto him. Didn't she know that he was not the kind of guy to handle something like that?

But he was. At least Lorelai told him he was over and over again, which made him believe it. Every time he saw her, every time she asked about Gigi and he told her about what his daughter was up to at that particular moment, he wanted to tell her that she should be there with him, sharing this time with Gigi. _We didn't get to do that when it was Rory because I was an idiot. Can we do it now with Gigi? Can't you share this with me? _He couldn't ask that of her as much as he wanted to. Why should she share anything with him? He had been so irresponsible while she had been so responsible when Rory was young. While he was out cruising women and partying, she had been working and building a home for Rory. Now that he had a different life, though, now that he had Gigi and a home and a job and a fortune, he wanted to make it up to her. She had always been there in his mind and in his heart.

**Dreams last for so long  
Even after you're gone**

Now, though, after her reaction to waking up in his bed, after listening to her talk for hours about her life with Luke, he wondered if his love was real or a habit. Since their first kiss at fourteen, she had been a part of his life. She had been his first. They had been awkward in love and sex together. It was his child she had. Over the years she had tried, _they_ had tried to make a life together and it had never worked. Was it because their love was just a habit? Was it the chewing your fingernails kind of habit or something a bit more positive? Was she his default? Had he not found a wife because he was lazy and always counted on her to be there or because she was his _one? _As he continued to think, his gaze shifted toward his office windows. Outside the sun was shining and the breeze moved through the trees. He heard the street traffic and knew that life was going on as usual. He wondered if his usual life was the one he needed.

**I know you love me  
And soon I know you will see**

Lorelai was gone. She was in Stars Hollow and always had been. She had a life of her own and he was not sure that he could ever be a part of it like he had imagined before. She had never taken his money. She had always covered for him when he failed as a parent. She had helped him, but not since he had found out about Gigi had she shown the remotest bit of interest in him. Where had his mind and his heart been the whole time?

**You were meant for me and I was meant for you.**

_Now what? _Christopher had an idea, but he was not certain if it was the right one.

(Lyrics from Jewel's "You Were Meant for Me")


	2. Chapter 2

When Luke awoke, he was uncertain about when he went to sleep. He found his phone still clutched in his hand. He put it down on the bed next to him and tried to sit up. Sleeping in his clothes as he had left him feeling uncomfortable, even somewhat unwashed. Sitting up, he realized why he was in this position and he hung his head.

He had tried calling her all night. Her cell, her house. He was even tempted to call the Gilmores, but he knew that was the last place she would be. While he had wanted to call Rory, he was not sure if Lorelai would desire to trust or disturb her daughter with whatever issues he and her mother were having. He left a couple of messages on the machine and on her voicemail, but he knew something serious was up. First, she was unreachable, then she pops in last night with pleas to elope, and then she walks away and is unreachable again. What had he said that would make her retreat like that?

He didn't remember saying anything, that was the problem. She was issuing an ultimatum and he responded with the fact that he doesn't like ultimatums, which she should have known. Then she said something and, all of a sudden, he saw the back of her, growing smaller by the second. _Didn't she know that I don't just jump like that? _When she was gone, he walked back into the diner and continued his night like nothing had happened, angry about her demands on him. It wasn't until he had closed and was heading up the stairs that he even thought about what she meant. He stopped on the stairs and stood there thinking, _What does this mean? Where are we? _He needed to talk to her.

**The places I go are never there,**

**The places I go are never there.**

He called her again and again. Where could she be? As he dialed, he could see the two of them in his truck, her hand on his leg, both smiling. When was that? How long had it been since she had smiled like that? He was sad that he could not remember.

**Driving away from the wreck of the day  
And it's finally quiet in my head  
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed  
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up  
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up  
On love, On love**

Lorelai Gilmore could not be certain that she could be in love again. As she pulled into her driveway, the house's blue matching her own blues, she was convinced that not only would she lose Luke forever when he discovered her, well, momentary lapse of judgment, but he would be the last man she could ever have feelings for again. _Christopher, _she shut her eyes and silently cursed him for his very being. Nevermind that she should have known better, a fact she was already berating herself with, but he let her! Did he take advantage of the situation? When the thought flashed through her mind, she shook it off. It was she that had gone to him; now if only she could remember what else transpired between knocking on his front door and waking up to Gigi's voice. _Whatever, whatever, _she thought, _it doesn't matter right now_. All she knew was that life was not right. She looked at the house, its welcoming doors, the sunny newness of it all, and wondered if she could live there anymore, knowing. It looked a happiness that she had broken.

She climbed out of the Jeep and walked, swaying, toward the front door. Key in, turn, and the house opened up to her. Paul Anka came sweeping in, looking almost angry in his sad sack sort of way, and Lorelai instantly felt worse.

"Oh, no, Paul Anka. Mommy is so sorry!" She knelt down to pet her friend and to give him a kiss. Paul Anka retreated from her and jogged into the kitchen. She followed him and he presented her with blame for her absence: with no one to walk him or check on him last night, he had had to relieve himself somewhere and he chose under the kitchen table for that. Lorelai grimaced, but hugged Paul Anka anyway and apologized again. He knew what to do; she just wasn't there to do it. Yet another mess that was her fault. Lorelai shook her head and cursed her track record over the past twenty-four hours. She grabbed the cleaning supplies and got down on her knees to clean up the dog's accidents.

"Boy, Paul Anka, Mommy really is making a mess out of things right now." Lorelai talked to the dog as she cleaned. He looked at her quizzically and seemed to sense the despair inherent in her statement. He licked her face and nuzzled her. Lorelai sat back on her knees and put a hand on the dog's head. She gave him the biggest smile she could manage and closed her eyes as the dog moved again to lick her face. Behind her eyes, though, she saw Christopher's arm around her and Luke's face before she walked away. He was so puzzled and angry at that moment. Christopher, though, was smiling, as if this were Christmas morning and Santa had brought him what he had asked for. Lorelai, though, just hung her head in shame. She had not cried yet. She had been too angry on the drive back from Boston. Now she just didn't want to. The moment she started, she was afraid that she would never stop. The past year had been so exhausting and being the woman that she was, she had not allowed herself many moments to feel everything. Instead, she walked around feeling like she was holding her breath.

When she and Rory had fallen out, she spent those months in a sort of holding pattern, waiting for her daughter to come to her senses, but at the same time _trying_ to be somewhat normal. She ran the Inn. She and Luke went out, stayed in, and even talked about what was going on a little. Hell, _she proposed to him_, a monumental step that had nothing and everything to do with Rory's decisions. But she had handled everything the best way she knew how, which meant by herself. She would feel a hitch in her side every once in a while and she knew it was because she hoped that at any moment her daughter would come back to her and they would be whole again. When Rory did, she thought that hitch would go away, but it did not and it nagged at her still as she and Sookie planned the wedding.

When Luke told her about April, she realized that she was still holding her breath. She tried to exhale, but somehow the look on his face and the knowledge that he had waited two months to tell her would not let her relax. She tried to give him space, even suggesting—casually, mind you, never with the intent that it would happen—that they postpone the wedding until Luke had everything handled. He had done the same for her when she and Rory were estranged, so she could not argue too much when he agreed to the postponement. She had wished for reassurances at that moment and at so many others. They would sit there at dinner as if life were no different and all she could think as he talked about April was _Are we going to get married? Do you still love me? Can I count on you still? Can I trust you? _But she never asked those questions, no matter how much she wanted to. He needed space and she was going to give it to him, despite the questions from Rory which made her madder, not at her daughter or Luke, but at herself, for wanting to ask those questions herself, for being impatient. Then, when she found out about her parents' intentions, that beautiful house, she could find no one to be angry at except herself. Now she was angry that their prolonged engagement was making her sad, that she could not continue to do what he had asked of her, and, finally, the hardest thing to admit—that she was jealous of a thirteen-year-old girl who had never known her father until now. She felt like April was stealing Luke from her and she did not like it, despite the fact that she did like April, who reminded her so much of Rory.

So she stood in the realtor's office, in front of her mother no less, crying and admitting out loud finally that the wedding was not going to happen. Was that her fear or her desire? Did she not want to marry him anymore? Had he disappointed her so much that she was ready to give up altogether? Lorelai was trying to answer that question when the phone rang.

In her reverie, Lorelai had come to sit on the floor, but the phone's ring made her leap to her feet to run to answer it. As it rang a second time, she reached to answer it, then reconsidered. Who could it be? Rory? Luke? Christopher? Rather than risk an encounter she did not want to have, Lorelai watched the phone continue to ring and then the machine pick up. She waited for the message to play so she could hear who it was calling her.

"Lorelai, it's me." _Luke_. "I tried calling your house and your cell last night, but I did not get an answer." Pause. "We need to talk. Call me." She could not parse a certain tone, but perhaps he felt as tentative as she did. _What now? What next? What have I done?_ Lorelai realized that she had not listened to her messages so she hit the machine's button to hear what he had said last night.

The first message was Sookie just checking up on her. The second and third were Luke, saying just what he said in what became the fourth message. She could not tell what he was feeling or thinking. He was sort of flat, as if he were tired. God, she wanted to call him. She wanted to ask him what to do next. She wanted him to answer her _Now What?_, but her avoidance of him and then her outburst at the diner the night before probably made him less than receptive right now. Would she get a straight answer from him anyway? More and more she heard him say "April," like he was still getting his head around her, so much so that he had neglected everything else. His life had separate pieces, just as hers did with Rory, the Inn, her family, and him, but she had done everything she could to sew it all together; Luke, on the other hand, seemed to drop, purposefully or not, other parts of his life in order to take in this new portion. This meant that she had been dropped as well. Lorelai sighed, pushed her hair back from her eyes and rested a hand on her forehead. She just could not go there right now.

She checked her cell, which she had turned off when she had gone over to Christopher's. Same messages from Luke and one from Rory, obviously left this morning. Logan was gone now, she said, and Lorelai was sure her daughter needed someone to talk to. She hit redial and waited for Rory to pick up.

"Mom…"

"Hey, sweets, how are you?"

"Mom, " Rory sounded tearful on the other end. "He's gone."

"I know, hon. What are you doing?"

"Well, I've been cleaning the apartment and trying to make a list of stuff to do this summer. I have to take a couple of classes to finish the catch-up portion of this school year and I have my work at the newspaper."

"It sounds like you have plenty to keep you busy."

"Yeah, I know. I've just never missed a guy like this before. When I broke up with Dean, there was Jess. When Jess left, I knew he was not coming back so it was like a break-up. I'm really not sure what to do with myself right now. Logan's gone, but he's not gone _gone_. You know what I mean?"

"Well, you two will talk and exchange emails. You could even do video letters to him if you wanted so that he can see you."

"We could. I'm just afraid I'll cry through them."

"You might at first, but you will get used to him being gone. It happens. Time will help with that. Before you know it, a year will have passed."

Rory was quiet on the other end for a moment. Lorelai heard her blow her nose and then she came back on the line to change the subject. "So what's going on with you?"

_Well, I told Luke it was now or never, which did not go over very well, and then I went to your dad's apartment and woke up this morning naked in his bed. _As much as she wanted to tell her daughter that, she could never burden Rory with her angst when clearly Rory had sadness of her own. "Oh, nothing much." Lorelai began to fidget while she stood there. Perhaps the fidgeting would help her not tell Rory what was going on.

"How's Luke?" Rory inquired.

"He's fine. April is preoccupying him still. I'm not sure what the fallout from the birthday party will be. Anna was still angry that he let me spend the night with the girls. I can't say that I blame her…"

"But this could all have been avoided if he had introduced you to her earlier." She heard Rory rustle something while she talked. Knowing Rory was right and unwilling to talk about it should Rory pursue the topic, she decided that her daughter needed distraction so Lorelai offered to get off the phone so that Rory could go on with her day. Rory acquiesced and the Gilmore girls said goodbye.

Lorelai sat down as soon as she was off the phone. She did not know what to do next. She couldn't call Luke, couldn't go to the diner; she was far too mortified to leave the house. She could not tell Sookie, who would be disappointed in her for running to Christopher. She was far too angry with Chris to think about calling him for anything, let alone advice. Instead she felt rooted to the sofa. She asked herself _"Now what?" _over and over again, to the point that she soon found that she was saying it aloud. She shouted it again and heard it reverberate off the walls. When no answer came, she began to cry, but before two big tears could escape her eyes, she was overtaken by a wave of nausea. She nearly tripped over Paul Anka running up the stairs to the bathroom. There, she nearly fell hurrying to vomit into the toilet, tears streaming down her face as her body convulsed once more.

Despite her misery, Lorelai found herself at work on Monday. Then again on Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Somehow she got there. She wouldn't remember getting in the Jeep. She found herself drinking tea rather than coffee, like drinking coffee, though it wasn't Luke's, was enough to remind her of her loss. The nausea hung out alongside the regret, both shadowing her as she moved about her day. Sure, she could smile and check people in and out. But she wouldn't remember her day once she got home. She ordered from every take-out place that delivered so she didn't have to go into town. She evaded Sookie's questions and Babette's looks as much as possible. She slept on Rory's bed because laying down on her own brought back too many memories. The first night, her bed seemed angry with her; she fell out of it twice. She hadn't gone back since. Paul Anka was her only company. Luke had not called since Sunday.

By Tuesday, she hadn't called. She had not come by the diner either nor had Luke seen her walk or drive through the town. Her coffee cup looked sad and a little deflated sitting on the shelf; when he asked himself if it missed her almost as much as he did, he had to laugh.

It was like their first break-up, when he told her that he didn't think he could be in this relationship. He would never forget her face at that moment; her eyes registered this devastation that he had never seen. He had to walk away because it killed him to know that he had done that to her. He was angry with her and then himself, though he would not have admitted it at the time. He saw that same look again the other night and again he found himself in the same place: angry with her and himself. He felt guilty about that look, but she wouldn't listen to him, she wouldn't reason with him. She went on and on and all he wanted to her to do was stop for a moment. Stubborn to the end, much like him, she hadn't and then she was gone.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he feared that this was not going to be so easy to overcome as the previous breakup.

Much as before, he felt inert. He did not want to call her until she called him; he was tired of putting himself out there and not getting a response. He did not want to go by her house because, if she wasn't going to call him, how would she react to seeing him? He wasn't sure how he would react to her anyway; ultimatums were the quickest way to turn him into a jerk and he did not want to be a jerk when there was so much on the line.

So he sat waiting. He was distracted. He would somehow get through the day, but he would not remember getting up or closing. He would remember that people had been in, but could not remember what they said to him. Kirk didn't even register, even though he was in at least once a day, bugging Luke with crazy questions and pleas for advice. Miraculously, Taylor was staying out of his hair. With the troubadours gone, Taylor was a much more pleasant man, keeping busy with the ice cream shoppe and laying off the busybodiness for now.

So Luke danced with distraction and let his inertia carry him forward to Friday.

Friday morning, he realized that it had been a week since he saw her and spoke to her last, if he could call their loud battle on the street a conversation. He spoke, she spoke, but were either of them getting anywhere? Neither of them had called the other. Miss Patty reported seeing Lorelai's Jeep at the Inn and Babette told of seeing her go to work and come home, but no other movement than that. "I think she's avoiding me, " Babette groused to Patty. Luke might rue the rumor mill, but he had to admit that the town gossips came in handy sometimes.

If she was going to work, then he could catch her at the Inn. Though he still wanted to wait her out, to see if she would come to him, he tired of the distraction and the uncertainty and decided to take action. He would go to the Dragonfly and talk to her there, even if that mean cornering her against her wishes.

After the breakfast rush, Luke excused himself from the diner, leaving Lane in charge as he walked to the Dragonfly. When he walked into the Inn, Lorelai and Michel were both at the front desk. They looked up to see who had come in and Lorelai froze when she saw it was him. He saw her glance around for escape, but he purposely moved fast to prevent a fleeing. Her office door stood open behind the desk; Luke pointed toward the doorway and walked in.

"Michel, will you please watch the desk for a few minutes?" he heard her ask Michel stiffly. The Frenchman murmured something rude to her about always being left alone, but Lorelai walked into the office anyway, closing the door behind her. She stood behind her desk and he stood in front of it, her with her arms crossed and him fidgeting with his hands. The question of how to begin this conversation hung in the air.

"It's been a week since I heard from you."

"I know. I'm sorry—"

"I left messages on your home phone, your cell phone. I nearly called Rory, but I figured I would hear from you so why bother her?"

"Look, I know. I got those messages. I just didn't know what to say."

"How about saying, 'Hey, Luke, I'm OK'? How about 'we should talk, you and me'?"

"That night, we said so much. I didn't know where to begin. Do I begin with, 'Hey, why won't you marry me?' or with 'Now where do I fit in?' How about 'Forget about eloping, forget about the last two years, forget about me'?"

"I didn't know what to say either. I still don't. I just wanted to know that you were OK."

Lorelai threw her hands up. "Well, here I am. I'm OK. You're OK. We're both OK. It's a peachy keen kind of day."

"What is your problem? Why are you so angry with me? I thought we had everything worked out. I thought you understood."

"Understood what? That you don't want to marry me anymore?"

"I never said that I didn't want to marry you. I just said that I wanted to wait. I just couldn't jump into marrying you at that moment."

"How about now?"

"Lorelai—"

"You can marry Nicole, a woman you barely knew, on a whim, but you can't marry me who you have known for years?"

"I told you it was complicated, that I had to deal with April. I did not want to go in to the marriage with that kind of turmoil over our heads."

"_Why not?_ What am I here for? Aren't I supposed to help you? Aren't I supposed to support you? We could have dealt with April together. It's our life, not just yours. How can we be together, have one life if you continue to think of it as just yours?"

"I'm not! I told you that I wanted everything to be settled before we got married. I did not want to ask you to deal with this; I wanted to do it myself. She's my child."

"Come on, Luke. You knew about her for two months before you told me. It's been eight months since you found out…"

"I never said no to eloping; I just said that we should wait and think about what we were doing."

"But it's not just about you and you want to do. It's about us. It's about our life. April will be a part of that, just like Rory is a part of our life now. What is the difference between being engaged and being married? No matter what we are, life will change how she fits into our lives, her mother will affect how she fits into our lives."

"I just feel like I can't go wholeheartedly into a marriage, especially this marriage, if I don't have all of my ducks in a row and this is a pretty big duck. I need to deal with this or I can't be the man I want to be in this relationship."

Lorelai stopped. They both stood there in her office, still poised to shout at each other. He was there and, despite her best efforts to reason with him, he made sense. She knew how important it was for him to be who he thought he could be, the man his father was. Would Luke's father have gone into a marriage in a state of confusion? Lorelai shook her head and lamented her impatience. She apparently was in too much of a hurry to be happy. "I just wanted to be married to you. I was afraid it was not going to happen. I could see it, though, that there would be something else. Once April was resolved, then it would be another obstacle, another thing that you or I have to deal with that will push this back even farther. I could not see the end of the road; all I could see was this point, at the bottom of the hill. I could see the climb up, I could almost see the top, but I could never see beyond it. Am I on the other side of the hill with you? Do I make it over too? I couldn't see it. I couldn't see you." Nausea washed over her again and she leaned against the desk for support. "You're right. I understand."

Luke did not know what to do next. She saw his point of view finally, but now what did they do? What did she want to do? Just as he was about to ask her that, he heard "That night..." escape from her lips.

**I worry  
I weigh three times my body  
**

She had turned around, away from him. She had a hand on the bookcase behind her desk and she was playing with the knick-knacks scattered around the shelves. "That night, after I left, I went over to Christopher's."

Luke knew that no good could come of anything involved with Christopher Hayden. Luke was still sore over Christopher's involvement in his and Lorelai's breakup last year as well as Lorelai's habit of hiding her conversations with him. With the way she was not facing him, he knew that what was coming next may be something he didn't want to hear.

**I worry  
I throw my fear around**

Lorelai couldn't face him when she said it. He didn't want to see her cry, he didn't want to see her break. She thought she would shatter in to a million pieces. _I don't deserve to be whole. I don't deserve this life. _

"I went over to Christopher's and I woke up the next morning in his bed. I don't know what happened; I don't remember how I ended up there. I know how I got to his place. I remember walking into his apartment, but I don't remember how I came to be in bed with him." She pressed her hand to her lips to stifle the crying she wanted to do.

Luke wanted to cry. He stood there in her office with her five feet away and felt like she had suckerpunched him. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. They must have stood there silent for at least five minutes when a knock peppered the door. "Lorelai, the insufferable molasses people are on the phone again. Do you want to talk to them?"

**So much wasted in the afternoon  
So much sacred in the month of June**

Lorelai needed a bathroom. She needed to vomit her miseries into clean water. She wanted to cleanse them, even if it were just for a moment. "I'm coming, Michel" and she flashed past Luke like he wasn't there. Instead of heading for the phone, she headed for the nearest bathroom, but Luke just stood there, unaware of the busyness around him. He walked out of the office, through the lobby, and out into sunshine that he couldn't feel.

(Lyrics – Sam Phillips, "Taking Pictures"; Anna Nalick, "Wreck of the Day"; John Mayer, "Clarity")


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

April Nardini certainly looked forward to her twice-weekly visits to her dad's diner. It had only been about eight months since she discovered her biological father, but she already felt at home in his world, even if it was for only a few hours each time. With the end of school approaching, she wanted to spend more time with Luke and was looking for ways to extract that quality time out of her mother. Anna's reluctance to let April spend as much time as she would like in Stars Hollow frustrated her, but she knew that all she had to do was be open to all possibilities and she could come up with a plan.

This day, a Tuesday, she was at the diner, sitting at the counter working on her final bevy of assignments for the school year. End-of-year assignments almost always kept her busy for a couple of weeks solid, but she enjoyed doing some of that work with Luke around. She asked him questions even though she knew she probably stumped him most of the time. He would read her essays and help her decide if they needed changes. To her surprise, he was good with the written word, even though he seemed a man of few words most of the time. That was something else about him that she got a thrill from knowing.

She had been thinking about Lorelai every time she came to the diner. Her birthday party, which started off as a questionable idea when her dad was in charge, was a smashing success that her friends still talked about weeks after the fact. A couple of them even said that she was lucky to have Lorelai as her future stepmother; their stepmothers were more like stepmonsters. April had to agree with them about Lorelai's coolness factor. The brief moments spent talking to Rory in Philadelphia and hearing about Rory from Luke and others made her think that Lorelai must be a great mom to have. Having not seen Luke's fiancée since the party, she decided to ask Luke about her.

"Hey, Luke—"

Her dad was filling ketchup and mustard bottles, trying very hard not to overfill any of them as he squeezed into each. "Yeah?"

"How come I don't see Lorelai much when I'm here in Stars Hollow?"

Luke stopped in the middle of a squeeze, squirting ketchup on one hand. Flustered, he wiped off that hand with a rag and walked over to April. He seemed sad that she had mentioned Lorelai, but she was curious and he was the person to ask. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I've been coming here for, what, six months now and I've only seen her a couple of times. If she is your fiancée, how come she does not come into the diner more?"

"She came—uh, comes—in every day, just not during the time you are here. Usually, she is at work during those hours."

"She doesn't work all day, though. I sometimes stay as late as nine o'clock here."

Luke was at a loss as to how to answer April's questions. _How do I tell her that I was afraid of her liking Lorelai more than me without sounding like an idiot? _He certainly felt stupid when he had said it to Lorelai while they were shopping for April's birthday. The situation was made more difficult by the fact that he was still smarting from Lorelai's revelations about her whereabouts that Friday night. It had been about four days since she told him and he had yet to process the information totally. "I did not want to force her on you. All of this with me and you is still new and I did not want to freak you out too much."

"So? She is a part of your life. You plan to marry her; if she is going to be my stepmother, I would like to get to know her more. Mom would do the same if she were going to marry someone."

"Yeah, but you live with your mother and she wants to keep an eye out for you. I could not allow you to spend a lot of time with Lorelai unless I talked to her about it first. She might not like you being bombarded with so many new people in your life."

That seemed to pacify April for the moment. Despite her age, April could empathize with her mother. She understood why her mother wanted to know who April was spending time with anywhere she went: school, Stars Hollow, field trips, etc. She wanted to protect April, but, even knowing her mother's good intentions, April still wished that she had more freedom in choosing her company. She went back to her homework for a few minutes, but the topic continued to nag at her.

"Were you afraid to introduce me to Lorelai because you were worried that I would like her more than you?"

Luke was dumbfounded by April's question. Despite her age, she seemed to be able to hone in on the situation and analyze it. She certainly was smart. "Well—," he tried not to appear embarrassed, but he felt a slight flush creeping up his neck.

"It's not stupid to think that way. " She looked at him over the rims of her glasses. "I mean, here you are, meeting a child you didn't know you had for years. Your first instinct is that you want me to like you, but you're not exactly Kid Guy. Your fiancée, however, is Super Mom. I would expect you to want to get to know me first before introducing me to Lorelai."

"How do you know I'm not Kid Guy?"

"Come on, you still ask me Kid Questions. You didn't know that I was old enough to like boys."

Luke sighed. "Right." April watched him become distracted again.

"So is that why I haven't spent more time with her?"

"Is what why?"

"Because you wanted me to get to know you first?"

"Sure, that's it."

"Well, now that we have had a few months together, I would like to hang out here more, maybe go over to Lorelai's house and we can do something together. If you guys are going to get married, then I want to get to know my stepmother."

Luke looked at her questioningly. April hesitated and started her homework again. He went back to filling condiment bottles, but every once in a while he would glance up at her to see if she was concentrating on her homework or just waiting for his answer. He couldn't answer her because he could bring himself to say that Lorelai probably was not going to be her stepmother after all, that he was not sure if he could ever speak to her again, let alone forgive her for issuing an ultimatum and running away when she didn't get the answer she wanted, for instead going to Christopher and waking up in his bed. Most of all, though, he did not want to explain some lingering anger at himself, for allowing things with Lorelai to get to this point, for ignoring her and her sadness.

Luke had never been good with change. He could handle it, but handling it for him meant putting everything else on the backburner until he had a grasp on the new thing. It took him awhile before he realized that he needed to make room for Jess. His nephew had been with him several months before it hit Luke that he needed to have a bigger apartment. It took him eight years before he realized that he was in love with Lorelai. He had an inkling about why he was like this. The loss of his mother followed a few years later by the loss of his father brought more than enough change to his life. To deal with all of that, along with Liz and the hardware store and questions about college and the direction of his life, Luke just could not do any more change.

With Jess, it had all worked out; to his credit, Luke, with help from Rory, got Jess back on track. Surely the same would happen with April, right? He was this guy, a father, right? The one person he knew would answer that for him was not there and Luke was angry about that. Suddenly, what he had lost, his faith in Lorelai, hit him. He could never trust her again. They would never be _them _again. She would not get to know April. He would not have her to consult with when the questions of parenthood arose. He would have to do it all himself; he ignored his role in her estrangement and focused on the thought that instead of waiting for a few minutes, for an hour, so that they could talk about her panic that night, she had preferred instead to push him one way and then run the other when he pushed back. At that moment, he needed to know _why_.

Luke never answered April's request to get to know Lorelai better. April figured that this quest to be more a part of Luke's life was doable, but she knew Luke would have to lay the groundwork with her mother before she could continue with it. Soon April would be more a part of the world her mother had left behind, the one her father inhabited with his own family and friends around. She knew her mother's world; now she wanted to know her father's.

After he dropped April off at Anna's, Luke drove the familiar route to the Gilmore home. He had not been to the house since that Friday, when he had come in looking for Lorelai, finding Miss Patty there instead. Pulling up in the driveway, his father's boat still poked out of the garage, unfinished, he looked for lights in the house. Her Jeep was there so she had to be home, but she had been so good at eluding him recently that he wondered if she had snuck out the back door when she saw him pulling up.

He rapped loudly on the glass of the front door, trying to make the sharpest noise possible so that she could not ignore him. He was ready for her, ready to ask her _why_, feeling the unhappiness and anger in him begging for satisfaction.

The rapping knock on her door woke Lorelai up from a sound slumber. She had come home from the Inn and collapsed on the couch; her mind thick with sleep, she tried to remember if she had eaten, but her stomach registered otherwise. She was slow in rising from the sofa, feeling the crick in her neck from the awkward sleeping position she had woken up in. When the rapping sounded again, she called out a sleepy "Coming! Coming!" and started mumbling under her breath about late hours (it was not quite ten p.m.) and late guests.

Opening the door and seeing Luke there cleared any sleepy fog that still occupied her brain. Before she could ask what he was doing there, he swept past her into the house and sat down in one of the chairs opposite the sofa. She sat down on the sofa, facing him. He drummed his fingers on the chair's arm; she saw the flush creeping up his neck and the slight snarl developing around his nose and felt a rant coming on. She knew it would be directed at her. She knew it would be bad.

Nausea sent her reeling for a moment as she waited for Luke to say something. She thought she would pass out the feeling was so strong. She managed to shrug it off. Lorelai willed Luke to open his mouth because she certainly was at a loss for what to say.

"How could you?" It was quiet, a whisper, and she barely heard it because Luke had buried his head in his hands. She sucked in a breath and held it.

"Oh, Luke—"

"How could you?" his head flashed up and his eyes locked on hers. He was furious and she knew that he had every right to be. She wanted to answer him; she wanted to explain. _What can I say? _she asked herself, _He's right. How could I?_ She could not explain this one away.

"I'm sorry, Luke. I really am."

"I don't want your apologies, Lorelai. You are not the only one who is sorry. I just want to know why."

"I was hurting, Luke. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I just ran."

"Yes, you ran. You do that every time things get hard. But you didn't run to Rory or Sookie or your parents. You ran to Christopher. And you ended up in his bed. It seems to me like you knew exactly what you were doing."

"What? What are you saying? That I was waiting for something to happen between us to have an excuse to go back to Chris?"

"For all I know, it's true. The way you have been behaving lately, the way you behaved that night. You've been distant, Lorelai. I didn't hear from you for a day or so before you show up at the diner, begging to elope. Then you disappear again for several days. How do you think that looks now, now that I know where you were?"

"I know it looks like something, but it's not that. I'm sorry I ran, I'm sorry I chose Christopher. I wish I had had somewhere else to go."

"You did. You could have gone upstairs and we could have talked. You could have gone home and called Rory. You could have gotten really drunk and then passed out in your house. You could have called from New Hampshire for all I care, but how could you? How could you run to him, knowing what he has done to you and to me in the past?"

"He's my friend. We have a history together, grew up together in the same place with the same expectations that weren't met. We have Rory."

"So? You and I have history. We have known each other for ten years. We're engaged for God's sake. Doesn't that count for anything? Why didn't you trust me to be there for you?"

They were standing now, shouting at each other. Lorelai ignored the bile simmering at the back of her throat. The discomfort in her stomach was pushed down by the anger and frustration with Luke and herself and their situation that she felt right now. She had to get it out. It might be her last chance to say it.

"You haven't been there, Luke. You have been so wrapped up in April that you haven't seen me. I felt like we were never going to get married. I stood up on stage, drunk, at Lane's wedding, not singing 'Endless Love' like Miss Patty told you. I was rambling on and on about how I was not going to get married, how it was never going to happen. I embarrassed myself up there crying over how a twenty-one-year-old was getting married before me. I have been waiting for you, Luke, to tell me when this was going to happen because I didn't think it ever would."

"I have told you over and over that I had to think about April first."

"And I told you that I went to Anna and talked to her about it. She said that it would be different once we were married. Obviously, she didn't share that with you."

"You weren't supposed to go to Anna. You were supposed to let me handle it."

"Why can't I handle it with you? Why won't you let me? You want me to be your wife? Then let me act like it, let me help you, let me support you."

"It's too late for this, Lorelai. We have been through this. We could have worked something out, but you killed that chance. I cannot be with someone I cannot trust and I cannot trust you. How do I know that the moment we have a disagreement you won't jump back into bed with Christopher again?"

Lorelai was silent at that comment. He didn't trust her; how was she to overcome that? She did this. She broke it and she could not fix it again. She knew it and she deserved anything that he might say to her. She deserved his scorn. Nothing she could do would fix it again.

"This is it. I cannot be in this relationship anymore. I cannot be with you because I will always wonder if there is something you are not telling me. I cannot get the image of you with that man out of my head. How could you? How could you let him do this to us again?" Luke looked down at his hands, clutched into hard fists and shook his head. He looked at her again with a plaintive expression of sadness, like someone who has just learned that someone important to him is dead.

"How could you do this to me, Lorelai? How" Luke sat back down in the chair and covered his face with his hands. She could hear his muffled crying. She swallowed hard and looked down at her left hand. The diamond sparkled at her, innocent of the heartbreak around it. _I have broken this_, she thought, _I have shattered everything. _She took the ring off and clutched it in her hand.

**'Cuz love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love  
I'm just falling to pieces**

She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. He swatted her hand away and she grimaced.

"For what it's worth, Luke, I'm sorry. I am sorry that I caused you all of this pain. I never meant to. I love you." She wiped away her own tears and held out her hand.

On it laid the ring. Luke looked at it, then her, and picked it up. He fingered it for a moment and stood up to go.

**And if this is giving up then I'm giving up  
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up  
On love, On love**

Lorelai watched him go. He was slow in walking away and she was glad that she could watch him be there just a few seconds longer. When he closed the front door behind him, she broke out into loud sobs, crying louder and harder than she ever had before. She stood there, looking at the front door, and screamed.

She didn't know that he had stopped on the front porch, that he had sat down on the steps and waited to regain his composure before continuing on. He heard her sobs and then her scream. He fought with himself over going in to comfort her. He just wanted to hold her and whisper calming reassurances to her. He had never heard her cry like that, though, and it scared him. _I did that to her, _he thought and suddenly he was angry with himself. He slipped the engagement ring in his pocket and walked away.

Rory walked in from her morning study session to the sound of the phone ringing. She scurried across the apartment, dropping her books on the sofa, and lunged for the phone. "Hello?" she said, breathless.

"Rory?"

"Hey, Lane, what's up? How's Zack?"

"Zack is good. We're having fun being married, but Brian is still complaining about having to move out. I think he misses us."

"That is to be expected. You and Zack are very much missable."

"Well, thanks. How is your mom doing?"

"Mom's fine as far as I know."

"So she's taking this thing with Luke better than I had expected."

"What thing with Luke?"

Rory heard Lane gasp. "Oh my God, you haven't heard."

"Heard about what?"

"I think your mom and Luke broke up."

"Broke up? They've been having a hard time recently, but Mom hasn't said anything about breaking the engagement."

"Well, something happened. Luke's been sitting out in the gazebo in the town square all morning. I went out there and sat with him for a few minutes. He's got Lorelai's engagement ring and is just sitting there staring at it, not talking. I think something serious has happened."

"I'll say. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I will call you back when I know something, Lane."

"OK, please do. I've never seen him so shaken up before. I am afraid of the rumor mill bombarding me with questions that I can't answer."

"Let me talk to Mom. Meanwhile, will you keep an eye on Luke for me, please?"

"I will" and the two girls hung up. Rory dialed her home number first and got no answer. She dialed her mother's cell and got a muffled "Hello" from the other end.

"Mom, are you OK?"

"Rory?" Lorelai sounded hoarse and sad and Rory knew it was bad.

"Mom, what's the matter? Talk to me."

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Can I call you back?"

"Mom, please talk to me. Lane called me and said that something bad had gone down between you and Luke. He's sitting out in the gazebo in the town square, staring at your engagement ring."

"Rory, I have to go throw up now," and Rory heard the phone switch off. She sighed.

In her mind, she asked Logan why he wasn't there. He would help her with this. He would give her the strength if not the insight into the best way to help her mother. If the engagement was off, if something had happened that would break her mother and Luke up, she wasn't sure she could help her mother handle it. Rory was already sad at the thought that Luke might not be her stepdad after all.

The ringing of her phone broke her concentration. She looked at her called ID and found that it was her dad. "Dad?"

"Rory? How's your mother?"

"Not too good. Something happened between her and Luke. I called her a few minutes ago, but she said something about having to throw up and hung up on me."

Christopher was silent on the other end. He knew something, Rory decided. He had to. "Dad, has Mom talked to you in the last week or so?"

"She might have."

"Dad, I don't have time for this. If you know something about what has happened between Mom and Luke, if she called you and filled you in, whatever, tell me."

"She came over Friday night before last. She and Luke had apparently had some sort of disagreement. She came over and we talked and did a little bit of drinking."

"Is that it?"

Christopher was silent. Rory heard him clear his throat and a small voice said "No."

"No?"

"She spent the night. With me. In my bed."

Rory hit the End button on her phone. If she had been standing in the same room with him, she probably would have hit him or yelled at him. "What is happening here?" she asked the silence of the apartment. She gathered some clothes, stuffed them in a bag, grabbed her schoolbooks, and took off for Stars Hollow.

Luke sat in the gazebo alone with Lorelai's ring. It was a beautiful summer day and he squinted in the bright sunshine. Around him, the townspeople went about their day, shopping, working. She heard Gypsy yelling at the car she was working and listened to the swing music blasting from Miss Patty's studio as she taught her Seniors Swing! class. He watched people walk in and out of his diner. Life was going on around him. With her ring in his hand, he felt like his life would never be right again.

He had yelled at her the night before. He heard her scream again in his mind and he grimaced each time he thought of it. _I was angry, justifiably so, but no one deserves to be that sad_. He regretted his tone, his harsh words. He regretted crying in front of her because he knew that she already felt guilty about what had happened. She had apologized so many times that it was plainly obvious she was suffering. She handed him the ring and then he left and he heard her scream. He had never heard anything like it. She had cried in front of him before; he had seen her fall apart and knew the sounds. But to scream like that? He found it hard to breathe when he thought about the previous night.

He was angry with her and that was not going to change anytime soon. He would expect her to feel the same way if she were in his shoes. But now he saw what it had been like for her these last few months. Something clicked in his brain and he remembered her face, how sad she looked. He remembered how hesitant she had been, as if she were begging him to read her, but he was so caught up in April that he had not seen it. His anger at her was now tempered with anger at himself, because he knew he was partly responsible for these two broken lives.

**I have stood here before inside the pouring rain  
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain**

He questioned the viability of a life without her. He questioned his own ability to go on without her. He pulled a thin leather cord out of his pocket and strung the engagement ring on it. He tied it and then looped it over his head, tucking the cord and ring under his shirt.

When it began to rain a few minutes later, Luke stepped out into it, holding his arms out to feel the warm drops on his arms.

**I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign  
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain**

He let the rain fall on him, let himself become soaked, let the drops run down his face. He let the rain wash away his tears.

Rory had not been there five minutes when her mother laid a weary head on her shoulder. They talked about what happened, about the ultimatum, about her mother waking up at Christopher's the next morning, about the two shouting matches her mother and Luke had had since that Friday night. Rory listened to her mother confess her jealousy of April, her insecurity about Luke, her regret about running to Christopher. Rory found herself unable to think of the right thing to say and told her mother that.

"I don't expect you to have the answers, hon. I'm just glad you are here to listen to me."

"Why didn't you call me, Mom? Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

Lorelai looked at her beautiful daughter and touched her concerned face. "Rory, you have had something difficult and sad happen to you recently. I am a grown-up; I can handle myself."

"Mom, this is bigger than just a minor crisis with the car. This is your life. You have had a tumultuous year and it just got worse."

"Yeah, and it's all my fault. I'm the one who was impatient. I'm the one who ran. I'm the one who ended up in the wrong man's bed." Lorelai closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead with her hand.

Rory didn't like her mother blaming herself. She knew that her mother had done something stupid, but Luke shared some of the blame for this. He had mishandled the situation with April and now what was a difficult but manageable situation had become a broken engagement and a possibly irreparable rift. Rory sensed her father also had a hand in the havoc, but she was not sure how much he figured into it yet.

Her mother broke her reverie. "It's all about to get much, much worse, Rory," her mother said. Rory wondered if that was possible.

"How, Mom?"

"I'm pregnant."

When Rory left on Sunday, the refrigerator and cupboards were both full of food. She had helped Lorelai with laundry and some cleaning. She bought her mother two more pregnancy tests (in Litchfield, of course, so that no one in Stars Hollow could become suspicious) and stood there with her as they both confirmed what her mother had already told her. Rory promised to call every day and left an open-ended invitation for her mother to stay with her in Hartford. Silently, Rory promised herself that she would do what she could to get to the bottom of what had happened between her father, her mother, and Luke.

Lorelai held her daughter as long as she could before Rory left again. Now that she had told Rory about the baby it felt more real and she started to talk to it. She sat there in her bed, finally comfortable in it, ready to face its memories again, and contemplated what to do next. She knew that she could do it again; being a single mom at her age would be much easier than it was when she had Rory. Plus she had Rory and friends to help her this time whereas before it had been just Mia.

The unknown was Luke. Christopher knew that Rory existed, but chose not to be a part of her life until she was older. She wasn't sure what Luke would do. Would Luke reject this child because it was hers? Should she even tell him? A nagging thought asked her if she was sure it was Luke's. It couldn't be Christopher's; it had only been a little over a week since that night. No, this was Luke's; she could remember that night that this might have happened. So she had a little bit of Luke growing inside her. She would never have him again, but at least she could have a piece of him with her. _William_, she looked down at her stomach and told it _I will name you William if you are a boy_. Luke would like that.

She thought about living in Stars Hollow now. She could not order takeout forever. Rory had gone to the store for her this time, but she would have to go again soon. She would have to find a doctor and a hospital and buy everything the baby would need. The house suddenly seemed smaller. She needed at least one more bedroom so that each of them, her, Rory, the baby, would have a space. She knew Rory would want her own bathroom when she visited, especially if she ever brought Logan with her. She needed more room and she certainly couldn't add on to the house to accommodate that need.

_I'll move_, she told herself. She and the baby would move to Litchfield and she would be pregnant and have the baby there and work at the Inn. She grabbed the Sunday paper that Rory had left on the coffee table and started going through the classifieds, looking for a house to rent or buy. "We'll call a realtor tomorrow, kid," she told her stomach, "And then we will figure out this life together. Somehow."

(Lyrics from "King of Pain" by The Police; "Wreck of the Day" by Anna Nalick)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Anna Nardini was certain about something and she was embarrassed to admit it.

She was jealous. She was jealous of that smile. Whenever April encountered something new, something that excited her, intrigued her, then her face would break into this smile. That smile was Luke's smile, eyes crinkling at the corners, sparkling. Sure, long ago she realized that April's teachers might put that smile there, but she could handle that. It was not the teachers so much as the learning that lit April's face so. This smile, though, was different and Anna didn't like it.

Whenever one of April's friends commented on her birthday, April would always mention it to her mom, talking about whatever detail was discussed on that particular occasion. She would always thank Anna for letting her have the party at Luke's diner, but then, in the next breath, "Lorelai was so cool…" or "Lorelai had this great idea…." Anna's smile had to stay plastered on whenever April started talking about it because behind that smile Anna was grinding her teeth. April's blue eyes, so much like Luke's, would shine and Anna missed the days when she put that there. When her daughter was younger, Anna would wake April up early on a summer day and they would drive to New York City to go to the Natural History Museum, leaving the shop in the hands of her friend Natalie. They would spend the whole day walking around the museum and maybe the public library, April chattering the whole time, explaining things to Anna the whole day. Some of what April told her Anna already knew, but just the experience of listening to her daughter talk and learn was more fun and meaningful than anything else.

Now, watching April use those same expressions in reference to someone else, someone who was not a teacher, scared Anna a little bit. She didn't like April getting too attached to anyone who might not be around. She saw April becoming very attached to Luke, who Anna still feared would flake out; her potential attachment to Lorelai was worse. If Luke did something stupid, and Anna wasn't sure how much faith she could put in Luke to hold it together, then Lorelai could be gone and April could be left heartbroken. Anna's job was to protect April and prevent something like that from happening.

When April came home from Luke's this past Tuesday night, the first words out of her mouth were "Mom, I want to spend more time in Stars Hollow."

Anna was drying and putting away the dishes that she had just washed. She stacked the plates as she dried them, then turned around to put them in the cupboard. Turned away from April, Anna began to feel a knot in her chest, something that always accompanied conflicting feelings. She knew that she did not want to deny April access to Luke; the girl had already spent so much of her life not knowing who her father was. But Anna was afraid. She was afraid of April getting hurt, but also she was afraid of losing her. She knew it was silly; there was little chance that April would choose to live with Luke instead of her, but still—how much cooler was it for April to hang out with her dad and future stepmother who can throw fun birthday parties and do know who knows what else that her mother would not do?

"What would you do if you had more time in Stars Hollow?" Anna asked.

April's face lit up and she started ticking off things. "Well, the town has all of these neat festivals, especially during the summer. You know, events that celebrate occasions like the Fourth of July, the town's birthday, and summer in general. The town square is about to get new decorations and I think they may have something to celebrate that as well. Luke has invited me to go fishing with him one weekend, which, although I'm not much for fishing, sounds fun because I could learn from him. And there's one more reason, which I think is extremely important."

"What is that, honey?"

"If Luke and Lorelai are going to get married, I think I should spend more time with her. A couple of my friends who have stepmothers tell me that they wish they had had more time to spend with their dad's new wives before they moved in. Granted, I don't live with Luke, but it makes sense that I would spend time with my dad's fiancée before they marry. She is going to be a part of his family just like I am. She is already a big part of his life, I can tell."

Anna could not help thinking that April was right. It did make sense for April to spend more time with her dad now that summer vacation was approaching and she was out of school. However, she did not like her spending time with Lorelai. She still felt like she could not trust Luke to keep Lorelai. Something about the woman's demeanor when she visited the shop not too long before had set off alarms in Anna's head. Lorelai looked a little desperate and she wondered if April's presence had created issues for her and Luke. Although Lorelai assured Anna that she and Luke were stable, Anna could not be so certain. Why would his fiancée feel the need to talk to her if Luke were handling everything the right way? Anna didn't like it, but she tried to convince herself it was not about the jealousy, but about the uncertainty surrounding that situation.

"Well, April, that might be a good idea. But what did Luke say about you spending time with Lorelai? Did he say it was OK?"

"He told me that he would have to talk to you about it first, which makes sense. So, rather than wait for him to do that, I thought I would talk about it with you first."

"He didn't say anything about it other than that?

"No, he just said that about talking to you first. He thought you might be afraid that I was being bombarded with too many new people."

"Well, he is right. You haven't spent that much time with him. Shouldn't you get to know him a little bit better before you get to know Lorelai? I mean, what if he and Lorelai don't get married? What would happen then?"

April looked surprised at that suggestion. "Why wouldn't they get married?"

"People break engagements all the time. Who is to say that won't happen here as well?"

"Mom, you have surprisingly little faith in the situation."

"April, you are my only daughter. I have to look out for you. I have to protect you from situations that I feel might be harmful for you. I worry that going too fast with this Luke thing could leave you hurt. You just found him, honey; can't you be happy spending time with only him for now?"

"Mom, please. I'm thirteen. You can't monitor every person that I meet. I've met half of Stars Hollow already just hanging out at the diner. What is so wrong with this? If I got to know Lorelai better, then perhaps that will help me get to know Luke even better."

"No, April. Just stick to your weekly visits to the diner. That's enough for now."

"That's another thing. Now that school's nearly out, shouldn't I be able to spend a couple of days with Luke? Can't I stay overnight with him? We're supposed to go fishing one weekend; it would be far easier to do that if I could stay with him in Stars Hollow."

"Where are you going to sleep, April? Have you seen his apartment? He doesn't really have room for you. I would rather you and Luke limit it to day visits. No overnight stays."

"Come on, Mom! How am I supposed to make him a part of my life if you won't let me?"

"Hey, keep up the attitude, and I will ground you. Then there will be no visits next week."

April huffed at her mother and stomped away to her room. Anna heard the bedroom door slam and blared music soon followed. She rolled her eyes and went about cleaning up the kitchen.

She knew that her decision and April's reaction was not be the end of the matter. April was determined and stubborn (characteristics Anna was sure she got from her dad) and she would not give up on the idea of spending more time in Stars Hollow that easily. Anna, though, had an edge; sole custody meant that she was not legally obligated to allow April to continue her visits with Luke. If she wanted to, she could stop them altogether and Luke would have no legal recourse except to sue for custody and she was not sure if he would be able to get visitation rights, let alone joint custody. If she could keep April happy with the present arrangement, then she would only have to worry about Luke and Lorelai when they finally got married.

Tuesday mornings, Babette always walked into town to have coffee with Miss Patty and gossip. She would store up news to tell Patty so that the two of them could spend as much time as they could chatting and downing cup after cup of Luke's coffee. This Tuesday, she hurried into Luke's with bigger news than she had had in a long time.

While she cooked breakfast that morning, Morey walked out to get the paper. He found it deep in the flower beds and cursed the newspaper boy for throwing in Babette's flowers, which meant that he had to step carefully lest he crush something she would be sad about losing. She never got mad when he messed up her flowers; she always got sad and, to him, that was worse. After grabbing the paper, he looked up and noticed something new in the Gilmores' yard. He ran back to the house.

Inside, he grabbed Babette's hand and pulled her back outside with him. She protested the whole way: "Morey, I'm cookin' here, sugah. Whaddya want?" He stood her at the end of their driveway and pointed toward the For Sale sign standing in Lorelai's yard.

"Dear Moses, what is that?"

"It's a For Sale sign, Babette. What else could it be?"

"Lorelai's selling the house. What for?"

She and Morey looked at each other and shook their heads. It could only be because of the broken engagement.

The news of the engagement's demise came not from either Lorelai or Luke, but from rumors later confirmed by Lorelai's absence. When everyone heard about their encounter outside the diner that Friday night, when Babette noticed that Lorelai had not come home that night nor the night before, when Lorelai did not appear in town, only going from home to work and back, all of the Townies knew something was up. Luke's sadness and Lorelai's absence from the diner confirmed that something had gone down, but the two of them had resolved their issues last year; why would this be any different?

But the sign, the sign made it real. Unless, Babette thought, unless she and Luke were planning to buy a different house, a bigger house. Babette waited behind the tree in the Gilmores' yard, hoping to catch Lorelai on her way to work. Her plan worked because the moment Lorelai stepped out of the house to walk to her car, Babette started calling her name.

Lorelai jumped at the sound of Babette's voice. "Dear God!" She turned around to see her neighbor scurrying toward her. Ah, the For Sale sign. She knew it would stir up questions. Better to tell Babette in the hopes that she would tell others so that Lorelai wouldn't have to. "Babette, good morning."

"Morning, sugah. What's goin' on heah? What's with the sign? Are you and Luke buying a new house?"

Lorelai's face fell and Babette knew. She just knew. It was done. It was over.

"No, Babette. I'm moving. I need to get out of Stars Hollow for a while. I will still work at the Dragonfly; I just want to be somewhere else." For a few months, a year, forever? Who knew? She certainly didn't.

Babette hugged Lorelai and patted her on the arm. "I'm sorry, sugah."

"Thanks, Babette. I will see you later." Lorelai started the Jeep and drove off to work, leaving Babette to ponder what she had said.

"Lorelai's leaving. It must have been bad."

She relayed the whole thing to Patty not half an hour later.

By about noon, the news was all around town. Taylor threatened to get the ribbons out again, but Patty warned him against, citing that they had no idea what happened and, by the way, the ribbon thing didn't go over so well with Rory last time. Others had taken to walking by the house to see the sign and determine for themselves if one of their own really was departing for higher ground. Many walked back from the Gilmores' shaking their head in disbelief.

No one had the heart to tell Luke yet.

Rumors, he had heard rumors, whispers around the diner. That the house was for sale. That Lorelai was moving to Litchfield, but would still work at the Inn. He didn't believe it; why would she move away from Stars Hollow? She had been there for at least twenty years, since she and Rory escaped Hartford and she found a job at the Independence Inn. Luke found it hard to believe that their broken engagement could be enough for her to break with Stars Hollow as well.

He waited until he was sure she would be at the Inn so he could drive by the house and check it out for himself.

There it was. _For Sale_. The house, a repository of memories. She was selling her memories, his memories, their moments together. Fixing the porch rail at 6:30 in the morning. Fixing her back door and then breaking it to answer her call. Bert the toolbox. Mornings waking up with her. Nights spent in her bed. Where would it all go now?

Didn't she owe him some sort of call, some sort of explanation? Then he remembered sneaking the boat away from her house when they had broken up the first time. She had been hurt when he did that, but he hadn't intended that to happen. He just figured that she wouldn't want a reminder of him stored in her garage. Perhaps she thought that not telling him she stealing away in the quiet would keep him from being reminded of her existence. He sat in his truck in her driveway and stared at the sign. He didn't know what to feel.

He wanted to be angry with her. He wanted to be so angry that the knot in his chest would go away. At night, he laid in bed unable to sleep because he missed her. Luke could feel her next to him; he could picture her there. Sometimes he dreamed that he was talking to her, conversations that he could not remember anything about them the next day except that he had had dreamed of her. He swore that he could still smell her on his sheets if he laid still next to 'her' pillow. During the day, he was mad; he would focus on the recurring image of her and Christopher kissing, falling into bed together, bodies intertwined. That always kept him from feeling his fault in the matter. At night, though, he could only think of her. His hands remembered the feel of her bare skin. His body ached for her touch. He would sit on the edge of his bed and look out his windows at the night's sky, working hard not to let his sadness spill out again. In his mind, he could still hear her voice:

"_We'll miss our middle. I want a middle."_

"_Luke, I'm all in. I'm all in."_

"_I love you, Luke. **I love you**."_

All he could think of when he heard that again and again is that he let her walk away. _If I hadn't, she wouldn't have gone to Christopher. I could have stopped her. What stopped me then? _Sitting there in his truck, staring at the For Sale sign, remembering these nights, he considered what to do.

_I could rip the sign out and throw it in the dumpster behind the diner._

_I could call the realtor and find out when she's showing the house and try to scare away buyers._

_I could go talk to her and ask her why. _

He had an inkling about why.

"_How could you do this to me, Lorelai? How?"_

She never blamed him. She told him why everything happened, how she was feeling, but she never said that it was his fault she ran to Christopher. She had accepted the blame. When he was standing there dishing it out, she was taking it. He laid that memory on top of the others that had come to him later. Memories of her face whenever he talked about April. The moment she said something about postponing the wedding and he jumped on the chance to do so. Her face in Martha's Vineyard as she asked for reassurances that he gave, reassurances that must have seemed empty to her later.

Luke put the truck in gear and backed out of the driveway. _I could chase after her_, he thought to himself, _but would it do any good? Would she let me catch up to her now?_

When her mother told Rory that she was moving, Rory thought it was just a knee-jerk reaction that Lorelai would later reconsider. She spent that week safe in the knowledge that the Crap Shack would stay their home and her mother would remain in Stars Hollow, a piece of life that she could trust to stay constant. Then she saw the sign.

She came back to town that weekend to check up on her mother and the baby. Lorelai had called her periodically through the week, but Rory could never get her mother to talk for long. She dropped the moving bomb on her on Thursday. She knew that her grandparents would call soon from Europe. Rory wondered if her mother would tell her grandparents about her plans. To her, that was the ultimate test of her mother's mettle: if she could admit it to Emily and Richard, then she must be serious.

When the words actually came out of her mother's mouth during her grandparents' weekly call from Europe, when Lorelai told them that the engagement was off and she was moving to Litchfield, Rory could hear that her grandparents were stunned. Rory was too because now she knew that Lorelai was serious. It scared her. Her grandmother was not surprised by the news, having been there when Lorelai admitted out loud that she did not think that she and Luke were going to get married. Richard, who had grown somewhat fond of Luke and respected the man's work ethic, wasn't sure what to think. Though they had a few more weeks in Europe, they offered to help Lorelai move, but naturally she would not take them up on their offer. Rory sat silent the whole night after they had gotten off the phone, floored by her mother's decisions.

"You didn't tell them about the baby," Rory pointed out as she and Lorelai sat watching a movie, Lorelai's hands resting on the small bulge that Rory could have sworn had started to grow the moment her mother told her about the pregnancy.

"I couldn't tell them that on top of the engagement and the moving. They're on vacation. I don't want to bring them down more than I already have," Lorelai curled her legs under her and rubbed her forehead again, closing her eyes. "Besides, I can't say it out loud yet. It still doesn't seem real."

"Do you still have morning sickness?"

"That is definitely real. This baby won't even let me drink coffee; I gag at the smell of it. I've been drinking more tea, juice, and water in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life. It's a bit disconcerting. The caffeine withdrawal itself would have been better had there not been any morning sickness to go with it."

"Well, perhaps you should tell Grandma and Grandpa before you start to show. They might wonder what's up if you show up at Friday night dinner with a belly."

"I will tell them when I'm ready. Preferably after the move."

They were silent for the rest of the night. Rory wanted to ask her mother about moving. She wanted to know why. Really, she knew why, but she wanted to hear her mother say it. Rory saw it for what it really was: running away. This time, the fleeing was under the guise of starting over, but still it was escape. No more Luke. No more Stars Hollow. No more sadness. Perhaps she couldn't blame her mother for wishing to get away from all of it, but she didn't see how it solved anything. The hurt would still be there. She would feel it every time she looked at that baby. So would Rory.

Several more attempts at conversation about the move proved unsuccessful. Lorelai was not budging from her reasons. Rory could not get her to admit to any other motive than starting over. Not willing to give up her childhood home yet, afraid that she or her mother would regret letting go of the house, Rory took action.

"Hey, Ace, what's up?"

She told Logan the whole story, leaving out some of the more sordid details. She told him about her mother and Luke's broken engagement. She told him about the baby. She told him about her mom putting their house up for sale. He listened to her despite the fact that it was early morning in London and he should be asleep. He helped her formulate a plan.

The next day, Rory called the realtor charged with selling the house. The house already had four offers that Lorelai was still mulling over. Rory put one down as well, asking that her name not be released. She offered the house's selling price plus whatever extra money it would take to beat the other bids. Logan wired her a check to put down with their bid and she waited to hear if they had a deal.

Five days later, Rory was in the realtor's office, closing the deal on her house. Now the house she had grown up in was hers. She would keep it for the baby. It would be her gift to her new brother or sister.

After she had paid off the mortgage, the bank issued Lorelai a check for the difference. The buyer had offered a generous bonus to guarantee the contract and she was happy to accept it. She took out a little to cover her moving expenses, but saw that what was left would be enough to reimburse Luke for the renovations to the Crap Shack. So she sat at her desk in the Dragonfly that afternoon, having signed and initialed her way from one house into another, writing out a check to Luke Danes.

**Everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head**

However, the task proved harder than she had anticipated. Writing the amount in was easier than expected; when she realized that she could never keep that money anyway, she was not necessarily attached to the amount. If she did not reimburse Luke, then she would have put the money away for the baby anyway. She scribbled in the zeros, writing out the total in her long, curly script. When it came time to fill in his name, she hesitated. _Why is this so hard_, she asked herself, _it's just a check_. But it wasn't just a check. She felt like she was saying this is what he was worth to her, this is what the hard work and care he put into that house was worth. Perhaps she could write a note to go with the check; that would give her a chance to express how much more his efforts were than just this arbitrary dollar amount. Somehow, though, just a note would be inaccurate in its communication. _Thank you for your thought and care. Thank you for loving me and putting all of this effort into our home. I'm sorry I fucked it all up. _Lorelai couldn't apologize anymore; he had heard it all. He knew she was sorry. She knew she was sorry. Writing a check and a note would not fix it nor would it ever be able to show him how much he meant to her still.

**And suddenly I become a part of your past  
I'm becoming the part that don't last  
I'm losing you and its effortless**

She filled in his name and then signed her own, careful not to let the trembling of her hand be immortalized in her strokes. She dropped it in a Dragonfly Inn envelope and stuck a stamp on it. Carefully she kissed it, not daring to leave lipstick marks on its sheer whiteness. She placed it in the pile of outgoing mail and tried not to recognize the significance of it all.

When Pete dropped off the mail, Luke thought nothing of the pile of invoices, business credit card offers, boat catalogs, and ads he received. Then he saw the Dragonfly Inn envelope and his heart skipped a beat. _Something from her_. He was almost hopeful that it was something, anything from her, a note, news on how she was doing, just as long as it meant that they were communicating again, even if it was tentative and brief. He told Caesar that he was going upstairs for a moment and took the mail with him to open his envelope in peace.

In his apartment, he sat at his small kitchen table, staring at the flowing curves of her cursive writing. _That's her handwriting_. That was something, wasn't it? He tore the end of the envelope very carefully to open it and then peeked to see what was inside.

**Just a day,  
Just an ordinary day.  
Just tryin to get by.**

He pulled out a check, a pretty hefty one at that. It was written on her personal checking account, complete with new address and phone. At the bottom of the check, the _For _blank read simply 'Renovations.' He sat back and his gaze moved to the window. This was a check from Lorelai to pay him back for his work on her house; no, _their _house. He ran a hand over his stubbled jaw and tried to glean meaning from this gesture.

**Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand?**

Was this the last contact they would have? Could he even consider this contact as she had included no note, no word from her, just a gesture? Tired of thinking, tired of analyzing, he slid the check back in the envelope and left it on the table. He wished he had some excuse to call her and ask her what this meant, but he was not sure if she would tell him anyway. He didn't know what to do next, only that he missed her, and, in spite of the hurt and the fading anger, he wished he could talk to her.

On her last night in Stars Hollow, Lorelai decided to take a final walk through the whole town. She wanted to take in its charm and quirkiness one more time before she left it, possibly for good. She waited until it was dark, after most businesses were closed so that she did not attract attention. It had been hard enough that day at the Inn as the townies filed in, sending her off with hugs and best wishes. She tried to assure everyone that this was not goodbye forever, but her words didn't seem to stick. When Babette came sobbing up to her that night after she got home from the Inn, Lorelai nearly started crying herself, touched as she was by the gift of a winking gnome from her neighbors. Lorelai assured Babette that she would stay in touch and that Babette could come by the Inn anytime for lunch, but that only made Babette cry harder. Everyone's reactions prompted her to make her walk late rather than early so that she could observe the town in peace.

She started with her own street. As she walked up one side and down the other, she remembered when their neighbor Dwight moved into the house across the street and asked her and Rory to keep his yard watered while he went out of town, a task which resulted in Rory getting soaked when she tried to shut the water off and could not. Passing by Babette's, she remembered Cinnamon's wake all those years ago, when the whole town showed up to celebrate the life of one of her cats and Lorelai nearly stood Max up on one of their first dates.

She swung by the site of the Independence Inn, which was still a work in progress as the new owners worked out what to do with the property. It struck her that it had been three years since the fire that closed the Inn and put her, Sookie, and Michel out of work for awhile; those three years had gone by so fast, as was wont to happen as a person gets older. She walked past the Foresters' house, remembering all of the times that Rory would go over there to spend time with Dean, the best first boyfriend Rory could have had. She walked past the old Twickham place, remembering the many times they stood in line to say goodbye to Joshua Twickham, only to find that he would persist another year until he didn't. She walked past the church where she and Luke vandalized the church bells that were torturing everyone in town, including the minister. She peered in the dark windows of Weston's, remembering the conversation with Fran about the old Dragonfly Inn that she and Sookie wanted to buy, having to wait instead until Fran was gone to get the property. She could see her and Rory sitting outside Weston's, her daughter declaring that she did not want to return to Yale much to Lorelai's chagrin. What resulted from that were several months of estrangement from the one person she absolutely needed, something that she was determined never to repeat. She passed Miss Patty's studio, the sight of many town meetings, moments like her defense of Jess as the town's scorn descended on Luke or the time that the town met behind hers and Luke's backs to discuss what the town would do if they broke up. After Patty's, she walked by the closed, dark shops, past Andrew's _Black, White, and Read_, past the cat shop; the route she was taking would have her walking through the town square last. She wanted Luke's Diner to be the last thing she saw before she walked back to her house. She stepped off the curb and crossed the street to the grassy area at the center of town.

**How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?**

Lorelai walked through the town square, her hands touching the air that swirled around her, the fireflies floating about in the swirls. The gazebo was lit with twinkle lights; around her, the summer night continued to relinquish its warmth slowly. She walked around to the gazebo and stood in the shadow of the light coming from the diner. She saw Luke in there, mopping, the first part of his usual closing routine.

He danced with the mop, his eyes focusing on the floor as he moved. She stood there full of indecision; her body pulled her toward his light, but at the same time she felt herself tugged back, as if tied to the ground. They had not spoken since the night he came over and confronted her about why. She missed him. She was angry with him. How could he let her go? Why didn't he stop her from walking away that night? Why didn't he fight for her? She just wanted to ask him why.

**You're on the outside - stay on the outside.**

When she turned to sit in the gazebo, he saw her. He looked up for only a second from his task, intent on its symbolic forgetting. Each time he cleaned something - the counter, a pan, a dish, the floor - he hoped that he was somehow cleansed, even if for just a moment. He wanted to wipe clean his thoughts of her, for that meant his chest would not ache, at least for that moment.

Seeing her there, though, he was uncertain if she was real. He had imagined her sitting out there so many times that now he doubted his own eyes. He tried another swipe with the mop, mulling over the thing to do next.

**There are some things that I'd like to figure out.**

Lorelai sat in the gazebo. She could see in her mind their celebration the year before. The Zima. The kiss. His arm pulling her into him. Their moment needed no tradition to symbolize the feeling, no ring to seal the deal. In all of her life, she had known such certainty only once before, when she and Rory moved to Stars Hollow. She felt his loss again, with the return of the ache at her core. In his diner, he seemed so close, but she felt this space between them. She tried to look at him like a stranger, for that would make it all so much easier. She traced swirls in the air again, trying to release her hurt into the breeze. If she could do that, then the hurt would dissipate and disappear and she would be...well, she would be again. She put her head in her hands for just a moment to shove back the torrent of tears that threatened once more.

When she looked up again, he was standing there. He had treaded into the gazebo without a sound. It was all she could do to look at him. Her eyes were crystalline. She did not move. Her face showed no expression. _Now what_, he asked himself again. _What do I say to her? What do I do?_

"Lorelai—"

She looked away.

**I didn't come this far for you to make this hard for me.**

"I want to talk to you." He had so many questions. _What's wrong? Where are you moving to? Why are you moving? What are you doing?_

"I'm moving tomorrow," she whispered in response to his declaration. Luke stood there silent, taken back by her statement.

She couldn't help herself. As he stood there silent, she looked at him again. He was just so beautiful, even in the oversized flannel. _No_, she thought, _it's part of his charm_. He hid in those clothes. Only she knew what lay underneath. At least she thought she did.

"Please—" He drew closer to her, an arm outstretched as if to take her hand or touch her arm. "I want to talk to you."

She backed away from him for a second, then ran from the gazebo, heading home as fast as she could go. He did not follow.

**Why did you come here?**

**You weren't invited.**

Luke sighed in frustration, still staring at where she had been standing. _What's next? _he asked himself. _What do I do next?_

Emily Gilmore knew that she might be beating a dead horse again, but she didn't like the idea of her daughter hurting because of the broken engagement. Though she and Richard were many miles away, she wanted to find some way to help Lorelai through this time.

Naturally, her first thought was to call Christopher. She hoped that the friendship between her daughter and her granddaughter's father would help Lorelai through the obvious devastation Emily heard in Lorelai's voice and the worry that Rory's seemed to emanate. She knew that Lorelai and Luke were having problems, but she never expected a broken engagement and the total estrangement that Lorelai's announcement of leaving Stars Hollow implied. After Lorelai and Rory had hung up that night, Emily and Richard sat quietly dumbfounded in bed. While Richard snored softly, Emily laid there considering what she could do to help her daughter. Christopher was the one solution she could come up with.

When he answered her call, Emily could hear a child's voice in the background. Gigi was asking her father for something and not succeeding in her quest, her disappointment audible on Emily's end of the line. Christopher apologized for the distraction and greeted Emily warmly.

"Christopher, when was the last time you talked to Lorelai?"

"Well, it's been a few weeks," Christopher did not think that the Gilmores would know about his role in Lorelai's problems. He counted on Lorelai not to have ruined his reputation with her parents by telling them about that night.

"Not since that Friday night dinner?"

"Nope, not since then." He snuck away from Gigi, who had momentarily been distracted by a book she had left on the living room table. He crept into his bedroom and closed the door. He did not want his daughter to interrupt this phone call. He had not heard from Lorelai since she stormed out of the apartment that next morning nor had heard from Rory since she hung up on him when he told her about that night. Perhaps Emily held the key to getting back in the Gilmore girls' good graces.

"Luke and Lorelai have broken their engagement. In addition to that, Lorelai plans to move away from Stars Hollow to Litchfield, like moving will solve anything. I'm worried about her, but Richard and I will be gone for at least another five weeks. Is there any way that you could check up on Lorelai? Could you help her? She did not sound like herself the last time I spoke with her."

Christopher had to smile. Emily had provided him with an excuse to talk to Lorelai. Under the guise of doing Emily a favor, he might be able to carry out the plan he had come up with since he had seen Lorelai last. "I would be happy to check up on her. I'm sure she needs a friend right now."

"You have always been such a good friend to her, Christopher. This break with Luke really has affected her. I can hear the worry in Rory's voice. Lorelai is strong, but she needs others to help her stay strong through this."

He marveled at Emily's concern for Lorelai. It was unlike her to show this kind of emotion, so Christopher knew that the situation had to be dire. He could provide the comfort that Lorelai would need, though she would probably resist him at first. He was sure that there would be little chance of her reconciling with Luke, knowing as he did about the diner man's dislike of Christopher; he was sure that Lorelai's admission about her whereabouts would create a possibly permanent break. Perhaps he could use this to his advantage. Maybe she would finally give him another chance. "Emily, you know I would do anything for Lorelai. I will keep an eye on her while you and Richard are out of the country."

"Thank you, Christopher. I appreciate that. I am glad that you are there for her, that you have been there for her over the years. It is such a shame that you two have never really had a chance to be together. I am glad to see that you two have remained friends."

"Lorelai is easy to love. It is no problem to care for her. You and Richard enjoy your trip and don't worry about the Gilmore girls. I will take care of them for you."

"Goodbye, Christopher."

"Bye, Emily." Christopher hit the Talk button on his phone to end the call. He sat down on his bed, setting the phone on his nightstand. He laid down on the bed, curling up with the pillow that Lorelai had slept on that night. He could swear that it still smelled of her, though the sheets had been washed since she was there. _Perhaps, Emily, I could be more than just her friend. Perhaps I could be the son-in-law you always wanted me to be. Thanks to you, I just might get the chance to make that happen._

On June 3rd, Lorelai Gilmore supervised the move of her furniture and other belongings to her new townhouse in Litchfield. On June 3rd, Luke Danes spent the day conspicuously absent, the diner closed and a "Gone Fishing" sign on the front door.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lorelai's new townhouse in Litchfield was certainly a place that she wished she had had when Rory was growing up.

She got the place for a criminally low price. The owners suddenly found themselves transferred overseas and had to get rid of the place as soon as possible. The realtor actually had just listed the house the day that Lorelai had walked into her office. For Lorelai, her timing was fortuitous; she was afraid that finding a new place would be difficult and time-consuming, but soon Lorelai found herself signing on the dotted line, letting go of the Crap Shack and officially signing herself up for a new era in her life.

The townhouse had a beautiful exterior. The façade was red brick with wonderful concrete archways and other architectural touches that she would have to ask Rory to name. Inside, the front/living room had a huge picture window that had a low, wide sill that she could sit in. Lorelai planned to buy big cushions for the window and nice thick curtains to cover it so that she didn't have everyone in town peering in at her. The front room opened into the kitchen, complete with a small pantry. From the front room, she could walk down the hall next to the stairs to a small bedroom, bathroom, and laundry room. She decided that this room would be the baby's room; it's not that she did not want to be next to the baby, but she thought it would be easier on her if the baby was downstairs so that she could make it to the kitchen, the laundry room, and the front room easily when the baby cried or needed feeding or changing. Upstairs were two more bedrooms and a bathroom; the master bedroom was hers and the other bedroom was Rory's for when she decided to stay over. Of course they would have to share a bathroom again, but since Rory had her own place and would only be there for visits, Lorelai figured sharing a bathroom would not be a problem. Rory's room would also double as a sewing room since it was big enough to fit a bed, her sewing machine, her mannequin, and her bureau of supplies. Everything was painted a generic off white, but Lorelai vowed to change that as soon as she could be around paint again. For now, though, she decided to put some art on the walls and then take in her surroundings.

Litchfield. New town, new stores; she would have to do some exploring soon.

Instead, as she began to unpack her things, she found herself lacking the strength she thought she had when she made the decision to move. The baby constantly reminded her of its presence, still stirring up morning sickness even after they moved out of the first trimester. She still could not drink coffee, so she found herself scouring the town for large quantities of tea, hoping that that would satisfy her baby as well as her urges for caffeine.

When she brought home a bag of apples along with her gross of tea bags, Lorelai knew that she was definitely pregnant. She sat outside on her front steps with her bag of apples open, taking big bites of apple and actually enjoying it. She placed a hand on her stomach and rubbed circles around the belly that had started to form.

"Well, kiddo, it is official: you are your father's child. I can't drink coffee and I'm eating apples. The next thing you know, I'll be drinking V8 and not eating meat."

The baby was officially a presence in her life. He (Lorelai had decided somewhere along the line that she was having a boy) had his own room. He was dictating her dietary choices. To acknowledge his presence, she went out the next day and bought a crib, her first official baby-related purchase.

On her way to Litchfield, Rory thought about her mother's situation. Though Lorelai insisted that the move was the right thing to do, Rory did not share her confidence. The whole situation did not feel right to her at all. Certainly her mother had made a mistake going to her dad that night; Rory knew that her mother's talk with Lynnie brought on Lorelai's desperation that resulted in the ultimatum and the night with Christopher. What she could not figure out, though, is how her mother could just stand down like this and not fight for Luke and their relationship, how she could just leave her home for so many years because of this one thing. She and Luke had been estranged from each other on a couple of occasions and, while it had caused her mother hardship and heartache, she had been a part of the town and the townies had made it clear that they would do what they could for Lorelai when she needed it. As far as Rory knew, this time was no different. Rory had never heard or seen any reason for Lorelai to believe that she was no longer welcome in Stars Hollow. Rory knew she needed to find out what was going on in the elder Gilmore's head. She had an idea about what those reasons were, but she needed to talk about them with her mother.

Before the move, Lorelai had given Rory keys to the townhouse so that she could come and go when she wanted, especially when Lorelai was at work. So tonight Rory let herself in like she would have any other time. She called for her mom a couple of times, but heard no response. She carefully stepped around piles of boxes, petted Paul Anka (who had retired to the top of one conglomerate of boxes), and then peeked into each room to look for Lorelai. She found her mom in the baby's room, sitting amongst what appeared to be parts of a crib. In the midst of assembling it, Lorelai had stopped and dissolved into tears which Rory saw still streaming down her face.

**This girl I know needs some shelter  
She don't believe anyone can help her  
She's doing so much harm, doing so much damage**

She wasn't sobbing, but just sitting there quietly, leaning against the wall, staring at nothing in particular. Rory saw tears fall, two at a time, silently cascading over Lorelai's flushed cheeks. She reached up to wipe away a couple of tears, which alerted her mother to her presence finally.

**You tell her she can manage  
And you can't change the way she feels   
But you could put your arms around her**

"Rory," Lorelai sounded hoarse.

"Mom, what's wrong? Why are you sitting here like this?"

Lorelai got up and started moving the pieces of the crib around, fumbling for the instructions. "Oh, I bought this crib this afternoon and decided to put it together."

"Don't you think it's a bit early for this? You're only about ten weeks along."

Lorelai looked at Rory very seriously. "It is never too early when there is a baby on the way. I didn't get to do all of this with you because I was still living with my parents at the time. I want to enjoy getting ready for this baby."

Rory smiled wanly as her mother began working on the crib again. "That still doesn't tell me why you were crying when I came in."

The look on her mother's face Rory had seen before. It was the look that crossed her fine features each time they had a conversation about April. That same look preceded every evasive comment Lorelai gave whenever they had talked about her and Luke. Rory knew she had to tread lightly or her mother would close up again.

Lorelai tucked some hair behind her ear as she looked around for the next part. "Oh, you know, the hormones bring on these mood swings. I'll be jumping on the couch one minute and weeping in my Ben and Jerry's the next."

Rory pursed her lips and paused for a moment before her next statement. "You know, I'm sure he misses you too."

Lorelai pointed at a tool on the floor. "Could you hand me that screwdriver, please?"

Rory picked up the screwdriver and put in her mother's outstretched hand. "Mom, we have to talk about this. You can't ignore what happened with Luke and Dad. It's not just going to go away because you moved."

"Rory, I really don't want to talk about this."

"Why not? We haven't really talked about it since you told me about the baby and then decided to move. I know that something is going on with you. I can't believe that you are doing this again."

"Doing what?"

"Running away! You did this with Max. You did it again after the ultimatum. You talk about being a strong, independent woman, but all I am seeing right now is a woman who is neither of those things."

"Look, I felt like this was the best solution. I don't want to have this kid under the scrutiny of the entire town. I don't want to have every move I make reported to several hundred people a day. Luke and I are no longer together and that is entirely my fault. So to give him and myself a chance to start over, I made a decision that I thought would be good for the both of us."

"What about the baby?"

"What about the baby? I raised you by myself just fine. I can do it again. It will be hard at times, but it will all be worth it."

"You could be doing this in Stars Hollow. Remember Stars Hollow? All of those people that love you and helped you with me. They miss you. I know they have to wonder what has happened to you."

"Rory, I appreciate what you are doing, but this is something I need to do for me. I need to be away from everything that has happened. I need to think about my life, what I have done, and what I have left to do. I lost him, Rory. I did that. So, if I cry a little at home by myself or decide to move or dye my hair or whatever, that is how I choose to deal with it. I have to live with what I have done. I have to live with knowing how much I have hurt people I care about."

"Mom, you made a mistake. People make mistakes all the time. That does not mean you have to exile yourself and then do all of this penance to atone for your sins. This isn't a Thomas Heywood play."

"But I do! I need to!" Lorelai was walking around the room, animated in her discussion. "I did something that I should not have done. He didn't! He didn't do anything and I did something – again – that drove him away – again! And here I am – again – alone. So moving away means that he gets to live there free of reminders of me. He gets to have his daughter come to that diner and spend time with him. He gets to have a life free of me and all of the hurt and anger and disappointment that I bring. He gets that and I get to spend my days without him, thinking about how I had it great for about five minutes until _I _did something to lose that."

"But it's not just you anymore. You have the baby to think about too. What's good for him or her?"

"Rory, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm your mother. I'm playing the mother card here. I'm telling you that I don't want to discuss this anymore, got it?"

"No, Mom, you don't get to do that right now. You can't just cut me off like that. I'm not telling you this as your daughter, I'm telling you as your friend."

"Well, then, Rory, _my friend_, I am telling you that I do not want to talk about this anymore. I have made a decision and I'm going to stick to it. I have a job, I have a home, and I have the wherewithal to have this child and I will do that exactly as I have planned. You, my dear, have a life and a place of your own. I have done my best with you and for you and now I am going to do the same for this kid."

"You are not listening to me. Luke is not Dad. My father decided that he did not want to be a part of our lives, remember that? It was not that you would not let him, but that he _chose _that, Mom. Luke is not Dad. Luke would want to know about his child, he would want a chance to be with his child. Anna decided a long time ago that he was not 'Kid Guy' so she deprived him of that time with April. Imagine how Luke felt when he found out that Anna had been keeping his daughter from him for so many years."

"I don't know how he felt, "Lorelai replied bitterly. "I was not privy to that information."

Her mother's comment stopped Rory for a second. She knew that Luke's reaction to the news about April was a bone of contention for Lorelai, but she could not let that comment stop the momentum of her argument. She had to get through to her mother. She just had to.

Rory put a hand on her mother's shoulder. "You already know everything I am saying. You know that you were not the only one who made mistakes in your relationship with Luke. You know that you cannot deprive this child of Luke's presence in his or her life. You may feel like you need to be punished right now, but you know that you cannot do that forever. You have lived your whole life with others' expectations of you hanging over you, but your expectations for yourself have always been the ones that you have aspired to. Stop being so hard on yourself, Mom. You don't deserve it."

Lorelai looked at Rory. "I can't, though. I can't stop this. The moment I do, I am reminded of what I have lost. It hits me that he's gone and I can't take that feeling."

**I stand in front of you  
I'll take the force of the blow  
Protection**

Rory hugged her mom and held her in the embrace for a moment. "Mom, I love that you care about Luke so much that you want his life to be good even when you know he made just as many mistakes as you did. I love that you care enough about this baby to do what you think is right to give it a good start. I just think that you are mistaken about what is really going on here."

Lorelai broke the embrace and put her hands on her daughter's face. "I'm glad you think that of me, but I think you are wrong. I need to do this. I need to be myself for a while, away from everyone and everything that reminds me of this past year. When I have had some time to process everything, then perhaps I can go back to that life. But, for now, please let me do this. Please."

**Sometimes you look so small, need some shelter  
Just runnin' round and round, helter skelter  
And I've leaned on you for years  
Now you can lean on me**

Rory could not resist those pleas, but she also vowed to herself not to let the issue rest. She knew her mother and she knew Luke. She had faith that somehow all of this could be overcome. She just had to find the key to helping them do that because she could not bear the thought of her new sibling growing up without her father just like she did.

Miss Patty and Babette sat in Luke's Diner this particular Tuesday nursing yet another cup of coffee and finding themselves suddenly out of gossip. At least, for the moment.

They had already exhausted speculation over whether or not Andrew's new art photography section was really just an attempt for the owner of _Black, White, and Read _to carry smut. Taylor had already been in there once to warn Andrew about some town regulation that prohibited pornography in the town limits. Andrew then proceeded to remind Taylor of the existence of the First Amendment and (gleefully) of the fiasco that surrounded his self-censoring at Stars Hollow Video, which then caused Taylor to turn red and leave the store in a huff. Patty witnessed the whole thing as she was in the store looking at one of those 'art' books of nude athletes cavorting with strategically placed sports equipment, calling it 'research.' She did need to know what Taylor would be bringing up at the next town meeting.

But she and Babette had already discussed that and now they were short on talk. The town had been unusually quiet for early summer. Usually the warm weather brought on strange doings as the townspeople emerged from their winter hibernation and spring cleaning to embrace the boldness of the warm weather. So there they sat, watching Luke work around the diner while his daughter talked about the benefits of computerizing.

Patty and Babette wondered how Luke was taking the broken engagement and Lorelai's move to Litchfield. When April was around, he seemed to be normal Luke, cranky with everyone except April, who, the ladies could see, he had fallen in love with. He smiled during her visits, but the moment April was gone, he seemed to withdraw. He was quieter than usual. Rather than taking his anger and unhappiness out on the diner and its patrons as he had after the first breakup, his sarcastic remarks were limited and he tolerated others' quirks more. He hadn't gotten testy with Kirk in a long time and Kirk took advantage of this by bombarding Luke with incessant questions and remarks during his visits. They had heard that Luke and Lorelai had had an encounter in the gazebo the night before she moved, witnessed from afar by Eastside Tilly who had been walking her miniature poodle that night. (_After ten p.m.?_, Babette had asked Patty, who then mimed tipping up a flask and both shook their heads.) Since then Luke had been even quieter and both Patty and Babette wondered what they could do to bring Luke back, even if it meant having to put up with his naturally sardonic personality again.

"Patty, what are we gonna do with Luke? He's still sad that Lorelai's gone."

It was at this moment that April was cleaning off the table next to Patty and Babette. When she heard Lorelai's name, she slowed her cleaning so she could listen to the women's conversation. _Lorelai gone?_ April tried not to let her dismay show.

"I wish we knew what they said in the gazebo that night. Tilly said it looked like Luke approached Lorelai. Maybe he was trying to talk to her. Do you think he wants to make up with her?"

"I don't know if it's possible for them to make up. I mean, we don't know what prompted them to break the engagement in the first place, but it had to be something serious. Those two have been inseparable for ten years."

"Do you think it could have been the kid? Luke finding out about that daughter of his was quite a shock for both of them. Luke did keep Lorelai out of the loop for a long time. I don't think he let her meet the girl for a few months. I'm sure that tore Lorelai up inside, not to know her own fiancé's kid."

Patty shushed Babette because she saw April working near them and she did not want Luke's daughter to hear any comments they might make about her. April, though, had heard it all. She looked at her dad and shook her head. If what they said was true, then her father had kept Lorelai away from her _on purpose_. Suddenly the fact that he was afraid that April would like her father's fiancée better than her father seemed absolutely ridiculous to her and she felt disappointment in her dad grow. If Luke kept April away from Lorelai, if he left her out of an important part of his life, then he was doing the same thing to April at the same time. He was leaving her out of an important part of his life and April did not like it. She did not know that he and Lorelai had broken up and, from the way that these two women were talking, this was not a recent occurrence. No wonder Luke had been so evasive and reluctant when April was asking about Lorelai during her earlier visits. She finished piling the plates and silverware and carried them into the kitchen area, scraping the food off into the trash and then adding those to the sinkful of dirty dishes. When she was done, she sat down on the stool in front of Luke and posed a question to him.

"What happened between you and Lorelai?"

April's question left Luke speechless. Now he had to come up with an explanation and he was not sure how he was going to do that.

After her conversation with Patty about Luke and Lorelai, Babette decided to corner Rory when she could to find out more about what was happening with Lorelai. Because Rory was still packing her things to move from the old house to her apartment in Hartford, Babette knew that she could talk to Rory soon.

That afternoon, Rory pulled into the Gilmores' old driveway, ready to load her car with more boxes. Babette heard the car pulling in and ran out her door to greet Rory.

"Rory, sugah." Babette was scurrying as fast as she could toward Rory as she walked toward the Crap Shack.

"Babette, how are you?" Rory stopped to hug her breathless neighbor and then stood with her arms crossed, prepared for anything.

"I'm fine, darlin', just fine. How's your mother?" Babette looked a little desperate.

"She's fine. She's just getting settled into her new place and trying to make everything homey again."

"Oh, Morey and I miss her so much. The cats still wander over here everyday and then come back meowing. I think they're asking me where Paul Anka is."

Rory giggled at that. "Well, I'll tell Paul Anka that the cats miss him."

"Oh, don't do that, sugah. The cats taunted him mercilessly. If you remind him about them, he might faint or something. I saw him do that a couple of times when Lorelai would have him outside with her."

_Dear God, _Rory thought, _what is up with that dog?_ "Babette, I really need to get inside and do some packing. I will stop by on my way out to say goodbye."

Before Rory could walk away, Babette laid an insistent hand on her arm and stopped her. "Rory, honey, I need to talk about something serious with you." Babette really did look worried, like something had happened, something Rory had not heard about.

"What is it, Babette? Is it Morey? Miss Patty?"

"It's about your mother – and Luke."

Rory had to mentally wash her face of any expression. She was not sure what was going to come next and she did not want to give away any information about her mother's situation lest one of the most notorious gossips in Stars Hollow get a hold of something juicy.

"We're really worried about him, Rory. He's not himself. He's not slambanging dishes and pots around like he did last year, but he's not his usual surly self either. He looks sad, defeated almost. Your mother's move and her absence really took a toll on him."

Rory couldn't help the wave of sadness that came over her. While her mother and Luke both made their share of mistakes in this situation, it was hard to watch them both live apart from each other. Her mother's tears the other night showed that something was missing from her life. Occasionally, Rory would see her walk around the house like she was looking for some lost item a couple of times only to stop in front of a picture of Luke on the mantle. Rory thought she heard "_That's what I lost_" whispered quietly when that happened, but she knew Lorelai would never let her hear anything like that come out of her mouth. "I can tell that Mom is not happy as well."

"We don't know what went down between them, Rory, and we know that it is none of our business really. We just hate to see the two of them so down. I never expected to see Lorelai leave, especially not like that. I haven't seen Luke look so sad since his dad died. He really misses her, though I don't think he would ever say anything about Lorelai to any of us."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe I should go and see Luke while I am here today."

"Rory, you could do us a one better. Could you talk to both of them? Could you help us figure out a way to put them back together again?"

"I'll see what I can do." Rory walked into the Crap Shack to pack and contemplate how to do just that.

Luke's conversation about his breakup with Lorelai had not gone down well. April did not say much after their discussion. She had brought a couple of books with her so she sat in the corner reading for the rest of the day. As it got closer to time for Anna to pick April up, the girl sat by the window, not reading, but watching. When Luke spoke to her, she replied with limited, perfunctory responses and Luke took that as a bad sign.

When Anna walked into the diner to pick April up from her visit with Luke, the thirteen-year-old brushed silently past her mother on her way to the car, parked in front of the diner. Anna looked at Luke with raised eyebrows and he shrugged.

"What's up with that?" Anna asked Luke, still standing by the door, arms crossed.

Luke didn't want to admit to the cause of his daughter's irritation. He didn't want to tell Anna because he knew what she would think. That he still could not hold a relationship together. That if he couldn't keep a girlfriend/fiancée happy, then what would happen with his daughter? The words came out slowly and reluctantly.

"She's mad at me because she found out that Lorelai and I are no longer together."

"You're not?" Anna asked.

Luke shook his head.

"Figures." Anna walked out of the diner and to her car. Luke walked over to the window and waved at April, who just looked at him uncertainly. He watched them drive away and he wondered what his daughter's reaction to his breakup would mean for their future visits. Anna clearly wasn't pleased.

He shared that emotion.

April was quiet during the ride home. She stared out the passenger side window, looking deep in thought. Anna knew that she should probably let April be, but her curiosity was beginning to get the best of her.

"What's up, sweetheart? Why so quiet?"

April shrugged. "Nothing. Just tired."

Anna wanted to prod, needed to prod. She needed to know how April was taking Luke's news. "Are you sure that's it or is it something else? You are usually so cheerful when you leave Luke's."

April looked at her mom. She wanted to see her mother's reaction to the news about Luke and Lorelai. Her mother had been very protective of her since the discovery about her paternity. She wondered how Anna would take this particular piece of news. "Well, I found out today that Luke and Lorelai have broken up."

Anna already knew this, having spoken with Luke briefly as April was getting in the car. Her first reaction was to think how typical this was of Luke not to be able to hold a relationship together. She remembered how he had behaved with her, reluctant to commit totally, the knowledge of which prompted Anna to break up with him in the first place. Now, though, she had to play it cool because April did not need to see her anger with Luke. "That's a shame. I know how much you really liked Lorelai."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure it's totally his fault. I overhead a conversation between these two townies today. That's how I found out. They talked about how Luke had kept me away from Lorelai and how hurtful that must have been for her. After I thought about that, I realized something."

"What was that, sweetheart?"

"Not only was Luke keeping me from Lorelai, but he was keeping Lorelai from me. He was still not inviting me completely into his life. How am I supposed to get to know my father if he does that? How much more of his life am I missing? Lorelai must have felt so bad whenever she would hear about me visiting him at the diner. She probably felt left out when she should not have." April paused. "I really wonder how much I can trust Luke right now. I thought we were doing so well, but then I find this out from someone other than him."

Anna's brain vacillated between concern for April and a bit of jubilation at the idea that April's mistrust of her father might mean that she would have her daughter all to herself again. "You know, if you need some time to think about all of this, you don't have to visit him on Friday. You can stay home or sleepover at Janet's. Give yourself time to process this. It sounds like you're disappointed."

"I am. I really liked Lorelai. Now, though, I'm not sure what to think."

_I can use this_, Anna thought, _I can use this disappointment to convince April to stay away for a little while._ Then she would tell Luke that he could not see April anymore if all he was going to do was disappoint her. She couldn't risk that exposing April to that much hurt. With Lorelai out of the picture, Anna could now reclaim that special spot in April's eyes. All she had to do is figure out how to keep April away from Luke.

Dr. Conway walked into the exam room carrying Lorelai's chart. She sat down on the rolling stool parked on one corner and rolled over to a nervous Lorelai sitting on the exam table.

"So, according to the information you gave us, you are about eleven weeks along, Ms. Gilmore. How is everything going with you? Morning sickness? Breasts swelling?"

"I'm having all of the same symptoms I had with my first pregnancy, but the prolonged morning sickness is new. I was not expecting that."

"It is possible that your symptoms have changed a bit between your first pregnancy and this one. You had your first pregnancy as a teenager?"

Lorelai smiled. "Yes, my daughter Rory. I was sixteen when I became pregnant. Apparently, this baby does not like coffee. I usually drink a ton of coffee in the mornings but I haven't been able to have any for the last couple of months." _Really, _she thought, _it's not just the baby that's responsible for that_.

"Ah, the little one is already making its preferences known. If you do get to drink coffee again at some point, go for decaf." Dr. Conway saw Lorelai wrinkle her nose. "Yes, I know it's not the same, but your baby will appreciate it." The doctor put her chart down and turned to Lorelai. "Are you ready for your first sonogram?"

Lorelai smiled her first genuine smile in months. She was more than ready; she was ecstatic.

The doctor wheeled in the sonogram equipment, followed by a nurse. They cut the lights and laid Lorelai back. She raised her shirt and they smoothed jelly over her bump. The doctor began to probe around her belly, looking for the heartbeat.

**I step through every shade,  
All the color you bring,  
**

She watched her baby move and turn in her uterus. He was still so small yet he was already a huge presence in her life. He had his own room. He had a bed. He had a sister who was ecstatic that he was there. _Now_, Lorelai suddenly realized, _he needs a father_.

**This time, this time, this time,  
Is whatever I want it to mean.**

As Dr. Conway examined the baby, she talked about him, taking pictures of him as they went along. She pointed out different parts of him, assuring Lorelai that he was growing nicely and that everything looked good. Because of her age, they were going to keep a close eye on her, but, since Lorelai was in good health, she doubted there would be any problems. Nevertheless, the doctor scheduled her for an amniocentesis so that they could double-check that everything was progressing normally.

When Lorelai left, Dr. Conway handed her a stack of sonogram pictures and a due date of February 14th. He was a Valentine's baby, the product of an once-in-a-lifetime love. She knew this. She knew that he was conceived of a love that she had never thought she would find. Though it was gone, she had its legacy and somehow, at least for now, that was enough.

It had taken Lorelai a month to get here, but nevertheless she was there in front of the diner, thinking about what she needed to do. She had been thinking about it ever since her first doctor's visit, but, during her third visit, she realized it was time. As she watched the sonogram, she saw the baby roll on his side and look at her. In that, she recognized Rory's blue-eyed stare, the look of insistence that was one of the few things that would prod her to do something she did not want to do.

Rory had been trying to talk her into telling Luke, reminding her of what Anna had done with April and how much that had cost Luke and now Lorelai. She reminded her mother that Luke was not Christopher, that he was someone who would do what he could for his child. He would not run away nor would he stay away. He would support Lorelai any way he could even if they were no longer together. Lorelai knew she was right, though Rory had offered nothing in the way of ideas about how to get the words to come out of her mouth. She had offered to accompany her mother to Luke's if she wanted her support, but she was not going to be the one to say the words.

**My thoughts unsaid  
Stuck in my head  
And it all feels so useless**

The combination of Rory's insistence with the baby's look of _you need to do this_ had finally prompted her to be here today, standing in front of his diner, her first chance to see him since she had moved nearly two months before.

There she was. Luke nearly dropped a plate full of hash browns when he saw her walk in. The diner came to a hush when they saw who it was standing there and she looked around at them puzzled for a moment. Most looked away; some continued to watch and Luke could see that she very much felt the weight of their eyes on her. She walked up to the counter hesitantly and sat down. He reached for the coffee and a mug and put them down in front of her. A conversation starter at least.

"Coffee?" he asked. He tried not to be gruff, he tried to sound nonchalant and casual, but it came out rougher than he liked and he grimaced a bit inside.

"No, thank you," she said. She still hadn't looked at him. Her eyes shifted from side to side, but did not focus on him. "I need to talk to you. In private."

Luke glanced around the diner to see if anyone had heard her. Long enough time had passed that it seemed like most of the customers had gone back to their conversations, some disappointed at the lack of fireworks. He knew the chattering that would start when they exited the room together, but he had no choice. "Lane, I'm going upstairs for a few minutes."

Lane, who had been refilling salt and pepper shakers when Lorelai walked in, nodded. "OK, Luke, we'll cover for you."

"Let's go upstairs so we can talk." Luke motioned toward the stairs. Lorelai followed him behind the counter and up the stairs. She still had not looked up; she was avoiding his eyes, looking every place, but there, at him. Avoiding any connection. It nagged at him to know that she was feeling enough of some emotion -- anger, fear, hurt, distrust -- that she could not even face him totally.

When she walked into the apartment behind him, he saw a look pass over her face. Pausing in the doorway, bag clutched in hands, she almost smiled, like she remembered all of the times they had had here. He watched her look around for a moment, but then her eyes went through this shift from a spark of happiness, to a slight cloud of registered sadness, to resignation and realization. He could not believe how quickly it all happened. He pulled out a chair for her and sat down in the chair across from it. When she sat she hesitated again and fidgeted with her bag.

**Forgive me  
I couldn't do a thing to make you stay  
And I couldn't say a word to make you stay**

Her moment of indecision gave him a chance to look at her and see how she had changed. Her hair seemed to get longer each time he saw her. Today it was straight with the front part pulled back and the rest hanging down her back. She wore a long loose top paired with a short jacket and a sexy pencil skirt. Rather than the inappropriate shoes that he knew her for, she was wearing some flatter wedges. She looked softer around the edges and he could not place where this softness came from.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. It took me awhile to do this, but I promised Rory I would so here I am, in living color," she kind of laughed nervously, but finally she looked at him, into his eyes and he felt himself melting. Those eyes would always be a weakness of his. This was hard. Really hard. In spite of himself, in spite of that night, in spite of her packing up and moving, in spite of his anger and hurt, he still loved her. He just could not help himself.

**Still I don't know why, how you're gone, now you're gone  
No beautiful goodbye**

"I'm pregnant."

**You will never leave my mind  
And it turns out to be so much different than our dreams**

_What?_ Luke felt like someone had broadsided him with a truck. He had to shake his head in disbelief. "You're pregnant?"

"Yes, I'm about fourteen weeks along."

Fourteen weeks. Luke counted back. It had been about six weeks since she had moved and about eight weeks since the ultimatum. Six weeks before that would have been around the time he got back from Philadelphia with April.

"April. Philadelphia."

"Yes," she breathed. She was looking at him, but he could not read her and it frustrated him. _Why can't I tell what she's thinking? What is this block?_ he asked himself.

"What's next? I mean, what do we -- er, you -- do now?" Luke didn't know which pronoun to use and that flustered him more than the news itself.

Lorelai hesitated again, looking like a spooked animal. "Uh, I need to go. I'm on lunch and I told Michel I would be back in time to help him check in this Scottish bagpipers group coming to town for some thing..." She stood up and whooshed toward the door before he had time to say anything else. Luke was on her heels.

As she went down the stairs, he stood at the top. "Lorelai, what's next?" he asked her again.

**And suddenly I become a part of your past  
I'm becoming the part that don't last  
I'm losing you and it's effortless**

At the bottom step she looked up at him and said, "I wish I knew." Then she was gone.

**I'm losing you and it's effortless**

("Protection" Massive Attack; "Central Reservation" Beth Orton; "One Word" Anouk; "Cable Car (Over My Head)" The Fray)

To Be Continued!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Lorelai's visit had left Luke with uncertainty about what was going to happen next.

He had sat back down after she had left. It had only been a minute, but it felt like much longer than that. That she had even been in his apartment seemed like a dream. But then he looked down and saw that she had left two sonogram pictures on the table.

In the corner of the sonogram was Lorelai's name. Under that, the technician had entered the baby's name: Baby Gilmore-Danes. In the grainy, black-and-white image, he saw his child. The picture pointed out a heartbeat, a head, a hand, a foot. It was all his and hers. They made that. He smiled; he had to. And there, sitting at his kitchen table, he hit upon a certainty – that he loved her. He loved her more than anything. Stupid mistakes, misunderstandings, meddling parents, and their own insecurities be damned. Looking at those pictures, the images of his child – no, _their child_ – living in her body, a part of her and a part of him coming together to make a whole, he knew they would forever be united and he could not accept that union would only be in the body of their child rather than a home they would build for that baby.

Not five minutes after Lorelai had walked out of the diner, Luke was running after her, afraid that she had already driven away. _She can't be gone, _he thought, _she has to still be here_.

He ran out into the square and saw her parked down the street from the diner. When he caught up to her, she was still sitting in her Jeep. He tapped on the window and she looked up at him; her eyes were rimmed with fresh tears. God, she looked beautiful. Luke felt his body react in spite of his attempts at control. He just wanted to kiss her tears away.

"You can't just tell me that and then walk away. " He told her when she rolled down the window. His voice was loaded with emotion, but he tried to stifle it so he would not frighten her away.

**Please talk to me, don't close the door**

She gulped a sob, looked around her Jeep, and found a tissue. "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what I should do in this situation. I didn't want to be Anna and hide your child from you for twelve years, but we're not together, Luke. How much am I supposed to expect from you at this point?"

Luke leaned on his elbows, his head inside the Jeep, making sure that he was in her face so that she could not run away.

**Don't!... Don't give up on trust**

"How long have you known about this?"

"A couple of months."

"And you're just now telling me?"

"I feel like we've had the conversation before except it was the other way around."

"I'm just saying, two months is an awfully long time to go without telling me something big like this."

"Yeah, well, so is twelve years. But I decided not to be Anna, I decided that I should not do that to you."

"And, believe me, after the last year, I appreciate that, but, still, you could have told me sooner. It's my kid too, you know."

"Well, after that night with Christopher, after all of the things you said and I said, I wasn't sure how you felt about me. I wasn't sure how you were going to feel about having a child with me, the woman who did this horrible thing to you."

**Don't give up on me**

"Lorelai--"

**Don't tell me to go**

Lorelai became impatient with him. "I don't deserve it, OK? I don't deserve you being nice to me, I don't deserve to be happy. I don't, Luke. I made a huge mistake. I lost you because of it. For the rest of my life, I will regret that I lost you. Now this pregnancy, I don't know what it means, what to do with it. I will love this child so much, just like I did with Rory. But I'm sad. I won't have his daddy around to help me and to share this with me. I don't know what to do with myself now. Part of me wants to die because I have lost you and myself in some ways and part of me wants to beg you to be mine again so we can have this child together the right way. But asking you to take me back because of this child makes this child the reason we are together. If it doesn't work out, the kid will always know that. He will see that his mom and dad were together because of him and not because they wanted to be there. Then, if we were to split, he would know that he could not hold us together and he would blame himself and I cannot do that to this child. I screwed up big time. No, better yet, I fucked up big time. I lost you, I lost confidence in myself, but mostly I lost you. And now I'm lost. I'm lost without you. And now I have this child to think about. He does not deserve to have my mistakes hanging over his head. I have to figure out what's next."

Luke smiled a little. "So it's a boy."

Lorelai gave him a small smile back. "No, I don't know that yet. I just have a feeling about it. I have a few more weeks to go before I can learn the sex."

"You don't have to do this by yourself, you know."

Lorelai huffed at that statement. She wanted to say the same thing about him and April. She wanted to, but she hesitated because she was afraid to make an awful situation worse, but she was also tired of hiding her emotions. The night of the ultimatum brought that out in her again. "Well, I could have said the same thing about you and April."

"Lorelai--"

**Don't pretend that it's okay**

"I have to go." She started the Jeep. He looked at her, saw her eyes look straight him, one of the only few times she had done that since they had split. Those eyes brought on a hitch in his chest, something he could only describe as an ache. He wanted to make things right again, but he just didn't know how.

**Things won't get better that way**

"Why did you run away from me that night? I was standing there in the gazebo. I really did want to talk to you."

**Do you feel what I feel inside?**

"I have to go!" Then she was gone, her Jeep slowly rolling away.

When she was gone, Luke opened a beer and sat back down in the chair he had been in and stared at where she had been sitting. He held those sonogram pictures in his hand, staring at them, trying to absorb the reality of the situation. He knew it was entirely too early for a beer, but, at that particular moment, the mere act of something so mundane coupled with the calming effects of the alcohol made it the perfect remedy.

**I have sunk so low**

**I have messed up**

_Pregnant? Pregnant? Pregnant? _He had to repeat it to himself over and over. He had to smile and shake his head. _Pregnant? _He wanted to get excited. He wanted to be happy, but all he think of was the uncertainty of the situation. Then he got angry. This would be his second child – at least that he knew of – and he was again not part of it. Anna had not let him be a part of April's early years; he would never have known about her had April not taken some initiative in the situation. Was this kid going to be the same way?

**Time always reveals  
The lonely light of morning  
The wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
That I have held so dear.**

He had to do something to fix this. He had to. The question became then, how? What could he do to show her that he wanted them to have another chance? Did he really want them to have another chance? As he swigged the last of his beer, he tossed the bottle in the trash and then picked up the sonogram pictures again. He smiled, running a finger over the image of his child, his son if Lorelai's instincts were correct.

_Mommy, who is my daddy? _

_Where is he? _

_When will I see Daddy again? _

_Why doesn't Daddy live with us? _

In his head, a child with Lorelai's blue eyes and his dark hair sat on the floor playing with blocks and looking up at a forlorn Lorelai who found herself in the same place again. She would be strong for this child as she was for Rory, but he could see that it would kill her. Why was he imagining himself as absent? Was the fact that she had come to him a signal, a volley into his court? Was it up to him to pick that ball up and run with it? He could not leave it all to her. What kind of man would he be if he did?

**I have messed up**

"We'll figure this out, won't we?" he asked the picture. "You and me." He slipped the pictures into his shirt pocket and went back to work in the diner, contemplating his next move.

When Lorelai walked into the diner, Kirk was sitting at the counter, nibbling on breakfast. He was due at his real estate 'office' within the hour, but he always liked to stop in at Luke's to have his morning meal to have a good start to his day. His mom was never one to make breakfast for him nor to be around while he was eating it so that he could have company in the mornings so he always stopped in at Luke's. There, he had no shortage of food or opportunities to talk. Today, though, he was especially fortunate to have been at Luke's for the scoop of the day, one that even Miss Patty or Babette did not have. He was there when Lorelai Gilmore returned to Luke's Diner for the first time in what had to be at least three months. He stopped and looked and felt gratified to see her back in Stars Hollow after her rumored move away. She sat two stools down from him at the counter and spoke quietly so Kirk did not have the chance to hear what she said. He and the rest of the diner watched Luke and Lorelai depart for Luke's apartment upstairs, all of them watching out of the corner of their eyes as the town's star couple ascended to Luke's apartment.

When Lorelai whooshed past him, obviously in a hurry to get out of there, a few minutes later, Kirk's gaze followed her out of the diner. He went over to one of the diner's large picture windows, trying to see where she was going. When he saw that she had gone to her Jeep, he heard Luke come thundering down the stairs and bolt out of the diner trying to catch her. He watched them talk for a few minutes and then watch Lorelai's Jeep pull away from Luke slowly. He stood there in street watching her go with the whole of the diner staring out the windows at him. When Luke started back toward the diner, they all went back to their food. Kirk slammed money down on the counter in front of Lane and took off for Miss Patty's just as Luke was walking back in the diner.

By noon, the whole town had heard about Luke and Lorelai's conversation and collectively speculated on what it meant. Were the super couple getting back together? Why had they broken up in the first place? After hearing about everything, after having exhausted the subject with Patty and Tilly again, Babette stood in her yard looking at the Gilmores' former home, rubbing her hands anxiously, hoping that soon everything would be fixed. She had faith that Rory had listened to her plea to do something and working on the situation.

"She has to fix it. She just has to." Babette told Morey as she went back inside her house.

It had been a few weeks since he had spoken to Emily about Lorelai and the breakup. He had tried calling Lorelai, but her home phone was no longer in service and she wasn't answering her cell phone. He even called from a pay phone so that she could not recognize the number, but she still did not answer; he figured she must have recognized the Boston area code. So he was left with no contact with her. _Not surprising, I guess_, he thought, _we didn't exactly part on the best terms. _He had had little luck with Rory as well. Since she hung up on him, he had not been able to catch her. He thought about going to New Haven and visiting her at her apartment, but he wasn't sure if that would work either. Nevertheless, he had to do something. It was either visit his daughter or visit her mother and he was not sure how far he could get with either of them.

He decided to try Rory first. It was summer and he knew that she was taking classes that term because he had paid tuition. He left Gigi with her nanny, took a day off work, and drove to New Haven. He was glad that he remembered where Logan and Rory lived because then he didn't have to do any poking around in the phone book or on Yale's campus. When neither his ringing of the doorbell nor his knocks were answered, he figured that Rory had to be in class and decided to wait in the foyer until she came home.

When Rory stepped off the elevator, her arms full of books, she grimaced at her father's presence. She did not want to see him. She was still angry about his part in her mother's broken engagement; she had hoped that the unreturned phone calls would have clued him into her ire. However, he was paying for school so she decided that she at the very least could hear what he had to say before she dismissed him.

"Want some help?" he asked as she reached in her back to find keys.

"No, I have it. Thank you." Deftly balancing books and bag, she unlocked the apartment's front door. Christopher was impressed as he watched her do this; it was a feat of concentration and balance that he was not sure he could pull off. She set her books down and invited him in. The apartment was dark and quiet.

"Where's Logan?"

Rory had gone to the kitchen to make some coffee, leaving her father standing there looking around. "Logan is in London working for his father for the next year."

"Yikes. That sucks."

Rory let out a small laugh. "Yes, it does. So right now it's just me, but I hear from him every other day right now. One of us will visit the other before fall semester starts, I'm sure."

"Well, I can get you a ticket to London if you want to surprise him."

Rory sat down on the sofa with her cup of coffee, stirring cream and sugar into it. "No, thank you," she said crossly. She did not want anything from her father right now, especially a gift like that.

Christopher sat down on the other end of the sofa, watching Rory as she sipped her coffee. "So how are things at Yale?"

Rory, impatient with his presence, huffed and looked her dad in the eyes. "What do you want, Dad?"

"I wanted to visit and catch up with my daughter."

"No, I'm sure you're here to pump me for information about Mom."

"Rory—"

"I know what happened between the two of you. You pretty much admitted to sleeping with Mom while she was supposed to be engaged to Luke. She went to you for comfort and you took advantage of her."

"Rory, I did not come here to discuss that…"

"Well, tough. Mom and Luke broke up, Dad. Did you know that? Mom is miserable and Luke is miserable and, yes, some of that is their fault, but they didn't have to end the engagement. They could have worked things out if it weren't for you."

"I know about your mother and Luke. Your grandmother called me."

"She did?"

"Yes, she called me and asked me to keep an eye on your mother while she was going through this with Luke. I take it that neither you nor your mother informed your grandparents about my role in everything."

"Mom did not tell them. I did not want to tell them either because I felt that they did not need to know exactly what led to Mom's and Luke's break."

"Thank you."

"We didn't do it to protect you. We did it because Mom is going through hell right now, blaming herself for everything and she really did not want to hash it out with her parents in addition to all of the other misery she is carrying around."

"I want to go see her, Rory. I want to see how she is doing."

"I don't think you should, Dad. I really think it would be better if you would stay away."

"Come on, Rory. Your mother came over to see me that night; I did not pursue that."

"You didn't stop it either. You knew how Luke felt about you and yet you still let her in."

"She's a grown woman, Rory. She can choose where she goes and who she spends her time with."

"I know this," Rory said, rolling her crystalline blue eyes. "I'm not quarreling with the fact that she can choose to spend time with you. I'm angry about the fact that you allowed her to make a huge mistake when you saw how distraught and fragile she was at that moment."

"Rory, she told me that they had broken up. She told me that they were not getting married. She said that she did not want to be alone that night. What else was I supposed to do?"

"How about not take your clothes off? How about comforting her and taking her out for coffee to calm down? How about driving her home and making sure she goes to bed? How about anything except what you guys actually did?"

Christopher hesitated. Rory was obviously still angry about what had happened and him pointing out her mother's complicity in that evening's events was obviously not going to help things. "Look, Rory, I do not want to get into this with you. What happened between your mother and I happened and we can't undo it. I'm sorry that she and Luke are no longer together, but I'm not sorry that I was there for her when she needed someone." He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his body turned toward his daughter. "Now, your grandmother asked me to keep an eye on you and your mother while they were in Europe. I've tried calling your mother at home and on her cell and she is not answering. Your home phone has been disconnected. What is going on?"

Rory didn't want to tell him. She didn't like her father disturbing her mother again, especially after all of the turmoil that he had a hand in making worse. That Lorelai was pregnant added to that reluctance. _I don't want to tell him_ _because I am afraid of what he might do_, she said to herself, but she knew that if she did not tell him, he would just find the information out from someone else. "She sold our house and moved to Litchfield. After she and Luke broke up, she wanted to find a way to start over and moving seemed to be the right move for the moment."

Christopher was visibly surprised. Lorelai had been in Stars Hollow since Rory was a baby. Whatever had happened between her and Luke had to be serious enough for her to make that sort of decision. "Can I visit her? Would it be OK with you if I went to check up on her?"

Rory eyed him suspiciously. "I can't keep you from her. You both magically seem to know how to find each other. You have to promise me, though, that you are just going to pay her a friendly visit, just check up on her. Do not go over there thinking that you can start something with her. She does not need you to make a move on her right now."

Christopher's smile hid his true intentions. Certainly, he would not make his move right then; he needed to give her time to recover from her breakup. But he was determined that she was his. For him, Lorelai was the love of his life. No other woman, not even Sherry, had meant so much to him. He was tired of waiting for the right opportunity. The one chance he had with her was taken away by Sherry and Gigi. With Sherry gone, Gigi needed a mother. Lorelai had done such a great job with Rory that Christopher wanted her to do the same for his second daughter. First, though, he had to keep Rory's suspicions at bay so that he could see Lorelai. The rest would come later. "Rory, honey, I'm just doing what your grandmother asked of me. I'm concerned about Lorelai. I want to make sure she's OK."

Rory nodded and then reached for a pad of paper. As she wrote down her mother's contact information, she looked at her father, her expression registering her protest. "I'm only giving this to you because I am afraid that you will find this information some other way. If I hear of you pulling a stunt with her, I will tell Grandma and Grandpa about your part in all of this and I am sure that they will not be happy to hear about how you have been treating her."

"Rory," Christopher laughed as if she were being silly, but really he was trying to hide the nervousness behind it. "Please trust that I have nothing but the noblest of intentions here. Your mother is hurting and all I mean to do is go over there to see if I can help in some way."

Rory offered him some coffee as a peace offering, tired of talking about the subject. She was worried about what he might do, but knew that she could be entirely wrong about him as well. She knew she should call her mother to warn her and promised herself that she would do that as soon as her father was gone. Would Christopher notice that Lorelai was pregnant? If he did, what would he do about it? What would she do? Rory had already promised Babette that she would do what she could with Luke and Lorelai; her father's return to their lives might complicate that and she was none too thrilled about it

That Tuesday, it had been nearly two weeks since April had seen her father last. She was still disappointed that he and Lorelai had broken up, but she had soon realized that his not telling her about it was not him trying to hide her from Lorelai or Lorelai from her. Perhaps it was more that he was hurt and sad and he did not want to burden her with that. Perhaps it was that he was afraid of how April would react to the news. Whatever it was, April was now ready to go back to the diner and Stars Hollow and apologize to her dad.

But now she had a problem.

"No, April, I am not letting you go back to Luke's." Anna was standing in the kitchen that morning as April prepared her breakfast, her hands on her hips. April could see that Anna was not backing down from this and April found that she might have made a mistake staying away from Luke's.

"Mom, please. I want to go back to see him. I want to talk to him about what happened between him and Lorelai, to apologize for getting mad at him about not telling me. I think I understand why, but I need to talk to him first."

"April, I can't risk you spending time with him if he can't be honest with you. What else has he not told you or me? We don't even know why they broke up."

April wondered at what her mother was implying. "They did not break up because of me, if that is what you are thinking. Luke said that."

"Oh, honey," Anna hugged April and looked at her. "I know you want to think that and I would dearly love to believe that, but you have not known Luke as long as I have."

April shrugged her mother's arms off of her. "You are making Luke sound like some irresponsible jerk. He is not like that, Mom. You had not seen him in years when I found him. You don't know what kind of person he is now."

"April, I am your mother. If I cannot trust him to take care of you, then I cannot allow you to see him. That's it. I am not taking you to see Luke. I'm sorry, honey." Anna kissed April on the top of her head and walked back to her bedroom to finish getting ready for her day. April stood there in the kitchen, watching her mother retreat into her room. April stuck her tongue out at the space where her mother had been.

_Now what? _April asked herself. _How am I going to see my dad if my mom won't let me leave?_

The townhouse was beautiful. Though it was dusk and the color was beginning to fade, he could see it; the red brick façade looked very much like Lorelai, a classic beauty with a twist. The extra architectural features, the little touches, were that twist. He was excited to be there in front of her house. In his mind, he could hear "On the Street Where You Live" and he was cavorting up and down the street like Freddy did in "My Fair Lady," ecstatic that he could be here.

He rang the doorbell nervously. He knew that she had to be there. Her Jeep was parked out front. But the curtains were drawn and he could not tell if there were any lights on there. He heard footsteps coming toward the door and smoothed out his shirt and jeans.

She opened the door, obviously groggy. She had her hair pulled back and was clad in an oversized t-shirt and pajama pants. She was beautiful disheveled and he smiled. "Chris, what are you doing here?" she asked, leaning against the door.

"Hi, Lorelai. Your parents called me and asked me to look in on you while they were gone. They were worried about you."

She stood there, arms crossed, still groggy. Thankfully, Rory had called her to warn her about Christopher's possible visit. "I'm really not sure that I should let you in, Christopher."

"Come on, Lor. Are you still mad?" Christopher knew he sounded stupid saying that. Of course, she was still angry. She had lost her fiancé and he had something to do with that, but so had she and he had to remind himself of that. He was just trying to help her; she had come to him.

"Am I still mad? Chris, Luke and I broke up. We are no longer together. I gave the ring back. I sold my house and moved away from Stars Hollow. Granted, problems existed before that night but my waking up with you sealed the deal."

"Lorelai, you came to me. You told me that you did not want to be alone that night. I did what you asked of me."

"Chris, I woke up in your bed. I don't even remember how I got there. I was naked. I was naked in your bed when I should have been at home or with Luke." She looked down at her bare feet, fidgeting nervously.

Christopher looked around, trying to find a way to divert from that topic. "Hey, it's getting dark here. Can I come in?"

"You know, I don't really want you to. Part of the reason why I am here is you and I think it will be awhile before I can let you in. If I ever can let you in again."

"Lorelai, please. Let me in, just for a few minutes. I am doing this for your parents. They are worried about you."

"I appreciate that you think enough of them to do what they ask of you. That Rory and I declined to tell them of your role in this mess is the reason why they still trust you. Don't make me change that."

"You know, Rory already threatened me with that. She told me that she would enlighten your parents if I pulled anything with you. My intentions are honorable, Miss Gilmore. My reasons for being here are purely altruistic. I just wanted to check in on you."

Lorelai considered his words for a moment. She looked him up and down, still considering his words. She did not want to trust him; she had thought she could go over there that night and find comfort with a friend. Instead she found that she had made a huge mistake. Now Luke was gone, she had left her home, and she was going to be a single mother again. Tired of blaming herself, Lorelai was tempted to lay the blame on him, but she knew she couldn't. It was not going to undo what they had done and it was not going to bring Luke back. "I'm fine, Chris. If you talk to my parents before I do, you can tell them that. I have settled in here. I am still working at the Inn and my life is going on after all of the turmoil of the last couple of months."

Silence fell between them again. Christopher rocked back and forth on his heels and figured that her speech was his cue to go. She was not going to let him in. He would not have the opportunity to talk to her that he wanted. He was just going to have to wait a little longer and hope that he would be more successful on another visit. "I guess then that I will go. Can I use your restroom first? It is a bit of a drive back to Boston."

"All right," Lorelai agreed reluctantly. She stood aside and let him inside her home. The walls were still white, which surprised him, but the monkey lamp and several other touches made it very obvious that it was her home. She pointed him toward the bathroom on the first floor. He walked down that little hallway and turned to go in the bathroom when he caught a glimpse of something in the corner of his eye. He was so surprised that he had to look again because he really was not sure that he saw what he saw. He ducked his head down the hallway to see if Lorelai was watching; instead she was sitting on her sofa, her back to him. He touched the bedroom door opposite the bathroom gently so as to avoid the door's creak. He stuck his head in as far as he could and saw a crib standing there. A baby's crib. It was bare of bedding, but nevertheless it was there. He also saw a changing table next to it, but the room seemed to be mostly empty except for that and the crib. Christopher quickly stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He stood there contemplating what he saw. Was Lorelai pregnant? Was it his? How long had it been since that night? But that's when he stopped himself. It wasn't possible for this child to be his. They had not had sex; it could only be Luke's, but now Chris had his angle. He knew how he could get her attention and possibly make her his. _Thank you, God, for Emily Gilmore and my tiny bladder_, he thought. He left the bathroom and walked back into the living room. Lorelai looked up at him, not smiling, with a look of 'please leave.'

"I guess I will go," he said, sticking his hands in his front pockets as he had the tendency to do when he was nervous.

"Bye," she said, not getting up. "Have a safe trip back." She just sat on the couch, staring ahead, like he was already gone.

Christopher let himself out, the image of the crib burned in his brain. Outside on her front stoop, he smiled. He got in his car and picked up his cell phone, dialing quickly as he started the car up. He called his nanny to ask if she would stay with Gigi overnight, promising a nice bonus with her next paycheck. Then he got on the road, this time driving in the opposite direction, toward New York City instead of Boston. He checked himself into a hotel downtown, that same smile still hanging out on his face. _I have it,_ he did a little dance as he thought it, _I have the key to getting her and keeping her for good._

The next morning, Christopher was standing in Tiffany's famous jewelry section, spending his day bent over glass cases with diamond rings, flirting with the salesgirls as he looked for _the ring_.

April Nardini was quite certain that her mother had lost her mind.

Standing outside her friend Janet's house, April hovered behind her friend as Janet sprayed her stepmother's flowerbeds with water. While Janet casually ran the spray of water back and forth over the flowers, April stood entranced, still talking.

"I don't understand it. She just told me that I couldn't see or talk to him again. How can she do that? How can she just cut me off like that? He's _my dad_!"

Janet stood up. "Well, she is your mom. She has you. You are _her kid_. If Hagrid had custody of you or at least visitation rights, then it would be different. You would have some legal recourse. But, right now, you are totally hers." Janet was an expert on custody battles. Her parents had fought long and hard over her and her brothers and her dad had finally won, thank goodness. Janet shivered at the thought of living with her workaholic mother.

April considered what Janet said for a moment. "So what? Luke needs to do something legally so that I can see him? Where are my rights?"

"Are you going to go to a lawyer and say, 'hey, I want to visit my dad, but my mother won't let me. What's next?' How could you do that? You don't have any money and you're thirteen."

"Correction: I do have money. I have $342.54 saved up in my college fund so far. However, I would prefer to allow it to continue drawing interest seeing as you're making it sound like it may not be enough for a lawyer."

Janet nudged April toward the next bed of flowers. As she began spraying yet another grouping of flowers, Janet said, "You could always call Luke, you know? Tell him this. Maybe he has been trying to get a hold of you and doesn't know what to do right now. If you called him, you could tell him, 'hey, I want to see you' and 'by the way, the only way that will happen is if you can get custody or visitation rights.'"

"How am I going to do this, Janet? My mom can track my cell phone calls. All she has to do is go online and see who I have been calling. If she sees his number, she'll go ballistic on me."

As her stepmother pulled into the driveway, waving madly and flashing a bag of tacos, Janet rolled her eyes at her friend, waving her cell phone in her hand. "Hello? You can use my cell phone!"

April grabbed it and said, "Heh, thanks!", running away from Janet and her watery task. She scurried into the best hiding place she could find – beneath a big shade tree – and dialed Luke's number.

He answered on the first ring and April launched rapidly into her apology and plea for Luke to do something so that she could see him again. He slowed her down so that he could understand her and then talked with her for an hour about what was happening with Anna and how he could see April again. April pleaded with him to act and Luke knew that inaction on his part could cost him. It already had once.

April's call had frightened Luke. He had not seen her in a couple of weeks and suddenly she calls him out of the blue, telling him that her mother was the reason why she had not been back. He could hear the panic in her voice; it gratified him to know that she felt enough of an attachment to him that she would fight for it, but, at the same time, he realized how silly he had been to think that her desires would be enough to keep their relationship going. He knew that Anna had been nervous about Luke getting to know his daughter, but he did not anticipate that she would keep April from him now that they knew about each other. Apparently, he had underestimated Anna's instinct to protect April.

He sat in his apartment now, contemplating what to do next. He had spent the remainder of the diner's hours so distracted by his predicament that Caesar had sent him upstairs so that he could finish up the evening and close the diner. Luke was thankful for the chance to sit away from the scrutiny of the townspeople, some of whom he could swear were still talking about Lorelai's visit a few days before. He could never hear what they actually were saying, but he knew they had to be speculating about what was going down between the two of them. April's phone call had provided him with the first real distraction from their breakup, but it was not a welcome one. Now he was faced with losing his daughter mere weeks after losing his fiancée. He wasn't sure he would survive April's loss on top of Lorelai's.

_Lorelai_. That was it. She could give him advice. He was not sure how willing she would be to dispense it, but her visit to tell him about the pregnancy apparently meant that they were talking to some extent, right? He could call her, right? She had called him when they had broken up the first time, seeking her friend Luke even though her boyfriend Luke had just told her he was not sure that he could be in that relationship. Perhaps he could do the same here. His fiancée might be gone, but his friend Lorelai could still be there.

He picked up his phone and dialed her cell phone number, realizing that he did not know her home number. Since it was after ten, he was not sure if she would answer so he was prepared to leave a voicemail. He was surprised to hear her pick up on the third ring.

"Rory?" She mumbled almost incoherently into the phone. She had been asleep and his call had woken her. He was tempted to hang up, but he knew that she would check her phone in the morning and see that he had called. Then she would probably call him back and so he would be doubly embarrassed at that point, for both calling and waking her up and then hanging up on her. He was determined to have this conversation if she would let him. Now he just had to get his voice to work.

"Hey, Lorelai, it's me."

He heard her shift the phone and suddenly her voice was clearer and louder. "Hey, you, what's up?"

"I'm sorry to call you so late."

"Luke, it's only ten o'clock. There are raccoons that are just now getting around to their work. I'm a pregnant woman. I'm always in bed by, like, nine."

Luke laughed, unsure of how to respond to that. He wished he were there to see her go to bed that early. He had always been the one in bed first and she was inevitably up several hours after he was softly snoring beside her. Now she was the one hitting the sack first. If he were there with her, he would tease her mercilessly about this. He had to push his ache to the back of his mind so he could continue their conversation. "Well, I hope you don't mind me waking you. I wanted to ask you for your advice."

"Really?" she sounded surprised. He heard a click in the background and figured she had turned on a lamp. She was fully awake now. "What's up? Is it April?"

"Actually, yes." Luke kicked around a stray balled-up napkin he saw on the floor as he stood there talking. "I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks and today I learned why."

"OK."

"April got mad at me during her last visit because she found out that you and I were no longer together. She asked me if she was the reason why we broke up and I had to reassure her that she wasn't. Then she accused me of not letting her into my life and asked me if I had intentionally kept you from her since she had only seen you once or twice before we had broken up."

Lorelai grimaced. Poor April. She could see why the young woman thought she might be the reason behind their breakup, but it wasn't April that was the problem so much as it was how Luke reacted to April's presence in their lives. The kid was apparently smarter than her mother and probably Luke gave her credit for and she had honed in on the situation in a way that Lorelai had been unable to for months. "Wow, I'm sure that threw you off guard."

Luke pulled out a chair and sat down. "Exactly. I didn't know what to say. How can I admit to my child that it was my handling of her appearance in our lives that contributed to all of this? She guessed that the reason why she had not seen you more was because I was afraid that she would like you better. She guessed that! I didn't even tell her; she just figured it out on her own. Anyway, she was right. I did somewhat intentionally keep the two of you apart, which now is rearing its ugly head as a huge mistake on my part. So when Anna comes to get her, I have to tell Anna that we're no longer together so that I can explain why April is upset. Anna tells me that it figures that I could not hold our relationship together, I'm sure because I wouldn't commit to her and hold hers and my relationship together so many years ago. I'm standing there, thinking _hooo boy_ and wondering when I will hear from them next. Two weeks goes by and nothing. No visits, no calls. I tried calling them both, but no answer. I leave messages and they don't return my calls. I was on the verge of going over to Anna's myself when April calls. And guess what?"

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"April tells me that Anna will not allow her to see me anymore. She told April that she does not trust me and that she does not think it was a good idea for April to spend time with me anymore. My kid then proceeds to call me from a friend's house on a friend's cell phone to tell that I need to do something about custody and asserting my legal rights or she's afraid that she won't see me again."

"Uh-oh. So now what?"

"Well, that's why I'm calling you. I wanted to ask your advice about the situation. I mean, that is, if you don't mind talking about this with me."

"No, I don't mind."

"Good. I was not sure if you would want to talk to me or not."

Lorelai melted. Tears sprang to her eyes and she had to swallow hard to stifle the sob that rose in her chest. She calmed her voice enough to say "Luke, you can call me anytime. You know that."

"Well, I wasn't sure, considering all that has gone down between you and me in the last few months, especially when much of it has been as a result of April."

"Luke, I don't blame April for anything. Certainly there were aspects of this situation that could have been handled differently by the both of us, but April herself is not the problem. She is a great kid and she deserves to have her father in her life."

Luke smiled slightly on the other end. Lorelai was right; the both of them could have handled the situation better, especially him, but that didn't change the fact that April needed him and he needed to have a relationship with his daughter. "What do you think I should do?"

"Have you had any contact with Anna since the last time you saw April? Did Anna give a reason why?"

"No, I haven't spoken with her. What I know came from April. I have called Anna at home, at her store, and on her cell and she does not answer. I leave messages and she does not return my calls. I called April's cell phone and the same happened. April said that Anna monitors her phone calls so she could not call me because she did not want to get in trouble. She said that she had tried talking to her Anna, but her mother was adamant that she did not want April to have contact with me because she feared that I could not be trusted. I'm really not sure what to do now."

"Didn't you say April told you that you needed to find a way to assert your legal rights to her?"

"She did. She said that it might be the only way that I can keep seeing her. Anna has sole custody of her, but I could file for either joint custody or visitation rights and then Anna is legally obligated to allow me to spend time with April."

"So do that. You had a lawyer when you divorced Nicole, right? Go back to that lawyer and see if he can help you."

"Well, that's the thing. I didn't exactly have a lawyer during the divorce. Nicole had a crew of them and I worked with them myself because I did not see the need for me to have a lawyer when she had more than enough for the two of us. I'm sure I could call on one of them to help me out with this."

"If you can't find one, let me know and perhaps I could call my father to see if he knows any good family practice lawyers."

"I would appreciate that. Let me make some calls first before you go to that much trouble."

"Oh, it wouldn't be any trouble, Luke. I would be happy to help you get April back. You need to be with your child. She is such a good kid and she needs her dad. I wish Rory's dad had been so concerned about her." She stopped at the mention of Christopher, but then decided to continue on to gloss over it. "Luke, regardless of how screwed up our lives get, our children still need us. I did what I could to be there for Rory even when my own life was crazy and uncertain. You have to do the same for April and I know that you will because that is the kind of man that you are."

Luke swallowed hard, trying to push down the lump in his throat that had developed when she said that. "How, how can you be nice to me about this? How can you help me with this after everything?"

Silence developed on the other end; he heard her take a breath and knew that sound. She must be feeling the same emotions he was, missing the other, wishing that things could be different. "Luke, I'm not sure what the right thing to say is here, but I care about you and I always will. I'm having this baby, yours and mine, so you will always be a part of my life if you want to be."

Somehow he had always known that. He knew that the same thing applied to her, that she would always be welcome. The anger had faded, the hurt no longer that of betrayal but more of the sting of her absence. "Same here, you know. Same here."

He heard her smile, that small noise that she would make, halfway between a laugh and a sigh. "Thanks, Luke." _I miss you_, she wanted to say, _I love you_. _Why are we apart? Why did you give me up? _But the second she thought it, she remembered why. In her mind, she could see Christopher's arm around her waist, the both of them horizontal in bed. His visit the other day was unwelcome and she was afraid that he would try to repeat it. She didn't want Christopher to be on her doorstep; she wanted Luke to appear there.

"Hey, it's getting late and I am sure that you want to get back to bed."

"Oh, no, I'm awake now if you still want to talk about April." Then he heard her yawn and he smiled.

"I think I know what I will do. I'll call a lawyer in the morning and see what I can do to take care of this situation. I appreciate you listening to me and offering advice. I really needed that right now."

"No problem." He heard her yawn again.

"So being pregnant is tiring?"

"You have no idea. I can't get enough to eat and I can't get enough sleep. We're barely out of the first trimester and I already feel like a small blimp."

"I thought you looked fantastic the other day."

"You did? Thanks."

Silence fell between them. It felt like nothing had changed. This was so easy, the compliments, the verbal banter. They could go on all night. "I have some early deliveries. I think I had better get to bed."

"OK. Good night."

"Good night, Lorelai." He hung up the phone slowly, part of him unwilling to sever the connection. He tried to imagine her in bed, rolling over on her side, her growing belly protruding under her t-shirt. He wanted to be there, to watch her stomach grow with their child, to hold her as she slept, to put his hands on her stomach and feel. Luke sat down on his bed, still holding the phone. He remembered waking up the morning after the ultimatum, the phone still clutched in his hand, feeling miserable and uncertain. The misery was gone, but the uncertainty was still there. Without her, he felt like he could never trust life to work right again.

He put the phone down and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He descended the stairs, walked through the diner, and walked out to the gazebo. He sat down on one of the benches and looked around. The twinkle lights were the same as they had been the night that they had gotten engaged. He could see them both standing there, him leaning into her.

"_Oh, are you going to kiss me again? You're so predictable."_

He smiled. He liked thinking about that moment. Her proposal was a surprise, but, in the end, it was the best proposal he could have imagined for them. It was he who initiated the first kiss; she was the one who initiated the idea of forever. She pushed him in directions that he never thought he would go. She helped him paint the diner. She was there when he needed advice about Jess. She listened to him. She encouraged him. She was the force that pushed him out of his inertia. If it weren't for her, nothing in his life would ever change. Who knows where he would have ended up if it weren't for her?

**I feel just like I'm sinking  
And I claw for solid ground**

Sitting there, remembering their many moments in the gazebo, eating together after the basket auction, kissing over and over the night they got engaged, Luke realized that he wanted her back in his life. He knew that they both had a hand in her night with Christopher; his obliviousness to her concerns, his keeping April and Lorelai apart, and his habit of dealing with things by himself left her feeling helpless and alone. She acknowledged her mistake in choosing to go to Christopher rather than going anywhere else. Now that everything was out and they both had had time to process, he realized that breaking the engagement was probably not the right thing to do. He was alone. She was alone. He could quite possibly lose his daughter because Anna felt she could not trust him to hold things together. She was facing single parenthood again. Nothing felt right. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the sonogram pictures again. He had taken these out and looked at them several times a day since she had told him. Luke would sneak back to the storeroom and take them out to talk to his child. This was his child and, despite the fact that for now the child was just an image on paper, he already felt close to him. He smiled as he took on the pronoun that Lorelai had assigned the baby already. He felt the inertia again. He could see himself carried along on the same path, alone, working at the diner, his children not with him, and the thought of all of that made him unhappy.

**I know I could love you much better than this**

"So," he spoke to those blurry, black-and-white images, "What are we going to do now, kid? What are we going to do?"

To Be Continued…

(Lyrics: "Don't" Shania Twain; "Fallen" Sarah McLachlan; "Full of Grace" Sarah McLachlan"


	7. Chapter 7

i Did you catch the big revelation in the last chapter? It was subtle and small, but I'm wondering if anyone saw the bomb as I dropped it. /i

center b Chapter 7 /b /center

Time seemed to heal all. That much was a certainty. Luke had called her. They were talking.

When Lorelai put down the phone, she put her hands on her stomach. "So, kiddo, that was Dad, talking to me about your half-sister April. Apparently he is not having such an easy time with fatherhood right now." Lorelai rolled over in bed, lying on her side, a position much more comfortable for her since the weight of the baby did not rest on her internal organs as it did when she was on her back. She was curled up, almost fetal, but, as much as she thought she wanted to, she could not go back to sleep. Instead, she got up and snuck past Paul Anka, who was asleep in the living room, trying oh-so-quietly to open the front door so she could sit on her stoop.

Her street was tree-lined despite being composed mostly of townhouses. The trees grew in small patches of grass and offered a bit of cover during the day, but, at night, she found that these trees reminded her so much of the trees in the Crap Shack's front yard. They were just enough cover during the day to keep things cool, but at night only added to the beautiful sky above her. Tonight the breeze ruffled the trees a bit and Lorelai leaned to her right a bit to see how big the moon was this night.

** center b 'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see   
You're everything I know  
That makes me believe  
I'm not alone /b /center **

She wondered what Luke was doing at this moment. Had he gone to bed? Was he sitting there thinking of her as she thought of him every night? She felt it very naïve to think that she had enough faith in love that something so poetic was possible. "I am not worthy of such consideration," she said to herself.

** center b I recognize the way you make me feel  
It's hard to think that  
You might not be real /b /center **

No, instead Luke seemed to be thinking more about April. Perhaps that was how it should be. She was only a distraction from this huge event in his life. Now Luke could get to know his daughter without worrying about his crazy, needy fiancée. Was that she had issued the ultimatum? To prove to herself that her suspicions were correct, that Luke needed time to be?

She shook her head at this thought. She knew what the ultimatum was. It was her desperate attempt to hold on to him because she felt him slipping away. He was falling into his own inertia again and she could not nudge him out of it. He became a moon orbiting around April, slipping into an orbit around her and only her. She was jealous of that; it was not that she had to be the center of his world, but she wanted to be a part of it at least. She could never bring herself to tell him that, though; she only hoped that he would do that of his own volition. When he didn't budge and then he didn't follow her, she knew it was true. She fell outside of his orbit. That was why she was so willing to admit her fault. That was why she did not try to pursue the possibility of reconciliation. Rather than scream and shout and worm her way back into his mind, beyond the initial shock of it all, she just accepted that he was not hers anymore. She moved. She moved on. Or at least she tried to.

** center b I sense it now, the water's getting deep  
I try to wash the pain away from me  
Away from me /b /center **

As much as she wanted to say that she had moved on, she hadn't. A magnetic force was pulling them back toward each other. Oddly enough, she didn't believe in that type of thing. She didn't believe in fate, but now she was starting to. Was he her fate? If so, then why did it seem like they could never stay in the same place at the same time? Once one of them reached a certain point, that point was either ahead of or behind the other. And the person who seemed to be the one always either ahead or behind was her. i _Why do I keep running away from him/i _She knew why. Each time he tried to talk to her, she grew more and more dissatisfied with herself. Here was a man who she had betrayed, who loved her so much that he appeared to be ready to move on enough to speak to her again, even if it was just as friends. Somewhere in him he had forgiven her enough to give her a chance to be in his life. In realizing this, Lorelai felt even guiltier about what she had done with Christopher. She did not deserve Luke. She did not deserve for her life to work out this way. In her mind, she was a horrible, awful person with no impulse control, as summarily indicated by her incessant coffee and junk food diet.

** center b 'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I catch my breath  
It's you I breathe /b /center **

In the back of that same mind, though, was a miniature Lorelai (or at least, that's who she imagined – that small voice in her head belonged to a Oompa-Loompa sized version of her, sitting on a wall or in a chair, whatever she was imagining at the time), saying, "Eh, wait a minute now…." Perhaps if Luke could forgive her, even just enough to be her friend, she could forgive herself too, the small voice said. Could she not chalk the past few months up to a lapse of judgment and to fear? Fear led her here in the first place; her time away from Rory was a result of her big mouth. Perhaps she looked at the situation with Luke and April and thought that if the big mouth came back and she complained about how he was handling the situation, then he would go away too, like Rory did. If he went away, then, he might not come back and Lorelai could not lose him again. Yet she did lose him. She let him become distracted by the April situation. She let him control things and his inertia became her inertia, but she was not someone who could do inertia. The path they were on was torturous for her so she tried to nudge them off that path and, as a result, she found herself alone. Alone and walking dark streets to her car. Driving in the dark to Boston. She did not see what she was doing until the next day and, when finally faced with the harsh light of day, she found that she had done something that she may not ever be able to undo. She made a mistake and it hurt. Rather than retreat back into the darkness, she stood out in the light and it shone upon her and her errors. Now, though, she felt like that harsh light was subsiding and perhaps it was time for her to turn that spotlight off. If Luke could forgive, even just a smidge, she needed to forgive herself too then.

In her mind, too, she saw her baby. She saw his blue eyes and chubby cheeks. In his face was need – i _I need my mommy /i _. When she was raising Rory alone, she never looked back at the past. She never regretted leaving her parents or getting pregnant. She could have always said that she wished it had happened at a different time, but, if it had, then she might not have had Rory. So she could not have regrets when this kid emerged. She could not regret how he came about because he came about out of love and, regardless of her mistakes, he was going to know his father and he was going to know his mother's love. Regardless of what happened with Luke, she would love this child. She would not look back. She could only look ahead.

** center b /b /center **

Standing outside Luke's diner, Rory Gilmore was certain that she was doing the right thing, though she knew her mother would be angry with her when she found out about it.

Luke yawned again as he sat back in the stockroom. The diner was empty so he sat on a stool, hidden away from the prying eyes of Stars Hollow so he could look at those sonogram pictures again. He smiled each time he looked at them.

When he heard the diner door's bell ring, he was tempted to yell that the diner was closed, but, upon checking the clock, he realized that he had an hour left. i _Man /i _, he thought, i _how time has slowed down in the last couple of months /i _. With April absent and Lorelai gone, there seemed to be little else to fill his days. He shook his head and walked out from the kitchen area to take another order.

Instead he found Rory, standing there, smiling. Her hair was pinned back in a bun and she looked like she had just come from work. "Hi, Luke."

He was dumbfounded. Part of him realized at that moment that he had never really expected to see her again, let alone smiling at him as she stood in the diner's doorway. He turned around to reach for the coffee pot, using that motion to catch his breath. Seeing her made him miss her mother even more and wish, in spite of himself, that she were with Rory.

"Coffee?"

"Must you ask?"

As Rory sat down on one of his stools, Luke poured into the mug he reserved for the Gilmore women, looking down as he did, away from those intense blue eyes that were her mother's.

"You want anything to eat?"

Rory shifted on the stool, looking like she had something to say, but was unsure of how to say it. Just like Lorelai. "No thanks." She paused. "Actually, I want to talk to you about you and Mom and your situation."

"Rory—"

"No, hear me out." She looked up at Luke and paused. He put the coffee pot down and leaned against the back counter. "May I speak frankly?" she asked him.

He nodded his assent.

"OK, we – meaning you and me and Mom – have known each other for more than a decade. As a rule, I try not to interfere with Mom's business just as she tried not to interfere in mine in order to give me space and let me grow up able to make my own decisions. However, she has stepped in at times and so I take the liberty to do the same now because I think the two of you have no idea what is best for either of you."

Luke opened his mouth to protest, but shut it when Rory put her hand up.

"I have known you for years. I know how you operate. I know how Mom operates. The two of you are so good together because you are similar people though you have very different tastes in certain things. Both of you have had few people to depend on in your lives."

"When your mom died, you helped your dad by working in his hardware store and doing what you could with Liz. When your dad died, you took care of everything: the funeral, the hardware store, your sister. Sure, Liz took off as soon as she could, but you were always there for her to come back to. You were there for Jess when she wasn't. You were there for her when she wanted to have a wedding and then broke her arm and could not work at hers and TJ's RenFaire booth. You will be there for her when she and TJ have this baby, I'm sure. You have always been there for others to depend on, but no one was ever there for you to depend on. Rachel took off several times and so you could not depend on her to be there for you. Nicole was never really there for you either. But Mom was and that's why the two of you are so good together – when you let yourself depend on her. But when it comes to April, I get the impression that you have taken it all on yourself and, while that would have been certainly understandable before when it was just you, it's not anymore. I have watched Mom go through all this dying to help you, but unwilling to step forward and tell you that she would because she did not want to crowd you, afraid that she would lose you like she had before. She did not want to lose you like she lost me for a time. So instead of leaning on you and trusting you to listen to her, she did the same thing. She would not depend on anyone just as you were not depending on her for help with the April situation."

"Mom had never really anyone to depend on either. My grandparents, while they mean well and certainly always had the best for her in mind, never asked her what she needed; they only told her what they wanted, what they expected from her. She never quite knew how to get them to understand her, and, for whatever reason, be it that my grandmother and grandfather have never been in her shoes or something else, they could not understand her. So she could never depend on them to help her because they would only come back with what they expected from her. She could not depend on my dad because he was young and had some growing up to do and probably still does even now. All she had was herself and me, and, when I was growing up, she had to rely on herself for everything. No one was going to come in and pay the rent when she could not. She had no one to ask parenting advice of; she did what she thought was best with me. Thankfully, it all worked out for me, but for Mom, it is a bit different."

"She never really got to make those mistakes in love that others get to. She was sixteen when she had me. She went from a teenager painting her nails, rocking out to the Go-Gos, and trying to find a way out of the life her parents were handing her to a young mother responsible for another person's well-being. She didn't date when I was growing up. Max was the first man that she let come over and spend the night and even that was only the one time. All of those stupid mistakes that you or I made as teenagers and young adults, my mom has made in her thirties. She is learning about the consequences of love. She has learned about compromise, but, most important than that, she understands that vulnerability is not a bad thing. She has learned to talk about what was bothering her rather than suppress it and put on a happy face. At least, I thought she had."

"This thing with my dad, Luke, it was a mistake. She was distraught and unhappy and she reached out for a friend. What she got instead was someone who used her for his own selfish needs. She doesn't see it that way, though. She sees it as her punishment for her impatience and vulnerability. She thinks that all of this is her fault, when I'm sure that you will admit to some culpability here too."

Luke nodded. She was right; he knew that he shared some responsibility for everything that had happened.

"You two have grown up together over these last ten years or so. You have watched each other make mistakes. You have been there for each other the whole time. I have never seen any two people who go together like you do. She pushes you out of your inertia and brings you out of your shell. You calm her down and let her be herself." Rory took her final sips of her coffee and sat quietly staring into the cup. She felt tired now, like she had been holding on just long enough to deliver this monologue. She missed Logan. Watching her mother and Luke go through all of this, knowing that Logan was thousands of miles away, unable to offer any support, sapped her strength early. Usually she could go on much longer than this. She got up and reached for her wallet.

"Rory, please, you never have to pay for coffee again."

"Thanks, Luke. Please think about what I have said. Is all that has happened so insurmountable that the two of you can't find a way to overcome it? Can't you let my mother help you? You need her; I can see it. She needs you, that I am sure of."

With that, Rory opened the diner door and walked out into the cool summer night. Luke sat down on the stool she had been sitting on and tried to take in her words.

** center b /b /center **

The next day, Luke was pouring more coffee into Andrew's cup when he reached over to answer the ringing phone. "Luke's Diner."

**_ i b "Where is she?!?" /b /i _** The voice on the other was so loud that Luke nearly dropped the phone and the coffee pot.

"Anna?"

"Where is she?!?" she screamed again.

Luke was flabbergasted. "Where's who? April?"

"Yes, April. Who else would I be calling about? Jimmy Hoffa?"

"I don't know where she is, Anna. I haven't seen her in weeks. You haven't been answering my phone calls and you haven't allowed me to see her either."

"Well, that would make you a prime candidate to come here and snatch her, wouldn't it? I don't allow you to see my kid so you come over here and take her yourself."

"Whoa, whoa. April's not just i _your /i _kid, she's i _our /i _kid, i _yours and mine /i _. I have every right to see her if I choose."

"So you choose to do it by coming over here and taking her without telling me. Did you tell her that she could not call me while she was there?"

"Anna, she's not here. I haven't left the diner all day. I don't know where she is!"

"Well, she's not home either." Anna stopped and Luke could hear the panic in her voice turning tearful. "She's not at any of her friends' houses because I called them. She's not at school. She's not at her uncle's. She's not answering her phone."

"Are you sure she's not out walking around town, shopping or hanging out at the library?"

"No, I checked all those places. She's just gone, Luke. I even went in her room, looking for notes or emails about something, anything. There's nothing there either." Anna's voice got really small and Luke could barely hear her next statement. "I think she has run away."

"Why would she run away?"

"Because we have been fighting over you and Lorelai. She's been begging me to come back to Stars Hollow and spend more time with the two of you. I've been jealous and I wouldn't allow her to. She finally just stopped talking to me altogether yesterday." Anna let loose a loud sob. "Oh, Luke, what if something has happened to her? What is someone kidnapped her or hurt her?"

"I'm sure she's fine. We just have to find her."

"How? How are we going to do that?"

"Let me drive around this area between Woodbury and Stars Hollow. If she's anywhere around, I'll find her. I'm going to alert the town to keep an eye out for her." Luke wished that Lorelai was here. i _She would know what to do /i _, he told himself. Now he was stuck trying to handle this crisis on his own. "I'll call when I know something."

"OK. What can I do in the meantime?"

"Stay there. If she comes home, call me. Call your friends and other relatives too and see if they have heard something from April. I will call you in an hour."

An hour later, Luke had circled around the roads between Woodbury and Stars Hollow a couple of times. He called Anna to tell him that nothing had changed and she reported the same thing—no one had seen her. Luke was beginning to wonder if Anna was right, that something had happened to April. Where could that kid possibly be?

Then it hit him. All of this talk about him and Lorelai, what if it lead April to go look for Lorelai? At the Inn? At her old house? April couldn't know that Lorelai had moved; no one had really talked about it and he certainly wasn't going to talk about it with his thirteen-year-old daughter. So, he drove toward the Inn in the hopes that someone had seen her.

There, Michel was at the front counter and several guests were milling around in the dining room and lobby areas. Luke took a quick glance around those areas and then walked up to Michel.

"Hello, diner man. What can I do for you?" Michel said, concentrating on the computer screen rather than looking at Luke. Michel was rather unhappy with Luke; he had scant details about his and Lorelai's breakup, but, as rude as Michel was to Lorelai, he still cared about her and did not like seeing her unhappy like she was.

"Where's Lorelai?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? I need to talk to her for a second."

"She is very busy, diner man. Why do you go away and leave her alone?"

"Michel, this is an emergency. My daughter is missing and I need to know if she's been here."

"Well, let me say that none of us have not seen any bespectacled miniature you's walking around, but you can ask her anyway. She's in her office."

Luke walked behind Michel and knocked on the office door. "Come in," a familiar voice called.

She was staring at her computer screen, glasses on, intent on whatever it was that she was doing. "Michel, I am very busy trying to figure out why these guest ledgers are off. What do you—" In midsentence, she looked up to see Luke standing there. "Hi." She took off her glasses, a little flabbergasted at his presence, her heart fluttering a bit. "What's up?" she said, trying to sound casual.

"April's missing. Have you seen her?"

"What? Missing how?"

Luke sat down in one of the chairs in front of her desk. "Anna called. She can't find April anywhere. They've been fighting and she thinks that April might have run away. I was wondering if she happened to have come by the Inn."

"Why would she come here?"

Luke hesitated. The guilt about their situation came rushing back to him every time he thought about her; seeing her made the guilt gnaw at his stomach. "She's been asking about you. She wanted to spend more time with you and she and Anna have been going round and round about it. Anna even stopped allowing April to come see me because she heard about the fact that we had broken up." That was not true; Anna was jealous of Lorelai and had admitted to him not two hours earlier, but he didn't think this was the moment to get into that.

"Oh," Lorelai said in a small voice. "I haven't seen her here. Michel or Sookie would have told me if she came in looking for me." She looked sad and fidgeted with her glasses. "I'm sorry. Have you called everyone in town to ask them to look out for her?"

"I told Miss Patty, Taylor, and Babette. I think we've even got our two police officers out looking for her. Kirk's been combing the area on foot too."

Lorelai put her glasses on. "Sounds like you have it covered. Do you need my help?"

"No, I think I can handle it from here." He took the glasses as a cue that the conversation was over.

"I'll call you if I see her."

"OK, thanks." He got up to leave, walking toward the open door.

"Luke?"

He turned back toward her. "Yeah?"

"You'll find her; don't worry. She's a smart kid. She can take care of herself."

"Thanks." And he was gone.

Lorelai wanted to get up and help. She wanted to ride around in Luke's truck, calling April's name. But this was Luke's life now, not hers, and she wasn't sure if her participation was the right thing to do.

** center b /b /center **

When Luke got back in the truck, he decided to try one more place in Stars Hollow. If April was as determined as he thought she was, then surely she would be there.

** center b /b /center **

Rory had been sitting in the house all day trying to pack, but instead she had gotten wrapped up in the collection of books still sitting in her room. Though Logan had bought the house and her name was on the deed, she felt like she still needed to keep up the pretense of packing and emptying out the house; her mother would think it weird if she were still hanging out in the Crap Shack. The phone had been turned off so it wasn't like her mother could call there to see if anyone were home. Rory had had the power turned back on so that she could see and have air conditioning while she hung out there. She sat in her room in her comfy reading chair and reread another one of her many, many books that she had already read.

When she heard the chiming of the doorbell, she shook her head to make sure that she was still awake. Who could that be? No one was supposed to know that she was there. Her mother hadn't come by the house since the day she moved. Her grandparents were off at the summer home in Martha's Vineyard. Logan was in London. She figured it had to be Lane.

As she walked toward the door, she called out, "Lane, I'm not even supposed to be here. How did you know I was here?" When she opened the door, she quickly saw that it wasn't Lane; it was April.

"Who's Lane?" April asked.

Rory's jaw dropped. i _What is she doing here/i _, she asked herself. Figuring that it might not be good to let April see the practically empty house, she came outside with April. "Hi, April. Lane is my best friend besides my mom."

"Oh, I see." April stood there expectantly, like she was waiting for something.

"What's up, April?" Rory asked, looking around.

"Well, I came over to visit with you and your mom. I wanted to see if I could hang out for a while."

Rory studied April's face for a second, trying read her eyes for what she might know and not know. From her expectant face and the fact that she was standing there, she got the idea that April might not be aware of what had gone down between Luke and Lorelai.

"Mom's not here right now. She's working. I'm doing a bit of studying." Rory led her over to the swing and the two of them sat down in it.

"Why are you here? I thought you went to Yale."

"I do, but I like to come home sometimes and spend the weekend with my mom."

"Don't you have a boyfriend?"

Rory laughed and smiled at April. "Such personal questions! Yes, I do, but he's in London right now so it's just me."

April quieted and looked down at her hands. Rory took the pause as a chance to ask questions of her own. "How did you get here, April? Did Luke bring you?"

"No, I came here on my own."

"How did you know where we lived?"

"Well, you're in the phonebook and Google Maps can be very helpful."

"Ah." Rory nodded. "What made you decide that you wanted to come hang out with me and my mom?"

"Since your mom and Luke are getting married, I wanted to get to know Lorelai a little bit more. Of course, then, I found out that your mom and my dad had broken up, which then led me to stay away from Luke's for a couple of weeks. When I tried to get my mom to bring me to Stars Hollow to visit him again, she didn't want me to do that, so I took matters into my own hands."

"Meaning—"

"I came here of my own volition."

"Wait, so if your mom didn't want you coming here, she didn't bring you. And Luke didn't bring you. So how did you get here then?"

"I took a taxi."

"April!"

"I took some money out of my college savings for the trip and then threw in a little extra to spend on the off chance I needed it."

Now Rory was concerned. "April, does anyone know that you're here?"

April smiled. "Nope. I did this on my own. I found the address, got directions, called for a taxi to pick me up, and here I am."

Rory shook her head. "Oh, boy."

"What?"

"I think we should call your mom."

"No, Why?"

"She's probably worried sick about you!"

"No, I told my friend Janet to cover for me. She thinks I'm at Janet's."

"I think I would call her anyway, just in case."

Just before April could say no, Rory heard someone pull into her driveway and saw Luke parking his truck in a hurry and running toward her and April on the porch.

"Luke!" April smiled at her dad as he approached. He grabbed her and gave her a huge hug. "OK, I'm glad to see you too."

"April, where have you been? Your mother called me at the diner frantic, saying that she could not find you."

"Darnit, I guess Janet's cover didn't work."

"Why did you come here and not to the diner?"

"Well, I wanted to see Lorelai first and I was afraid that the moment I got to the diner, you would call Mom and I wouldn't ever get to see you again. I won't let her keep me from you, Luke. She has no right to keep me from my father. It's my choice what happens between you and me."

Luke held his hands up to stop April and calm here down. "Look, April, I appreciate that you are unhappy about this situation. I am too. I'm glad you called me to tell me that you need me to take responsibility for continuing our relationship, but running away from your mother was not the right thing to do."

"She wasn't going to let me see you ever again, Luke. She forbade me from doing it! What am I supposed to do then? Just lie down and say OK?"

"No, certainly not, but what does running here solve? Don't you think it just made your mother angrier? How can she trust you with me now if she thinks that my relationship with you has made you do something you would not have done before?"

April stood up. "I don't care! If she continues to tell me that I can't come back here, then I will run away again. And I will keep doing it until something changes." April stood up and went into the house, slamming the door behind her.

Rory looked at Luke, who just shook his head. "I can't say that I blame her, Luke. I think she would do it too."

"Yeah, but I can't change Anna. All I can do is try to change our legal status and appeal for joint custody or visitation rights. Anna could fight that tooth and nail. April's been hers for so long that I think she just can't let go of total control."

"I think if you had April tell her what she just told you that perhaps you could get Anna to compromise," Rory watched Luke's expressions as he talked about the situation. She just wanted to observe Luke and approach everything objectively. As much as she wanted to get on to both him and Lorelai about their behavior since April first appeared, she knew that her earlier conversation with Luke and the one she would have with her mother later was about as much meddling as she should do. Instead of offering an opinion, which she was sure Luke didn't need at that moment, she offered options to make the situation manageable. "Look, Anna is probably still freaking out at this moment. Why don't you go back to the diner, call her and have her meet you there, and then come back here? I'll keep April company while you're doing that so she doesn't take off again. You can come and fetch her later when you and Anna are ready to talk."

Luke nodded. "That sounds like a plan. Perhaps it would be better to get this out on the table now when I have the both of them here rather than through lawyers and such." He looked at Rory with appreciation. "Thanks, Rory."

She stood up and did something that was almost always awkward, but she felt like it anyway. She hugged Luke, but this time it felt natural. He had almost been her stepdad, but before that he had always been there for her and her mom. He had been a big part of her formative years and she appreciated it. This appreciation moved her to help in any way that he could. "You're welcome," she said.

"I'm going to tell April to wait here with you." He smiled at Rory and squeezed her shoulder.

As he walked up the front steps to the Crap Shack's front door, he realized that he had not been in the house since before Lorelai had moved. When he walked in, he saw the house was big and empty, bereft of any sign that she had been there. The emptiness threatened to overtake him and he sat on the stairs for a moment to take it all in. The sight of her space so empty seemed unreal and wrong.

April had heard someone come in the house and walked out of Rory's room, which she had been exploring, to look for the footsteps she had heard. When she saw Luke sitting there on the stairs, she went over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Does this make you sad?" she asked him.

He nodded in response and for the second time in less than ten minutes Luke got another hug from another essential female in his life. He was surprised by April's embrace, but he returned it and smiled at her when she sat down beside him. "Yeah, I'm a little sad about this. How about you?"

"I'm just surprised, that's all. I feel like I have missed out on so much. Why didn't you tell me about this? Why didn't you share this with me?"

"I have reasons, but they're not very good. Many of them are like your mother's in that I want to protect you, but, at the same time, I am also a bit ashamed of how I have behaved toward Lorelai these last few months. I can't help feeling responsible for this." He looked around again. "I helped make this house our home and then contributed to its undoing as well."

"You can fix this, Luke. That is, if you want to. Either way, you've still got me."

"Thanks, kiddo. I appreciate that."

Silence fell between them for a moment as Luke fidgeted with his cell phone.

"I'm going to call your mother, April, and tell her where you are."

"Oh," April cowed next to him, understanding what would accompany her mother's arrival in Stars Hollow.

"I'm going to ask her to meet me at the diner and then Rory will drop you off there and you, me, and your mother are going to talk about what we can do to fix our situation."

"Really?" April brightened a bit at this news.

"I think it's time that the three of us discussed what we need to do to make this permanent. I'm going to ask her for visitation rights and you need to tell her what you told me earlier, about why you ran away. She needs to know how you feel. She needs to listen to both of us."

"OK."

"It is going to take you and me working together to get this sorted out with your mother. Can I trust you to be honest with her and me and not run away again?"

"Yes, I believe so, Luke."

"All right." He stood up. Rory came into the house at that moment and both he and April looked at the younger Gilmore. "I want you to stay here with Rory while I wait for your mother. I expect that when I call Rory in a little while, you will still be here."

"Yes, Luke. I promise to still be here. How could I not? Have you seen the books in Rory's room?"

Luke smiled and walked out of the house. Rory sat down next to April, wrapping an arm around April's shoulders and giving her a squeeze. "What shall we do while we wait?"

** center b /b /center **

Lorelai laid in bed on a Saturday afternoon, finding it hard to believe that she was lying in bed when she could have been out shopping or running errands, i _anything /i _but this. The baby, however, had other ideas about the day. So there she lay in bed, resting and hoping that she would have enough energy to spend her evening out with Rory.

When the doorbell rang, her heart leapt at the notion that it could be Luke. She shook her head at the thought; for some reason, she could not get over the fantasy of him standing there on her doorstep. She never pictured him with flowers or dressed ready to sweep her away. She imagined him as he was, clad in flannel and there, always there.

Instead it was Christopher on the other side of the door. He had flowers. He was wearing a suit, smiling. She looked around him to see if he had a white horse or a carriage behind him. He looked at her strangely.

"Hi, Lor."

"What are you doing here?"

Christopher looked hurt at her cold response to his presence. "Actually, I came here because I wanted to ask you something. Can I come in?"

"No."

Christopher looked a little flabbergasted and uncertain. "OK." He tried to hand her the flowers, but she held her hand out to refuse them.

"Chris, look—" Lorelai closed her eyes, resting a hand on her forehead. She felt a headache coming on now.

Suddenly, Christopher was down on one knee. On her front stoop. Lorelai looked around to see if anyone was watching them. She bet it looked awfully romantic from afar. From her perspective, the whole moment was mortifying.

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore…"

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to propose to you."

"Christopher—"

"Please let me continue. Will you—"

"No."

"I'm not done!"

"Get up." Lorelai tugged on his suit. "Get up. This is ridiculous."

"How is this ridiculous? What is your problem?"

"Why are you doing this? Why is this something that you felt like you should do?"

"Well," Christopher gestured toward Lorelai's midsection. "You're pregnant."

"What?" Lorelai gasped. "How did you know?"

"I saw the crib the last time I was here."

"So?"

"Well, I connected the dots from there. It is mine, isn't it?"

Lorelai wished for something to throw at him. Instead, she tried to kick him, but missed. Christopher got up off his knee and backed away from her.

"Well, isn't it?"

Lorelai flattened her shirt over her stomach to reveal the contour of her belly. "Look at me. Look at how big I am. Do you think that this could have come from that night?"

"Well, it could have. Women develop differently."

"Oh, please, Christopher. You are not dumb. You know how big Sherry was as she got further along in her pregnancy. Granted, the woman was tinier than I am, but nevertheless, I'm sure you're familiar with the relative size of a pregnant woman's stomach at any one point in her pregnancy."

"So it's not mine?"

"For the love of God, man, no. It's Luke's. Count back. How many weeks has it been since I appeared on your doorstep? Now look at me. I was probably six weeks pregnant when I came over to see you, but just didn't know it."

"Oh. Regardless, my offer still stands."

"Why do you want to marry me?"

"Because I love you. I want to be with you."

"Even though I would be having another man's child?"

"Well, it would be like my child because I would take of care it."

"What about Luke?"

"Luke could visit his child and spend time with it."

"Oh, how gracious of you. What about Gigi?"

"She needs you, Lor. She needs a mom and hers is halfway around the world. You did such a great job with Rory; I would love you to do the same with Gigi."

"I can't believe this, Chris. What is wrong with you?"

"Why are you giving me such a hard time? I thought you would be happy about me proposing to you. I thought this might be something you wanted."

"Why? Because I'm knocked up and single? Do you not remember that I was engaged the night I went over to your place? That you and I have not been romantically involved in several years, most notably, because, I might add, you got your girlfriend pregnant."

"You told me it was over with Luke. You said that you guys weren't getting married."

"So? I came to see you because I needed a friend. I needed someone to talk to. Instead I somehow end up in your bed, naked. What happened, Chris? Was my red, puffy face and utter depression sexy to you? You just could not keep your hands off me. I'm sure you said to yourself, 'Hey, she's single now. Maybe I should make a move.'"

"Hey now, it took two to tango. You could have stopped it at anytime. You can't lay the blame all on me."

"You're right, I can't. However, I can ask why you did it. How you could possibly fall into bed with a woman who had just broken up with her fiancé and was obviously upset?"

"Lorelai, I love you. I don't care about him. I just was so happy that you were there and that I might have another chance with you."

"Is that why you thought I was there? To start afresh with you? Christopher, are you out of your mind? Did the fact that I was engaged to another man, that I had chosen another man over you, repeatedly, ever occur to you? Was that not at least somewhat of a hint about how I felt about you?"

Christopher rubbed his forehead and grimaced. "So what you are saying?"

"Do you think you're going to fix this with a Tiffany's box and a smile?" Lorelai asked. "Do you think that all of my problems and yours are going to go away when you asked me to marry you and then hand me a little blue box of bling? Is this the happily-ever-after you wanted for you and Gigi? To sleep with and then marry a woman who is not in love with you and then expect that everything will be hunky-dory afterwards?"

"What I am thinking is that I see a beautiful woman in front of me, one that I have loved for a very long time. We had a child together. We have had this special friendship over the years and now I want to take that to the next level, regardless of the circumstances." He took Lorelai's hands. "You are my one, Lor."

** center b Worn me down like a road.  
I did everything you told. /b /center **

Lorelai swiped his hands away and threw hers up in the air. "Don't touch me." She crossed her arms, resting them on the baby bump. They both stood there silent for a moment.

"What do you say, Lorelai?"

** center b Worn me down to my knees.  
I did everything to please you. /b /center **

"What do I say? Have you not been listening? I say 'No thank you.' I say, thanks for the memories. It's been great so far, but I think it's time to say 'Good night, Gracie.'" Lorelai opened her front door and walked in to her home. Christopher tried to follow her, but, again, got a faceful of door.

"Lorelai, can I come in?" Christopher asked, rubbing his nose.

"Hmmmm…let me think about that." Pause. "No."

"Come on, Lor."

"Put that ridiculous blue box away first." Lorelai had never wished more for a storm door than right now. A storm door would allow her to talk to Chris without actually having him come in the house. Now she either had to talk to him inside or out, and, frankly, her pregnant body was saying 'in.'

"OK. The box has been put away."

Lorelai opened the front door and let him in. Paul Anka rose up on his haunches and eyed Christopher warily. She sat down on her sofa and shot him a look when he tried to sit next to her. He chose, instead, one of the chairs across from the sofa. His elbows rested on the chair arms; he looked in a forward position like he was ready to have a serious discussion. Lorelai tried unsuccessfully to cross her legs, but found that the bump was starting to impede that.

"Well?" Christopher asked impatiently after a few minutes.

"Well what?"

"Dammit, Lorelai. Now what? Are we going to continue this discussion or not?"

"What discussion? The one that began with you proposing to me? I'm not continuing down that road, thank you."

"Why not? Why won't you even consider it?"

"Because it's not going to happen. Whatever fantasy you built in your mind of us will not happen."

"You would rather be single and raise this child alone than have the comfort and stability I am offering you?"

"Yes, I would. It's not comfort and stability you're offering, Chris. It's your life and you want someone to live it for you. You keep saying how you want me to raise Gigi. What about you? Why are you not enough? Why can you not rise up to the challenge? Why not do what you need to do in this situation and be a parent?"

"What if I am not enough? That is why I keep telling you that Gigi needs you."

"Gigi is not my child. She is yours and Sherry's. She is your responsibility. I am tired of bolstering your ego when it comes to raising that kid. You don't need me to tell you continually that you are doing a good job. All of the reassurances I have given you about your parenting abilities do not seem to be sticking. You don't need me to give you constant reassurance, Chris. You need to have some faith in yourself instead."

"But this isn't just about Gigi. It's about how much I love you, Lor."

"Really? Let's recount our relationship over the years, shall we? We start dating at fourteen. By sixteen, we're pregnant and unmarried. I leave Hartford and venture off to Stars Hollow to make a life with our child while you graduate from high school and proceed to spend next decade or so gallivanting around the country, living it up while I'm struggling to make a life for Rory and me. Then you start occasionally popping in. One memorable time, you tried to buy your daughter some books when your credit card conveniently is refused. On that same visit, you try to propose to me and I wisely tell you how ridiculous you are. About a year later, you reemerge a new man with a new car and a new job and suddenly I allow myself to think about the poetic possibilities inherent in becoming involved with my baby's daddy. However, a slight problem arises – you get your almost-ex-girlfriend pregnant and—boom—now neither Rory nor I have any chance of a life with you because now you have another kid, one you couldn't possibly deny your presence to unlike your first child. How am I doing here?"

** center b But you can't stop thinking about him.  
No, you can't stop thinking about him. /b /center **

His silence and increasingly defeated looking demeanor prompted her to go on. She softened her tone a bit, realizing that she was probably being meaner than she needed to be. "Look, it's not that I don't care about you. I do. You gave me Rory and, for that, I am forever grateful. But we don't have the best history together, Chris, and you have to know that everything that has happened between us is not because it was never the right moment for us. It's all happened this way because we are not the right ones for each other."

"If I had not gotten pregnant, then you and I would have dated a little longer, maybe through the rest of college. Then we would have both gone off to college and we would not have seen each other anymore after that. You would have gone to Princeton and I might have gone to Smith or Yale or Wellesley. We would have moved on because we were growing up. It didn't happen that way, yet the result still needs to be the same. Each time that one of us has tried to become involved with the other, it has not worked out. You helped break Luke and I up last year by listening to my mother, which prompted me to cut you off for several months. I tried to help you with Gigi and apparently left the impression that the potential for something more was still there."

"I should not have gone to you that night. I should have just gone home and waited for Luke. I should not have called you about needing a date for Lane's wedding and expected you to bail me out of that situation and to care for me when I got drunk. I always lean on you when I am having problems, but, when things are going right, you are not the person I want there with me. That is not fair to you and I apologize for it. I assure you that, after today, you will not have to worry about me anymore. You are Rory's dad and I will always be friendly with you, but I cannot be your friend anymore. I cannot give you what you are asking from me. I just can't. I'm sorry."

** center b But you can't stop thinking about him.  
No, you can't stop thinking about him. /b /center **

She watched him stand up. He put the flowers down on her coffee table and walked silently out of her townhouse. She heard his car start up and then pull away from her curb. Lorelai let out a breath that she did not know she had been holding and then climbed the stairs to her room. She laid down to nap and wait for her evening with her first-born child.

** center b /b /center **

Luke tried to remember the last time he felt this good, but found it difficult to conjure up that memory. He wiped the diner down, actually whistling as he worked, listening to Caesar's secret radio as he continued the closing routine. April's foray to Stars Hollow earlier in the week had actually become a good thing despite the fact that she had scared Anna to death. The three of them spent that evening and then the next night working out a deal about visitation. Anna saw that fighting both Luke and April was a losing battle and agreed to go with Luke to see a lawyer about solidifying his legal status as her father and working out a joint custody agreement. Anna later confessed to him that she was relieved that they had this decided because now she felt better about April being taken care of if something were ever to happen to her. Not only did Luke get visitation with April, but he and Anna agreed to use the support payments had been giving her as a college fund for April instead. Now he felt like he really was a part of April's life. Luke wiped down the last table and then walked to the back of the diner to grab the mop and bucket, away from the front for only a moment.

The ringing of the diner's bell surprised him. It was Saturday night, usually a quiet night for him. He tended not to have customers late on weekends, which cleared some time for him to watch a game on television. When he emerged from the back with the mop and bucket in hand, he saw that it was Christopher Hayden that had entered his diner.

His first instinct was to throw the man out. Christopher had been nothing but trouble for him, Lorelai, and Rory. Luke imagined grabbing him by his shoulders and shoving him out on to the pavement. Physically harming the guy would have given Luke more pleasure than anything else at that moment.

Christopher reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a sky blue box wrapped with white ribbon. "I tried to propose to Lorelai tonight. I went over there and did the best I could to talk her into marrying me."

Luke stood silent, wondering where this was going.

"She didn't even look at the ring. I spent all day at Tiffany's looking for the right ring. I planned the whole thing. I had flowers, the ring, and came dressed in my favorite suit. I was going to ask her and she would say yes and then we would go to dinner and talk about living arrangements and wedding plans."

Christopher tucked the ring box back into his suit jacket. "But it's not going to happen, you see. She doesn't love me. I have loved her for as long as I can remember. I was convinced that she was my one; all I had to do was wait for the right moment. Here it was, that moment. She is finally single and she needs someone. I convinced myself that I was the guy to give her what she needed. I could offer her stability and comfort. I wanted her to be the mother to my child."

Christopher looked directly at Luke. "You have won, my man. She loves you more than anything. She loves you so much that she is willing to be single the rest of her life and raise your child alone because she thinks that there will never be any other man for her. She knows that she screwed up your relationship and she is willing to live with that for the rest of her life. For her, being alone is the least that she could do after all that she has done to you."

Christopher laughed bitterly. "See, the funny thing is, she didn't do anything. Not with me at least. She shows up at my front door, hysterical. I invite her in, listen to her talk, and try to calm her down. We down shots of tequila together, but she throws up after a couple of those. Miraculously, she makes it to the bathroom before she gets it all over her clothes, but, after that, she passes out on my sofa. So I take her clothes off so that she won't soil them if she were to vomit again."

"But she told me she woke up naked in your bed the next morning," Luke pipes up for the first time.

"Yeah, well, here's the part where I don't look so good. Here is the indication that I don't do manipulation very well. I took those off of her. I wanted her to wake up naked and think that she had done something so that perhaps she would stay with me, that she would realize that she cared about me. Not my proudest moment, I will admit."

Luke clenched his fists. "Have you told her all of this?"

"No, I haven't again. Again, not my proudest moment. When I left her place earlier, she told me that she could not be my friend anymore. I am sorry to say that I left there without saying a word or revealing to her the truth about what happened that night. Call me spiteful, but she has already broken my heart. I really did not need to hear her lay into me about this."

"Oh, poor you." Luke's words dripped with sarcasm.

"Yeah, well, I will tell her, don't worry. In the meantime, I have one more thing to say to you before you throw me out of here. You better marry that woman. You are her life. She is having your child and she loves you more than anything. So much so that she is still punishing herself for losing you and probably will for years to come if you don't do something about it." Christopher turned and reached for the door. "If you don't marry her, Luke, you are an even bigger fool than I am."

Before Christopher could go, Luke held the door closed and stood face to face with him. "If I ever see or hear of you bothering or harassing Lorelai or Rory again, I will make pound you until there is nothing left. Since you are Rory's father, I will leave it up to her what sort of relationship the two of you have, but I have a pretty good idea of what Lorelai told you tonight. You have caused nothing but trouble for her and for me. I have no qualms with doing everything I can to see to it that you never see or speak to her or me again. Is that clear?"

Christopher could see the steely determination in Luke's eyes. It was obvious to him that Luke and Lorelai shared a bond that he would never be able to penetrate. He took his defeat at hers and his hands in stride, nodding his assent.

With that he was gone. Luke sat down on one of the stools and looked at the spot where Christopher had stood. So Lorelai didn't sleep with Christopher; he had just made it look like she had. All of this heartache and turmoil over something that didn't actually happen. Lorelai was still punishing herself over how she had responded to the situation. He needed to fix that, dammit. He loved her.

** center b The first time you looked  
At her curves you were hooked /b /center **

They could work things out, especially now that he knew the truth about what happened. Sure, she could have chosen to go somewhere else, but the fact that she had gone to Christopher and had not fallen into bed with him, that she had refused all of his advantages, made Luke realize that all they needed was to talk rather than fall back into old habits, the independence at the cost of a relationship, the internalizing of everything.

** center b She just might get you lost  
And she just might leave you torn  
But she just might save your soul  
If she gets you and she, gets you any closer /b /center **

She broke one old habit tonight, turning Christopher away for good. Perhaps he could break an old habit too; he could pledge to let her in more and to allow himself to depend on her. Now that the situation with April was settled, he could look ahead and see that her was no longer inert. He had forward momentum and now it was carrying him back to her.

"I have to do something. Somehow I have to get her attention. I need to do something nice for her." He began to pace around the diner. Then he reached for the sonogram pictures, mostly out of habit. That was when it hit him. He would throw her a baby shower. He would invite the whole town and they would all surprise her. It could be in the town square. He would set up a throne and have her sit in it all night. There would be dancing and food and gifts. She would love that. So would he.

** center b She just might get you lost  
And she just might leave you torn  
But she just might save your soul  
If she gets you any closer /b /center **

Luke reached for his cell phone and scrolled through the numbers in his phone book. Thankfully, he had saved Rory's cell number in case of emergency. Though it was after ten on a Saturday night, he called her anyway. When she answered, he said, "Don't let your mother know that I called you."

"Hold on a moment." Rory got up off the couch and motioned that she was going to go in the other room. She mouthed 'Logan' to explain why she wanted privacy. She slid the baby's room door behind her and said, "OK, I'm alone. Go ahead."

"I want to do something for your mother."

Rory was surprised by this, but happy to hear it. "OK. What would you like to do?"

"I want to surprise her with a baby shower. We could have it in the town square here. We would set up a throne for her to sit in, and all of her favorite foods and dancing and lots of gifts. What do you think?"

"Wow, Luke." Rory found herself getting choked up. "I think that sounds great."

Luke could hear her getting emotional, but continued on, lest he get emotional too. "I'm going to call Sookie, Miss Patty, and Babette tomorrow and get this going. Will you help?"

"Of course, in any way that I can. You can count me in."

"Thanks, Rory."

"No, thank you, Luke. I can't tell you how much this means to me and how much more it will mean to Mom."

"Don't worry, Rory. Everything is going to be much different from now on." With that, he pressed the end button, slid the phone in his pocket, and began to mop, details of the baby shower whirling in his mind as he swiped the floor. He was so excited to be doing something for Lorelai and for his child.

** center b Can you believe your eyes/b /center **

Luke Danes had not smiled this much in a very long time.


	8. Chapter 8

center b Chapter 8 /b /center 

Friday Night Dinners. A certainty that Lorelai wished was not so assured in its existence.

Her parents were now back from their trip to Europe. She had begged off the last couple of Friday night dinners since they had returned, sending Rory in her stead. Her parents were still miraculously sympathetic about the breakup and move, but still did not know about her pregnancy. She hoped that Rory would take care of that, but each time she asked her daughter, Rory just shook her head in silence.

"You have to do that. It's not my job," Rory would say. Lorelai would pout, but no amount of pouting or pleading from her would change her daughter's mind.

As she stood at the front door, she hoped that Rory remembered to be the one to greet her, as they had arranged beforehand. She really did not want her parents to see her burgeoning belly before she was ready to break the news to them. She dressed loosely this evening, trying to do her best to obscure the bump. She pressed the doorbell and heard light footsteps approaching the door. Sure enough, Rory opened the door as planned.

"Come in, come in, they're in Grandpa's office. Apparently they have a gift for you, but they haven't brought it out yet. Hurry up and sit." Rory shooed Lorelai into the living room and then sat down next to her mother on the sofa. Lorelai grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it, keeping in front of her as more camouflage. The elder Gilmores came into the room finally, chattering excitedly. "Oh, Lorelai, we are so glad you are here," her mother said.

"Yes, how are you doing, Lorelai?" her father asked.

"Hi, Mom, Dad. I'm fine. I'm sorry I've missed the last couple of weeks. I am doing much better now."

"Well, we know that it has been rough for you these last couple of months while we were gone. We thought it best to have you rejoin us when you were ready." Richard walked over to the bar. "Now what would everyone like to drink this evening? Lorelai, dirty martini?"

"Uh, no, Dad, I would prefer a club soda, actually."

Her mother looked surprised at her request. "Really? Are you feeling OK?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine, Mom." Lorelai said, smiling stiffly. Rory nudged her and shot her a look that said _'Liar.'_ Lorelai responded with a knowing look as her father continued taking drink orders.

"Lorelai, we brought back the most wonderful gift for you. It is something we thought you might put in the Inn. Richard, are we ready to unveil our gift?" When her father nodded, her mother started to get up, but Lorelai decided that perhaps she should share her news first. Perhaps the gift would be a nice distraction after the conversation that was coming.

"Actually, Mom, I have something that I want to tell you and Dad before you give me this gift." Emily sat back down, staring at her daughter with cool composure. Her father sat down next to her on the sofa, sharing that same look. They knew nothing good could come of something that started with this preface.

"Go ahead, Lorelai."

"Well—" she took a sip of her club soda, buying a second to steel herself. "While you both were vacationing in Europe, Luke and I broke our engagement, as you know. I also sold our house in Stars Hollow and moved to a townhouse in Litchfield—"

"Which I'm still waiting for an invitation to visit—" Emily interrupted.

"I assure you, Mom, you are both welcome to visit me anytime. As I was saying, you both already know those two pieces of news, but I have one more to share with you." Lorelai looked at Rory, who squeezed her hand in support and encouragement. Lorelai's eyes filled with tears. i _I wanted Luke to be here when we did this. I wanted this to be a happy occasion, not an uncertain one. /i _ "I'm pregnant."

"You're what?" Emily gasped.

"I'm pregnant." Lorelai moved forward, setting her drink down and smoothing her clothes over her stomach to reveal the growing stomach. "I'm actually about eighteen weeks along."

Emily and Richard smiled for a second, but then their smiles faded when they remembered that their daughter was no longer getting married. "Am I correct in presuming that this child is Luke's?" her father asked.

"Yes, you are. I did not find out about this until after we separated. This is part of why I wanted to move away from Stars Hollow. I wanted a fresh start for me and for this child."

"What about Luke?" her mother asked.

"We're still working things out. He has another child of his own and it is taking him time to figure out how this fits in with that."

"I hope it fits in enough where he will be a part of his or her life like he should be." Richard said.

"He will be, Dad, don't worry," Lorelai said softly. "Our problems as a couple have nothing to do with this child. I am sure that whatever arrangement we work out will maximize his contact with this child. I will see to that."

"What about Christopher?" Emily asked.

Lorelai froze. i _Did they know? Did Rory fill them in? /i _"What about Christopher?"

"Now that you and Luke are no longer together, are you going to be with Christopher?"

"No, Mom, for a number of reasons, he is the last person that I should be with right now. I want to be with Luke, but that relationship may never happen again so I am prepared to raise this child alone."

"Alone?" Emily raised an eyebrow at this, twenty-one years of history behind that single word.

"Not totally alone. I have Rory and you guys and friends and Luke, but, yes, I will be single. I can't see myself ever finding someone that would take his place."

"Well, you don't have to find someone to replace him, but you could find someone to fulfill your needs. Perhaps someone who already has a child. Someone like Christopher."

Lorelai finished her club soda and set down the glass as emphatically as she could without damaging her parents' furniture. "So, how about that gift?" she asked sharply.

But Emily persisted. "I mean, come on, Lorelai. After all, if you can't work it out with Luke, why can't you turn to a friend like Christopher? You two have always gotten on well. He has his daughter and you will have this child and you two can be companions to each other and cooperate in child-rearing. I don't see why you would not consider this somewhat of an option for you and your child."

"Do you think that this will give him a chance to make up for not being there when Rory was growing up? He'll raise Luke's child for him because he was not here to raise his own?"

"It's not like you let him or anything."

"Please, just because I wouldn't marry him? How successful do you think that marriage would have been then? How about now? I'll marry him even though I am in love with another man, who, by the way, happens to be the father of this child. Does that sound like a good option to you?"

"Lorelai, I'm only saying this because I want my grandchild to have everything it needs."

"It will have everything it needs, including a family which consists of me, Rory, it, Luke, and you guys. We may not all live under the same roof, but it will be a family nevertheless."

"A child needs a mother and a father."

"It will have a mother i _and /i _a father, Mom."

"No, I mean, a mother and a father there, all of the time. Like you had."

"Rory didn't have that and she turned out just fine."

"Rory's special."

"So this child is not? Is that because it's Luke's and not Christopher's?"

"That's not what I am saying—"

"It certainly sounds like it is, i _Mom /i _—"

"All right. i _Enough /i _." Richard broke in, exasperated with his wife and daughter. "Rory, what do you have to say about all of this?"

Rory waved her hands. "I'm not the person to ask. This is Mom's life, not mine. She has to make the decisions here."

"But it's your sibling. You have a right to say something about this."

Rory looked at her mother, whose breathing was starting to slow down after the exchange with her grandmother. Lorelai's eyes were bright and potentially teary and Rory melted. She wished she could tell her mother about Luke's surprise. She wished she could tell her grandparents that everything could work out in a way that they had not yet anticipated. Instead, she laid a hand on Lorelai's and squeezed. "Mom knows what she is doing. All I can do is be there for her when she and the baby need me."

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, dinner is served." The maid came into the room just in time to end the conversation. Richard and Emily walked toward the dining room with Rory and Lorelai following. Rory's arm snaked around her mother's shoulders and gave her a hug. Then she touched her mother's belly, giving her little brother a reassuring pat. Lorelai smiled at her oldest daughter and kissed her on the top of her head.

** center b /b /center **

An hour later, Lorelai was in her father's study, admiring the vase that her parents had brought back with them from France. As her mother talked about its origins, Lorelai planned where in the Inn she could put it.

"Do you mind if it goes in the lobby? We'll put it in a place where children won't have access to it and guests won't be able to knock it over."

"I think that sounds lovely. The lobby would be great or your library even. It would go well with the décor in there."

"Hmm, maybe so. I'll let Sookie and Michel look at it and we'll work out a location for it." Lorelai smiled at her mother. "Thank you, Mom. This is a very nice gift. I'm glad you and Dad enjoyed your trip to Europe."

Emily sat down on the small sofa and looked down at her hands for a moment. Lorelai sat down next to her with a look of concern. "What's wrong, Mom?"

"Oh, Lorelai, can't you see yourself here? You are pregnant and single again. Granted, you're not sixteen, but still. I can't believe that you're not the least bit concerned about how your life will play out from here."

"I'm really not that worried. The pregnancy is going really well; because of my age, my doctor is keeping close tabs on me. Everything at the Inn is well. I have a nice new home. Rory is safe in New Haven and will be finishing Yale this year. I'm good."

"What about Luke? What is happening with him?"

Lorelai hesitated. She still could not bring herself to reveal the impetus behind hers and Luke's break. But she knew that Christopher was going to come up eventually. She would have to tell her mother about him proposing to her. She would have to tell her that she told him no, despite all of the sense marrying Christopher would make to her mother. "Luke and I are on speaking terms now and trying to work out what we're going to do next."

"Do you think that you two will ever get back together?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Mom, what happened between the two of us is complicated. I'm not sure that we will ever be in a relationship again. We might be friends eventually, but, for right now, I'm happy that we're speaking again."

"What happened, Lorelai?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, Mom. It's been a rough couple of months."

Emily Gilmore was never one to be her daughter's confidante. She wanted to understand this, though. She had finally come to terms with her daughter marrying Luke. They had accepted him, even offering to buy them a house because they saw that the two of them were permanent. What Emily saw in them so many years before that, the looks, the way they talked, had come to fruition. They had not cared for Luke before, his blue collar life not meshing with their blue blood expectations. But they saw the way that Rory talked about her future stepfather and they saw how happy Lorelai was with him and finally they accepted that this was the life that she would be leading. Even if it were not what they had imagined for her, it was something. And now it was not and Emily wanted to know why. "Lorelai, please. I'm your mother. Tell me."

"Mom, I really don't want to get into it now. It makes me sad to think about it. I am still a bit heartbroken and sometimes I just can't talk about it. I appreciate it your concern, though."

"Did Christopher check up on you while we were gone?"

She was quiet for a moment. His name saddened her. She hated having to think about him, knowing how much she hurt him. But she had to hurt him in order to break their vicious cycle. He was never going to move on, which meant she might not move on either and she couldn't take it. She was tired of being sucked into the same tumult every time he was around. "Yeah, he called a couple of times."

"Did you tell him about the pregnancy?"

"Well, no, not exactly. He figured it out on his own when he came over to visit once. He saw the crib in the baby's room."

"Did you both talk about what would happen next?"

"No, Mom. Frankly, I thought it was none of his business. It's not his kid so it's not his responsibility."

"But don't you think that he could help you. The two of you could make a life together; you both have young children that need both parents. Christopher could be a partner in helping you raise this child."

"What about Luke?"

"Certainly Luke would be involved, but, since you're no longer together, he can't be there every day, helping you with the little things like diapers or meals or doctor visits."

"I can handle that all by myself. I did it with Rory."

"But you don't have to if you don't want to. You and Christopher obviously share some sort of bond. He could be your companion in all of this."

"But I don't love him, Mom. I don't want to be with someone that I don't love."

"What does love have to do with it? I'm talking about practicality here, Lorelai. You have to be sensible about these things; you have a child on the way. Don't you want to take care of this child? Don't you want to provide for him?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why not do that with Christopher? You could help him with Gigi and he could help you with this child. You could combine your resources and provide a home for both of them. You would have a stable relationship to fall back on in when times become rough."

"I really don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Lorelai, please, be sensible. Just because you don't want to talk about this anymore doesn't mean that this issue will go away."

"What do you want from me, Mom?"

"I want you to think about this, Lorelai, really think about it. It's too late for Rory to have her father around. This child, though, has a chance for a normal life. You can give him that. He can have a mother and a father. He can be raised in a home where he sees both parents every day. He won't have the uncertainty and questions about why his father does not live with you or if his father cares about him at all. All of the emotional turmoil you and Rory experienced because of Christopher over the years does not need to happen with this child."

"Why all of this talk about Christopher, Mom? Do you think that he can make up for what happened with Rory by helping me out with this kid?"

"Well, he would have helped you with Rory if you had let him. The two of you could have gotten married and then you would have been in this mess."

Lorelai threw up her hands. "Oh, my God!"

"Look, you may not like it, but that is the truth. You now have a chance to be together. You both obviously wanted to be together over the years. Why not now?"

"Mom, if you called him to try to get us back together since Luke and I had broken up, I will leave right now and never come back."

Emily's jaw dropped. She had done questionable things in the past, but this was one moment that she had acted out of genuine concern. She was surprised at Lorelai's suspicion, but then she guessed that she should not have been. "Lorelai, how could you accuse me of such a thing?"

"Come on, Mom, you have been known to do such things in the past. Hello, the vow renewal. Christopher tells me and Luke that you said that he had a chance with me, which then lead to Luke and I breaking up the first time. Don't tell me that you are surprised about my being suspicious."

"Well, I was only looking out for you. You seemed so sad at the realtor's office and then acted so bizarrely at dinner that night with Christopher and Lynnie. I thought you might be having a nervous breakdown or something."

"No, I didn't have one right then."

"Are you saying that you had one later?"

"No," Lorelai fidgeted with her clothes, trying to decide how much to reveal. "I did have a momentary lapse of judgment, though, one which exacerbated the situation with Luke."

"After dinner that night, I talked to Lynnie for awhile. I talked about Luke and April and everything that was going on with that. I realized that I was tired of letting Luke run things. I was tired of waiting for him to decide that we were ready to get married. I felt like I was losing him and I needed him to show me that I wasn't. So I gave him an ultimatum. Either we got married that night or we were not going to get married at all."

"I'm sure that Luke was not happy about that."

"You're right; he wasn't. We argued. I walked away. I felt so alone at that moment. Everything that I had been feeling that day when we were in the realtor's office and I told you that it wasn't going to happen was magnified a hundred times. I was sad, lonely, uncertain, and scared. I needed someone to talk to right then."

"Did you call Rory?"

Lorelai laughed, a tinge of bitterness in it. "No, she and Logan were spending their last night together before he went off to London. And Sookie has Jackson and the kids and I had imposed on them enough. So I drove to Boston and sought reassurance from the one person I knew would want me: Christopher."

Emily drew in a breath. Somehow she knew where this was going. "You spent the night with him?"

"Yep." Lorelai wiped away tears which had started to trickle down her cheeks. "I did it. I broke mine and Luke's relationship by setting foot in that apartment. I woke up the next morning and I could not remember what had happened or how I had gotten there. I knew that I had done something that I could not take back and I had never hated myself more than I did at that moment. I sabotaged mine and Luke's relationship because I was mad at him for rejecting me. He never said no to eloping; he just said not right then. I took it as something else and did what I did."

Emily laid a hand on Lorelai's. "So my asking Christopher to keep an eye on you was not the best idea."

"Oh, Mom, you had no idea. You and Dad did not need to know how badly I had screwed things up. It wasn't Christopher's fault although he had played his part in this drama." Lorelai wiped tears from the corners of her eyes. "He proposed, you know."

"What?"

"Yep, he took your request and my breakup with Luke as some sort of impetus to go mad on me. He kept talking about how we belonged together, how Gigi needed a mother. He talked about raising Luke's child as his own and about how he had always loved me. I had to let him go, Mom. He was not moving on because of me and I was never going to move on either if he kept popping into my life like that."

"So you two are not meant to be like we had all hoped?"

"I'm sorry, Mom. If Rory had not come along, our relationship would have been different. We would have dated, but then we would have grown up and probably apart. We probably would not have been together past high school. Rory's presence changed that. We did not have the chance to be together and explore. We were stuck in that same pattern of separation and reconciliation, but never true reconciliation or compromise. It was never going to happen so I had to turn him down. I could not accept his proposal because I did not love him. I'm not sure if he knows if he loved me or not. I think it was just habit." Lorelai sniffed and smiled at her mother. "I told him all of this and that I wanted us to be friendly, but not friends. I told him that I would not stop him from being a father to Rory, but that they had to figure that out for themselves. I told him goodbye and he walked out of my home without a word. I haven't spoken to or heard from him since."

Lorelai could not believe that she had told her mother all of this. She had never been able to pour her heart out to her mother before, but, ever since that moment in the realtor's office, when her mother put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her after Lorelai's confession of doubt, she had felt more able to be honest with her mother about what was going on. Their silence became awkward as both women looked at their hands. "Thank you for the vase, Mom. It is beautiful."

"You're welcome. I am glad that you like it. I think it might be time for dessert." Emily rose and Lorelai began to get up (albeit with a bit of difficulty) so that they could rejoin Rory and Richard in the dining room.

"I do love it. I think it will look great in the Inn. I'm sure Michel will love it because it is French." Lorelai touched the vase again, feeling its smooth lines and cool texture. She felt her mother's hand on her shoulder.

"Lorelai, thank you for being honest about what is going on with you and Luke and Christopher. I know that I have never been one you could open up to, but I appreciate knowing what is happening in your life, especially now that you have another child on the way. Your father and I want to be involved in its life and we hope that you feel the same."

"Of course, Mom. A child needs his grandparents."

"Is it a boy?"

"I don't know that for sure yet," she smiled at her belly, hands caressing her baby's home. "But I have a feeling that it's a boy."

"Oh, your father would be so thrilled to have a grandson." Emily said, walking ahead of Lorelai into the dining room, announcing to Rory and Richard about Lorelai's speculation about the baby's sex. Her father lit up at the news and started talking about all of the things he could do with a grandson.

Lorelai ate her dessert quietly, listening to her family chatter about the baby and Rory's senior year at Yale and the elder Gilmores' trip to Europe. For once, there was peace in the Gilmore family. At that thought, Lorelai began to feel like life was finally looking up.

center b ** /b /center **

"All right, MomFred, one strawberry smoothie for you and one Irish coffee for me." Rory handed her mother a tall plastic cup filled to the brim with the smoothie she had just blended and then sat down with her own hot drink, propping her feet up on the coffee table as they sat and watched television after returning home from Friday Night Dinner.

"MomFred?" Lorelai looked at her daughter strangely as she took a sip of her smoothie.

"Well, we've been calling the baby Fred for a couple of weeks now and you're Mom so I combined it to be MomFred. You're both occupying the same space so I thought combining the names would be both convenient and amusing."

"And a little bizarre. I'm not sure if I like that. I feel like I could be mistaken for a mediocre Martin Short movie."

"I'm not really sure that is possible considering the number of people who haven't seen that movie."

"Fair enough." Lorelai took another sip of her smoothie and then eyed Rory's drink. "So thanks for the smoothie."

"You're welcome." Rory smiled as she sipped her Irish coffee through the bright pink straw she had snagged from the kitchen.

"Thanks for also drinking that Irish coffee at the same time."

"Hey, it's not my problem that you can't have alcohol or drink coffee at this particular time."

Lorelai pouted a bit. "No offense, kiddo," she said, patting her stomach, "But Mommy can't wait to enjoy her coffee and adult beverages again."

"You might also want to mention the fabulous wardrobe that you can't wear right not and then fact that you are rapidly finding it difficult to see your feet."

Lorelai stared at Rory. "Why thank you, dear daughter, for those reminders."

"Well, it's true!" Rory smiled.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Lorelai began to stroke her belly, motions which were rapidly becoming habitual. She stared at the television, her eyes starting their usual droopiness that happened about this time of night. That was one of the few things that she lamented about pregnancy; the baby changed her schedule completely. He was an early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of person like his father, but she was not. Since she and the baby currently shared the same space, she had to get up and go to bed at his behest, rather than her own. She missed her night owl life.

Rory watched her mother's eyes start to droop. She wanted to talk to her tonight about what was going on between her and Luke. The baby shower was next week and she knew that she needed to have the same talk with Lorelai that she had had with Luke or the baby shower might not have the needed effect. She had heard her mother and grandmother talking about her dad during dinner, but after they both were alone in the study for a while, his name had disappeared from the conversation altogether. Rory knew that her mother and grandmother had exchanged words because she heard raised voices from the study when she was talking with her grandfather, but she didn't ask any questions while they were still with her grandparents. Now that she had her mother alone, it was time to talk.

Sipping Irish coffee out of the corner of her mouth, Rory watched her mother sit peacefully, the baby mound peeking out just enough for Lorelai to rest an arm on it. The conversation had lulled and Rory knew that she had to steal this moment. She started it off the only way that she knew how. With a blunt question. "Mom, what happened between you and Dad?"

Lorelai looked at Rory and shook her head. "Why?"

"I know that something went down. Grandma talked about him all through dinner and then the two of you go into the study and she mentioned him again, I'm sure. I heard raised voices from the study while Grandpa and I were talking. Were you two talking about him?"

Lorelai sighed. "Your grandmother spent the evening thinking that Christopher was the solution to my problems, not knowing, of course because we did not tell her, that he was part of the problem. She kept pushing the issue and I finally had to tell her about all of it."

"You told her about that night at Dad's?"

"Yep. I told her about that and about something else that happened between me and your father."

"What else happened?"

"He came by twice. The first time was right after you called me and warned me about him coming over; the second was a bit later. He showed up on my doorstep with a handful of flowers and a little blue Tiffany's box in hand."

Rory's jaw dropped. She knew that her father was up to no good when he called her asking about her mother, but she had no clue that her dad would pull a stunt like that. "What? He tried to propose?"

"Yes! He got down on one knee on the front porch and held the little box up to me. I was so mortified. I could not believe that he was serious."

"Why did he do that?"

"He saw the crib. He figured out that I was pregnant. He decided that it was time to make a move. I guess my going to him that night and then your grandmother's encouraging him to keep an eye on me set him off."

"What did you do?"

"What could I do? I said no. He insisted. He kept talking about Gigi and how she needed a mom and how he had always loved me. I guess the fact that I repeatedly chose someone else, most notably Luke, over him never entered your father's brain."

"So what did he say when you said no?"

"Nothing. He didn't say anything; he just left without saying a word after I told him everything. I explained to him why we could never be together. I told him that if you had never happened along, then we probably would have dated through high school and then gone off to college separately. We probably would have eventually grown apart and then moved on to other relationships. Because things happened the way they did, we always had a connection: you. He mistook that connection for love. He thought the friendship that we had was love. He thought the fact that we kept coming together at various times was a sign that we were meant to be. Sometimes I think he sabotaged his relationship with Sherry and gave up on it so quickly because he knew that I would be there to go back to. Since I have been unavailable to him, he's become desperate. Hence the proposal." Lorelai put both hands reassuringly on Rory's and looked her straight in the eye. "Now don't take what happens between me and your dad as a sign that you have to cut him off too. I want you to have the relationship you want to have with him, regardless of what happens between me and him. He and I may not be together or even friends, but we will be friendly and I will totally understand if you want to spend time with him."

"I know, Mom. We've been here before. I just don't know how much I can trust him. But I assure that is something that I will puzzle out with time and what has happened between you and Dad here recently will have no bearing on that unless I decide it needs to."

"Well, thank you, dear daughter. I am glad of it." Lorelai felt the baby shift in her belly. "Apparently, Fred is happy to hear that as well." She rubbed her stomach.

Rory watched her mother smile as her hand wound its way around her midsection. With her dad out of the way and that problem seemingly resolved, now was the time to ask about Luke. It had been nearly three months since everything had happened. Luke had apparently forgiven her mother for everything and she knew that Lorelai would love to be back with him. She just wasn't sure if her mother had quite forgiven herself for her part in all of this turmoil, for issuing an ultimatum, for going to Christopher for comfort instead of someone else. "Speaking of Fred, what's up with you and Luke?"

Lorelai fidgeted with her hands a bit. "I don't know. He had called me a couple of times asking for advice about April and Anna. We talked a little the day that I told him about the baby. We have not really had an in-depth conversation about anything in particular yet. I'm just glad that he is talking to me."

"What do you think is going to happen next?" Rory asked, arms crossed.

"I don't know. You heard about April running away, right?"

"Yeah, Luke came by the Dragonfly looking for her. I guess he found her."

Rory smiled nervously, hoping that her mother had not heard about her part in April's trip to Stars Hollow. "Yeah, I guess so. I went by the diner to see Lane that day and she said that he and Anna and April were upstairs so I assumed that he found her."

"Man, poor kid. She must be so overwhelmed by all of this. Luke is such a great dad, but Anna is making this situation more difficult. I wish that he would assert himself and take control of the situation. Anna should not be the only one making decisions about what happens to April." Lorelai stared ahead, deep in thought about Luke and Anna and April.

"Mom, what about you and Luke?"

"Rory, honey, what about us? Nothing has changed. I still messed up and we're still broken up. He has a life and a child and he's about to have another one. He will have all of the space he needs to become adjusted to these changes."

"Why? Because you're going to give it to him? Mom, did you ever think that maybe he wants you to help him with this? That he is going through as much as you are with this pregnancy?"

"Rory, I issued an ultimatum and when Luke didn't respond, I went off and sought comfort with your father. I woke up naked in his bed. Luke is better off without me, I assure you. He has enough turmoil in his life without me and my problems. I would not blame him if he never trusted me again."

Rory sighed and stared at her mother for a moment. "Mom, I don't like this. I don't like you blaming yourself. Luke is just as much at fault for your breakup as you are. You both made mistakes and you both can fix those mistakes if you would just talk."

Lorelai shook her head. "No, I pushed him too much. I was being selfish. I wanted everything to happen my way. I had no patience for the way he was handling things. Instead of respecting him, I tried to push him into doing what I wanted and it backfired on me. I should have known better."

"Mom, maybe the ultimatum was not the right thing to do, but Luke needed to talk to you. He needed to reassure you and he did not. He needed to depend on you and he did not. You needed to make him depend on you, but you did not and now you two are where you are. The two of you are so similar; neither of you have ever really had anyone to depend on. When Luke lost his mom, his dad depended on his help with the store and Liz. When his dad was gone, everyone depended on Luke to take care of the funeral arrangements and to figure out what to do with Liz. He had no one to depend on for so long. His sister took off as soon as she could. Rachel would pop in and out of his life. Nicole was never really in his life enough to become someone he could depend on. The only constant in his life was you and now you are gone. Who is left for him to depend on? Just himself and maybe that is not enough."

Rory watched her mother as she talked and she took Lorelai's silence as the cue to go on. "The same thing is true with you. You never really had enough to depend on. Grandma and Grandpa had all of these expectations for you. You could never depend on them for anything because they would remind you of what they expected of you rather than try to empathize. When you had me, you could not depend on them or Dad so you did everything yourself. You had always just depended on yourself, that is, until you met Luke. He became your constant. You knew that he would be there for you. When you started dating, this became even more evident. But then everything happened with me and then April. Suddenly, all that you thought you could depend on – me, Luke – was gone and you did not know how to get it all back. I am here now and you don't have to worry about me. We may not be together all of the time, but you can always depend on me. I know that it has not been so easy with Luke. If you had made him talk and he had let himself talk, perhaps all of this – " Rory gestured around the living room, indicating the new living situation, " – would not have happened. I don't know why you insist on only blaming yourself for all of this. I'm sure if you talked to Luke, he would admit his part in all of this."

Lorelai took a pillow and hugged it tightly to her chest, trying not to look at her daughter's insistent eyes. "It doesn't matter now. I want to have Luke in my life again. I miss him more than anything else. It is torturous going through this pregnancy without him. Even in the face of all of that, I can't pretend that getting back together is something that is possible. I don't know what he is thinking. I know that we should talk. I know that I should go over there and sit down with him and talk about the baby and what we are going to do. Rory, I know all of this, but it just makes me sad to think about the fact that once that talking is done, we're going to go our separate ways again. I don't want to be sad right now. I am excited about being pregnant again. I am enjoying the idea of being a mom again, although I know that doing it by myself will be hard. If I can just enjoy this a bit longer, then I can ask the hard questions of myself and of Luke."

"Why can you just depend on him to be there for both you and the baby? You're just going to give up on him? Maybe if you asked him, he would do everything that you need him to do. He could be there to hold your hand during birthing classes. He could help you set up the nursery and shop for baby things. He could help you find a more practical car. If you asked him, if you let yourself depend on him, then you would not have to do this all alone."

"I can't ask that of him, Rory. I have already asked so much of him. Life is asking for him to be a person he has never been before. Life is asking me to be the person that I have been already. I was everything for you, at least everything that I could be, and will do the same for this child. I can't ask Luke to be everything for me, not when he is trying to do the same for April."

Rory felt like she was losing this battle; her mother was going to have to be convinced of her place in Luke's life in some other way and she was not the right person to that, apparently. "I wish you would. He might surprise you. He might miss you just as much as you miss him."

Lorelai slumped down into the cushion of the sofa. "I'm tired and I do not wish to talk about this anymore. I appreciate you trying to help me, sweets. I know that care about me and Luke and just want what is best for both of us. Believe me when I say that I have thought about all of this. I wish things could be different. I wish that I knew of a way to fix it. I want him to be a part of our lives, yours, mine, and Fred's. But I have to prepare myself for the fact that this won't happen the way that I would like it to. It just won't."

Rory snuggled down next to her mother. "You should get up and get in your own bed. You might regret too much time spent on the sofa."

"Pffft. I'm starting the phase of pregnancy where you are comfortable wherever you land. The effort that it will take to get to my bed is outweighed by the comfort I feel here right now."

"Come on, I'll help you up and we can lie in bed and watch John Stewart." Rory stood up and offered her hands to her mom. Lorelai leaned forward and took Rory's hands in her own, using her daughter as leverage for getting to her feet. They walked arm in arm up the stairs and crawled into Lorelai's bed, content to be quiet for the rest of the evening.

center b ** /b /center **

In the diner convened a meeting of the Lorelai Gilmore Surprise Baby Shower planning committee. Babette, Patty, Sookie, and Rory all sat busily taking notes while Luke went over the plans thus far. "We have a throne lined up. Kirk has offered to DJ for a small fee. We now need to take care of tables and chairs."

Patty raised her pencil. "I have plenty of both. If we need more than that, I can guarantee access to the town's warehouse. The town owns plenty more if my stuff is not enough."

"Thanks, Patty."

"I also have lined up my first and second year students to do a couple of numbers as storks. They will all have little bills with a tiny baby bundle hooked onto the end. It all looks just so precious." Patty's announcement was followed by a chorus of "Awww" that made Luke impatient to continue. It was hard enough to coordinate this event, but to do it all with a bunch of women made him question what he had gotten himself into every time they digressed like this.

Over the din of chatter that had erupted after Patty's announcement, Luke tried to continue. "OK, next. Sookie, how is the food coming along?"

Sookie squealed. "Oh, I have the menu all planned out already. I have made a list of Lorelai's favorite foods and will have plenty of those on hand. I designed the cake, which will be a stack of blocks, each block a different kind of cake. Since we're expecting so many people, I will also have petit fours on hand so that everyone will have some sort of cake available to them. We will also have lots of coffee and tea and some leafy salads as well as pasta salad. I promise that this will be some of the best baby shower food you could have."

"Good. Rory, how is the entertainment going? And how are we going to get your mom there without letting her in on the surprise?"

"I've got a list of songs ready for Kirk and will supply him with the CDs that he doesn't have. Hep Alien have offered to play as well so we will have some numbers from them so everyone does not have to dance if they do not want to. I have coordinated the reveal with Sookie. I am going to pretend like I have gotten a flight to London to visit Logan so that I can be in Stars Hollow helping coordinate everything. Meanwhile, Sookie will invite Lorelai to take a walk with her through the town square, using the fact that the new decorations will be up by that time as an excuse to get her out."

"Great. Thanks, Rory. How about you, Babette? How are the invitations coming?"

"I have sent out invitations to everyone in town and spread the word that no one is to say anything about it in front of Lorelai. So far, so good. I think we should expect a pretty good turnout. Half the town has already said something about coming. With all of the music and dancing and food that we are planning, who can blame them?"

Luke smiled. Normally, music and dancing would not be up his alley. But the memory of that night at Liz's wedding, of holding Lorelai for the first time, the wreath of flowers in her hair, the blush that he saw in her cheeks as they waltzed, the idea of repeating all of that prompted him to suggest that in the first place. As the committee started to chatter again, Luke thanked them for their time, answering last-minute questions as they all began to file out of the diner. Rory held up her cell phone and left the diner to go call her mother to say that she had found a cheap flight to London. The shower was three days away; Luke found himself more and more excited each day, especially knowing that Rory was so involved. She had helped more than he could have imagined, suggesting certain touches for the festivities that he would never have considered. She took a lot of pressure off of him, which allowed him to concentrate more on his other surprise.

center b ** /b /center **

Luke bounded up the stairs to his apartment to take another look at his gift for the baby. He had begun working on it a couple of weeks before, as soon as he had the idea for the shower. He had gathered the materials and worked on it in the hours that he was not in the diner. He had been so excited to work on it that he had not gotten more than four or five hours a night for the last week or so at least. He knew that when Lorelai saw that that she would know that he was in, all in. She had to.

**I close my eyes  
And imagine you're here**

He could think of no better way to do that than give her this shower and then this gift. He was sure that the custody papers that sat on his bureau would also help. She would see that he had all of his ducks in a row. He would tell her about what happened after April ran away, about Christopher's visit, about what these last few months had shown him. He would tell her everything and make her see that this was their time. The baby was their beacon, guiding them back to each other.

** center b Forgive me  
I didn't do a thing to make you stay  
I didn't say a word to make you stay /b /center **

He would make it better, all of it. He would explain everything to her and make her see that he was where she belonged. She knew it already; he just had to prove it to her.

** center b I close my eyes  
And imagine you're here /b /center **

One more time, he took out the sonogram pictures that Lorelai had given him. He closed his eyes and imagined their son. He would have her crystalline eyes, but his dark curls. His personality would be bright like hers, but he would rant like his father. Luke could see them standing on the banks of a stream, father and son fishing. He could see nights spent watching movies with their child snuggled between him and Lorelai. He could see his growing son helping out in the diner much as Jess did. He could see Rory and April and this child (and possibly another one after him) all sitting down with him and Lorelai and their families at Thanksgiving and Christmas. This was the life he had always wanted. He wished that he had happened upon it sooner, that he had taken a chance with Lorelai earlier. Now he was impatient to start the rest of his life. He sighed when he remembered that he had three days more to go.

** center b Back to you  
It always comes around  
Back to you /b /center **

Despite his restlessness, he realized that, for the first time in many months, there was peace in his life. Though he and Lorelai had yet to reconcile, he was assured of that possibility. At that thought, Luke began to feel like life was finally looking up.

** center b Leave the light on,  
I'll never give up on you,  
Leave the light on,  
For me too, for me too /b /center **

Luke crawled into bed that night and laid there staring at her spot. He could see her there next to him, the curves of her body silhouetted in the moonlight. In his mind, he could see her sleepy smile as she would roll over one more time to kiss him good night. She was so real to him; he swore he could reach out and touch her. He wondered if she lay in bed thinking of him. In all of his life, he had never believed in such thoughts. He always thought it naïve to think that this person was thinking of him the same time that he was thinking of her. Yet this night, as lay in bed looking at the moonlight streaming through his blinds, he knew that she saw the same light and in that, he felt connected to her. "Good night, my dear," he said to the image of her in his mind and closed his eyes.

center b To Be Continued… /b /center 

b Only two more chapters! Come back soon for the biggest baby shower Stars Hollow has ever seen. This is a blowout that is not to be missed! /b 

(Lyrics – "One Word" Anouk; "Back to You" John Mayer)


	9. Chapter 9

Many thanks to b Erica Bing /b , who was a great beta! My only hope is that I can come up with more stories for her to read!

** center b Chapter 9 /center /b **

Emily Gilmore did not know of many certainties in life. Even the one thing she felt she had always been able to count on – her husband's love – she had once been uncertain of. Their reconciliation had renewed her faith in love once again and she held out hope, though she would never tell them of it, that Lorelai and Rory would find such happiness.

Imagine her surprise when she received a visit from Luke Danes, her daughter's long-time friend and former fiancé. He was dressed nicely for his visit, wearing a black suit, light purple shirt, and dark purple silk tie. He came with a folder in tow and asked to speak to her for a few moments about an urgent matter. She showed him into the living room, the scene of several uncomfortable previous visits, and offered him something to drink. He declined and then went on to discuss the reason for his visit.

Over the next hour, Luke laid out the baby shower for Emily. He gave her two invitations just in case she wanted to put one away for a keepsake. He showed her the menu and the decorations, the song list for dancing and the set list for Hep Alien, the gift he planned for Lorelai and the baby, and then ended his presentation with the reasons behind his desire to do this for her daughter.

"I love her, Emily. I love her more than anything. I have regretted every moment that we have been apart. We both have made mistakes over the last year, but I feel that we can make up for those and prevent them from ever happening again. I want to marry her. I want to be a father to my child. I would like yours and Richard's blessing for this."

Emily Gilmore smiled. In her heart, she wanted to hug Luke and thank him for this. After so many years, after watching them together before they were an item and then as a couple, she has finally come to terms with their togetherness. At first, she had tried to resist it because she always felt that her daughter could still become part of the world that Emily herself lived in. As the years went on, though, she saw that Lorelai was a part of something different, a life that might not always include her mother and father, but one that made her happy nevertheless. She belonged in Stars Hollow and her parents demonstrated their understanding of this by offering to buy Lorelai and Luke a home in Stars Hollow. Luke's invitation to the shower was one that she certainly appreciated and told him so, but wasn't sure that she and Richard would accept.

"I would rather that you and Lorelai have a good time. If this is how you expect to get her back, then spend your evening wooing her and not worrying about us." Emily said. Luke looked somewhat relieved in spite of himself because he knew that her parents' presence would be one more thing that he would have to keep up with.

"If you change your mind, please let me know. You and Mr. Gilmore are more than welcome in Stars Hollow."

"I appreciate that, Luke. However, I know that you will need Mr. Gilmore and I to cancel Friday night dinner so that you can have this soiree."

"Yes, that was something else that I want to speak to you about. Can you free up this evening for Lorelai and Rory? Rory is helping me with everything and I will need her there to coordinate the festivities."

"I would be happy to do that. I do expect, then, that I will see you, Lorelai, and Rory the week after for Friday night. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great. I promise that we will be there."

"Good." Emily pursed her lips and paused before making her next request. "Luke, if you and Lorelai get back together and continue with your plans to marry, I would like to meet your daughter."

"April?"

"Yes, I have heard about her and would love to spend some time with her. If you are going to be a part of this family, then she will be as well."

"I will talk to her mother about April joining us for dinner one night. How about next Friday? We will make it our first Gilmore-Danes family dinner."

"Richard and I would like that very much. I will call you next week to finalize plans for this."

"Sounds great." Luke began to gather his papers up. "Unfortunately, I have to get back to the diner, but I am glad that I could meet with you to talk about this. I am excited about Friday night."

"I wish you luck with the festivities. I am sure that you will have no problems with Rory involved. She is an excellent organizer and coordinator."

"Oh, I can tell. She asked questions about aspects of the shower that I hadn't even thought about and now is supervising the setup so that I don't have to. We are all lucky to have her as a part of this."

After Luke said goodbye and Emily shut the door behind him, she went up the stairs to Lorelai's old room, which had also been Rory's at one time. In the trunk at the foot of the bed, she found an old scrapbook. In it were drawings of ceremony sites and reception setups. She found the pictures and notes she had gathered as she imagined Lorelai's wedding, beginning when her daughter was very young. The Russian winter theme might need reimagining, she realized. She took the scrapbook with her as she walked out to her car and drove to the nearest bookstore to comb through wedding magazines.

** center b /b /center **

Sunday night, Rory went back to New Haven, telling her mother that she needed some time to get ready for the fall semester, which was to start in a couple of weeks. She wanted to check in at the Yale Daily News as well as with her part-time job at the Stamford Eagle-Gazette. She was going to do both, but she was also going to be working on the baby shower with Luke in Stars Hollow, so she needed to deflect her mother's attention from the town. She needed her mom to assume that everything was normal. Lorelai still was not going into the diner so Rory felt that there was little chance she would run into her mother while finishing up the final details. A phone call from Logan proved fortuitous as well.

"Hey, Ace," Logan checked in once every day or so. It was Sunday so this was his final phone call before his work week started up again.

"Hi, Logan. What's up?" Rory smiled, excitedly pacing around the apartment as they talked.

"Actually, something good. I'm coming to New York on Friday for business and I thought I might stay until Sunday and take the red eye back to London to be home in time for work again on Monday."

"Oh, goody!" Rory bounced up and down at the news. "That's perfect timing, Logan!"

"It is? I expected that you would be swamped with stuff to do to get ready for the fall semester. You've got the Yale Daily News, the Stamford Eagle-Gazette, your mom and her pregnancy."

"Well, I do still have all of that, but I'm not necessarily going to be working this weekend. However, the latter thing is something I definitely have to do this coming Friday."

"Oh, really? Why?" Logan asked.

Rory went on to explain to Logan everything that had happened in the last few days, including her idea for her cover story for the week. Logan agreed to be her cover, pledging to evade Lorelai's questions if she were to call Logan to ask for Rory. As soon as she got off the phone with Logan, she called her mother.

"Hi, Mom! Guess what? Logan's flying me out to London to visit him this week!" Rory sat down on her bed, the baby's gift laid out before her. "Yeah, isn't that great? I will get to see him for a little while before classes started again. So I'm sorry that we won't get to hang out this weekend…"

Rory had set the stage. Luke was depending on her to be his coordinator this week. She would check in with everyone on their particular parts of the shower and then would supervise as everything was set up. She bounced through her week, with a smile from ear to ear, excited about the shower. Her new half-sibling was getting a party to remember (though it really wouldn't be able to), Luke was working on getting her mom back, and Logan would be in the tri-state area for the weekend. Things were definitely looking up.

** center b /b /center **

As he worked all Wednesday afternoon, Luke kept looking at the phone. April had been there the day before for her usual Tuesday visit; they had had a good time. He had taken her to see a presentation on efforts to build a butterfly habitat at a local botanical garden. She chattered about that all throughout dinner and, as he was listening to his thirteen-year-old daughter talk, he realized that she had no idea about the baby.

Since he had found out about Lorelai's pregnancy, he had barely had time to take it all in, let alone share it with anyone. He had not even told Liz, though he knew he really should have by now. He was just afraid of her pregnant sister's reaction once he told her about the pregnancy; she would grill and chide him, reminding him of what an idiot he had been to let her walk away, a fact which he was already well aware of. But April was his daughter. She was going to have a sibling. Anna had not married in the thirteen years since she was born nor had she really been seriously involved enough with someone to consider having another child so it had just been April for so long. Rory had the potential to be a great stepsister, but Luke and Lorelai's breakup had preempted that opportunity. Luke was not sure how April would react. Moreover, he was not sure how Anna would react; April was usually laid back about everything, except for the turmoil over Anna's forbidding her from seeing Luke. Anna, though, was a different story. He decided to call Anna first.

As he dialed her number, he hoped that she was having a good day at the boutique. If she was having a good day, then she was usually relaxed about anything he had to say. Today, though, he could tell she sounded stressed. She answered in a flat voice, as if she were paying attention to something else while talking on the phone.

"Hi, Anna. It's Luke."

"Luke? Is something wrong?" He heard her tapping on the other end and assumed that she was working on her computer, hence the distracted voice.

"No. Why would anything be wrong?"

Anna sighed and sounded tired. "I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of inventory and I have zero help. April can't help me because she is volunteering at the Y today so I am stuck here trying to update everything so I can do my winter orders." He heard more tapping and then a thud.

"What was that?"

"Oh, that was just me banging on the counter because I am frustrated. OK, no more inventory until I get off the phone." Luke heard her shift the phone from one ear to the other. "So, what's up?"

Luke took a breath. "I have some news."

"OK." Anna said, the slightest bit of hesitancy and suspicion ringing through her voice. Luke wondered how she would react. Would she be jealous because this was happening to him and not her? Would she be jealous that it wasn't her with him? He often wondered if her hostility toward him was more from leftover feelings of attraction than the threat of his taking April away. Not one to flatter himself, he thought it was likely more the latter.

"Lorelai is pregnant." Luke paused after saying it to give Anna a moment to react.

"Wow. Congratulations. Are you two back together?"

"No, not yet. I'm working on it. I want us to start over and rekindle our relationship, but we will have to talk more before that can happen."

"Now that we have everything worked out between you and me, perhaps that will be easier."

Anna was no fool, Luke knew. She knew the role that the turmoil over April played in his and Lorelai's breakup. Luke just hoped that April did not. "I hope so. Lorelai really likes April and I know that April feels the same about her. But I haven't told April about Lorelai's pregnancy because I wasn't sure how things were going to play out between the two of us. Regardless of what happens between me and Lorelai, I want April to get to know her new half-sibling and I am hoping that you will be OK with that."

Anna's pause was a long one and Luke thought he heard her swallow hard. This had to be difficult for her. She probably wanted to have another child herself, but the way that life was working out, that may not be possible anytime soon. She wanted to find a life-lasting love. And here was Luke, the last person she ever expected to settle down and have a family, the man she had obviously underestimated for so many years, doing exactly that. The tinge of jealousy came not at the fact that he was doing it with someone else, as that would imply attachment, but that he was doing it at all when she had not been able to herself. "I think April would like that very much. She has asked me several times over the years for a sibling, although I think she gave up at some point in the last few years. It would be good for her to get to know the family you're building."

"Get to know? Anna, she is a part of it. As are you. April is my daughter and I want her – and by extension you – to feel like she is a part of everything. I want her there for the baby's birth, I want her there for family dinners, for all of it. You too, if you feel comfortable with that."

"Well, we'll see about that." Anna sort of laughed at the idea of being friends with her baby's daddy's wife and other family. It all seemed a bit bizarre to her. She had a family of her own and knew that she would have to share April with Luke, but she did not think that she could share much beyond that. It had been too many years since she and Luke were together. They barely knew each other.

"All right. I understand." Luke paused. "One more question and then I will let you get back to fighting with your inventory. I am throwing Lorelai a surprise baby shower on Friday. I really would like April to come and share this with us. I know that I haven't told her about Lorelai's pregnancy, but I can tell her tomorrow while she is hanging out at the diner. I would love for her to help me with all of the preparations. She will get to spend time with Rory, who is coordinating most of it tomorrow while I work at the diner. What do you say?"

"Why don't you leave it up to April? Talk to her tomorrow and see what she thinks about it. It's all right with me. When do you think you can have her home? School starts next week; I really don't want to have her out too late."

"I can have her home by eleven, I am sure. We're starting the shower around sundown so the party should be winding down by then."

"OK. Just clear it with April first. Make sure she's OK with this. I don't want her to feel weird or uncomfortable about this. I may pack a bag with some clothes for her to change into just in case she decides that she wants to go."

Luke smiled. He was grateful to Anna for being understanding and knew that April would be ecstatic about the shower. He just hoped that he could find the right words to tell her about her new half-sibling. "Thank you, Anna. I appreciate this."

"No problem. Talk to you soon."

"See ya." Luke hung up the phone and then looked at the clock. He needed to get back downstairs to the diner. The dinner rush would be starting soon and Caesar would probably pull his hair out if Luke wasn't there to help. He took out the sonogram pictures, ran finger over them, and smiled. i _Two more days /i ,_ he thought, i _two more days until I can make everything right again /i ._ He thought of Lorelai and wondered how she would react. Would she be happy about it? Would she appreciate his involvement in the shower? Would she not accept his apology and deny him the chance to get back together? He wasn't sure what to expect, but he was absolutely certain that Friday night would leave no doubt about his feelings for Lorelai and their child.

** center b /b /center **

April twisted back and forth on the stool, alternating between reading intently and discussing what she was reading with both her father and Kirk. The latter was watching April with rapt attention, saying that he wanted to learn all he could about kids since apparently Lulu wanted some. When asked how many, Kirk's face took on this caged animal quality as he muttered. "Six, at least."

"Six?" The number reverberated around the diner as Luke tried to imagine a gaggle of Kirks running through Stars Hollow. April then whispered to her father later that she was kind of glad that she didn't live in Stars Hollow.

When it was time for lunch, Luke cooked whatever April requested and then followed April upstairs to his apartment so that they could share a quiet lunch together. They did this every time she visited so that they could spend some quality time talking and poking fun at each other. Luke was growing more and more comfortable with the rhythm of April's visits, reading her moods and tone of voice. She really was an extraordinary kid and Luke still marveled at the fact that she was his.

"So I saw Rory walk by earlier. What is she doing here in town? I thought she went to Yale." April said, her fork planted in her country fried steak as she waited for Luke's answer.

"She does go to Yale, but she's in between terms right now."

"What's she doing in Stars Hollow then?"

"Well, I wanted to tell you about that." Luke wiped his mouth with his napkin and then rested his elbows on the table, prepared for his speech. "You remember Lorelai, right?"

"Yes, your former fiancée, Rory's mom, one of the coolest people ever, part of the reasoning behind running away. How could I forget?"

"Right. Well, today is a very special day. You see, Stars Hollow is throwing a surprise party for Lorelai tonight."

"Wow, that sounds like fun. What is the occasion?"

Luke hesitated. He really wasn't sure how April would take this news. Would she be afraid that the burgeoning father/daughter relationship they had now would go away? Would she be happy that she was going to have a sibling, even if it was just a half-brother or sister? Then he remembered how mature she was. She always seemed to be in tune with what was happening around her. She could see through her mother's façade and her father's reticence and understand what was at the heart of the issue. Would this be any different? He doubted so. "Lorelai is pregnant and tonight the town is giving her a surprise baby shower."

"What?" April laid her fork down and stood up. She began to pace around the room, talking very fast. "Oh my gosh! This is so awesome! I have always wanted a baby brother or sister, but now I get to have one. So what if it's a half-sibling; at least it's something. Does this mean that you and Lorelai are getting back together? That would rock! You two could get married like you had planned and then Rory would be my stepsister and this baby would be my half-brother or sister. I could come and spend weekends with you and play with the baby. I could help change diapers and feed it. I could read it i _Harold and the Purple Crayon /i _. Heck, I'll buy the kid its own copy so that you or Lorelai could read it when I'm not there. Oh, I'm so excited! Dad, I'm so happy!" April threw her arms around her father's neck and squeezed him so tightly that she knocked the wind from him for a second. Then she proceeded to dance around the room a bit more. Luke just watched her until she sat down and began to eat her food again calmly.

"So I take it that you're happy about this."

"Of course! Do I get to come to the baby shower?"

"Yes, you do, as a matter of fact. Your mother dropped off some clothes for you to change into. You can help Rory set up everything this afternoon. How does that sound?"

"Fabulous. What time will she need me?"

"Well, she'll be in about three so you can ask her if she needs help then."

"Yay!" April sprung up and hugged Luke's neck again. He hugged her back and kissed her on the top of her head when she sat back down to eat. The big smile she had stayed plastered on her face for the rest of the day. When Rory came by to update Luke and take April with her, he watched April launch herself into Rory's arms, taking her by surprise. Rory hugged her back and Luke came around the counter to hug both of them, again taking Rory by surprise.

April's good spirits were apparently infectious.

** center b /b /center **

On Friday, Sookie had decided to take a walk around the town and she pleaded with Lorelai at various times throughout the day to accompany her. Sookie wanted to see the new decorations Taylor and the town committee had decided to put up in the square. Lorelai decided that this might be a prime opportunity to take in a warm summer's night.

As sundown neared, Sookie hovered in Lorelai's office doorway, trying to move her friend towards the door. "Lorelai, let's get going. I don't want to miss out on the fun."

"Fun, what fun? We're just going to walk around to see the pretty lights." Lorelai looked up at Sookie through her glasses, not quite ready to budge.

"I heard that Taylor was planning some sort of surprise tonight. I wonder what it could be!" Sookie clapped excitedly. She was actually excited about the baby shower, but she knew that Lorelai would wonder why she was so giddy if there was nothing going on, so she had to fake a Taylor surprise. She knew that her friend would not be thrown by the idea of Taylor surprising the town.

"I'm sure it will be something great, like that barbershop quartet that only sang the one song over and over and over and over again." Lorelai smiled sarcastically, remembering hers and Rory's walk through the town's first summer festival several years back. Sometimes, when she was very still and quiet, that damn song slid back into her head. She had cursed Taylor at every opportunity for that.

"Come on, come on, pregnant lady. You need your exercise!" Sookie came around to Lorelai's chair and held out her arms to help pull Lorelai up. Lorelai backed the chair up a bit and then used her own body plus Sookie's arms to finagle her way out of her chair.

"Whew!" Lorelai wiped her brow. "I swear this kid is already the size that Rory was when she was born. I don't remember getting this big with her. I think I have officially outgrown my chair."

"Well, don't forget this is Luke's kid too. He's tall and rather muscular. You could end up with a linebacker coming out of you in a few months."

"Oh, yay, childbirth. I think we have to get amnesia or something between children so that we actually go through with having another one. We magically forget all of the downsides to pregnancy in favor of—"

"The kid?" Sookie raised an eyebrow at her. With two kids of her own, she was not unfamiliar with what Lorelai was talking about.

"Yeah." Lorelai smiled when she thought about her baby. In her mind he was always blue eyed with dark curly hair and Rory's chubby baby cheeks. She had to giggle when she thought about him. "Well, I guess he's worth it."

"He?"

"Yeah, yeah. I haven't found out yet. But I will soon. I've got an amniocentesis scheduled for next week." Lorelai held on to Sookie's shoulder as they descended the inn's front steps. "Are you sure Jackson is not expecting you at home?" she asked Sookie as they started walking away from the Dragonfly.

"No--" Sookie giggled and shrugged. "He's home with Davey and Martha. I told him I wanted to hang out and enjoy the weather before rushing home. He's OK with it; they'll watch Boobah until Martha goes to sleep and then Davey and Jackson will watch baseball until they both fall asleep on the sofa and then I will put the two of them to bed. It's a classic night at the Belleville household."

"Ah. I'm going to go home, check out how much Netflix loves me, and then conk out whenever the baby decides it's ready to as well."

They continued in companionable silence for the next few blocks, Lorelai looking around at the town as they walked. She loved the town on nights like this; the sun went down late so the warmth of the day hung around long after the light had faded. The sun's dimming light over the town's houses and buildings coupled with the fireflies created this magical feel that only the first snow could beat. She missed Stars Hollow.

Just then, as they rounded the corner, they got an unobstructed view of the town square. In addition to the new multi-colored twinkle lights and greenery around the gazebo, streams of blue and pink floated around the square. She saw a gaggle of Miss Patty's kids floating around in stork costumes, their beaks holding baby dolls in bundles. Kirk was walking around in footy pajamas, looking very much like he had stepped out of i _A Christmas Story /i _. The townspeople milled about in the square, around tables of drinks and food (including a very large cake made to look like a stack of alphabet blocks) and, as she got closer, a very large stack of gifts. Lorelai stopped and sucked in a breath, trying to take the scene in. Tears welled in her eyes as she saw that nearly everyone in town had turned out for this.

In the middle of it all, smiling, and reaching for her hands was Luke. He was dressed in a blue shirt and black slacks that she had bought him for Christmas the year before; his eyes sparkled at her as he led her to a throne set up in one corner of the square.

"What is this?" she asked him and everyone standing around her.

"It's your baby shower. We wanted to throw you and the baby a party to celebrate this happy occasion," Luke smiled. "We have dancing storks, an ungodly amount of your favorite junk foods, music, friends, and even dancing. This is yours and the baby's big night."

Luke stepped away and let the townspeople greet Lorelai. He walked around, talking to people, supervising the food, and checking on the gifts. He made sure they were arranged right so that one special gift was hidden from view until the right moment. When Lorelai was done talking and inquiring about food, he followed her to the food table and filled a plate for her as she pointed at foods that she wanted. As she sat eating on her throne, Sookie sat next to her talking about all of the cool decorations and goings-on at the shower. In the opposite corner, she saw the bunny-clad Kirk spinning records as others danced. She could not count the number of people here; it had to be literally everyone in Stars Hollow. She missed Rory, who would have enjoyed the food and the dancing; instead, Lorelai hoped that Rory was enjoying food and dancing in London while she visited Logan before her senior year of college started.

"Sook, whose idea was all of this?"

Sookie smiled slyly and giggled. "Luke's."

"Luke's?" Lorelai had to pause and consider that. "But why?"

Sookie put a hand on Lorelai's knee. "Lorelai, he loves you. Can't you see that? He loves you and that baby and he wanted to show you that."

"He loves me?" She looked around for him and saw him standing there, watching her. She put a hand to her lips and tried to swallow her tears. She stood up, put her plate down, and walked over to him shyly.

"Luke, this is amazing. I've never seen a party this big here."

"I think Taylor has said the same thing. He walked around counting heads a few minutes ago and said that this was the largest gathering in the square on record."

"I can't tell you how much this means to me. I never knew that everyone cared so much."

"Of course, they do. You are a part of this town. This is your home."

"Thank you, Luke. Thank you for this." Her eyes glittered at him. His heart fluttered at her smile and he started to blush. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. He caught her hand in his and put it on her growing belly.

"Thank you for this." He looked at her, his eyes smiling and her heart fluttered. They were back in the square; Lorelai's mind flashed back to dancing at Liz and TJ's wedding.

** center b Now that I've worn out, I've worn out the world  
I'm on my knees in fascination /b /center **

Could they do that again? Could they get that newness, that sweetness back? She reached for his hand to find out.

"Would you like to dance?"

"I would" he said and took her hand. They walked hand in hand toward the dancing part of the crowd, the town holding their collective breath as they watched the couple walk past. Could this mean that they might reconcile? Could this mean that their sadness was over?

In dancing, the two moved together easily. He liked the feel of her pregnant bump against his body and wondered if the baby could feel him there. He liked the feel of Lorelai's hands on his again and held one hand over his heart as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

** center b You are the lover's rock**

**The rock that I cling to**

**You're the one**

**The one I swim to in a storm**

**Like a lovers rock /b /center **

In this moment, she wrapped her fingers around his, her other arm wrapped tightly around his body. When she lifted her head, she looked into his eyes and in them she saw her life. It was long and filled with love. She could see their child running toward them, flinging himself into his father's arms, and then reaching for her, the three of them enveloped in a familial embrace. She could see herself and Luke together in bed, wrapped in blankets and sheets, hands everywhere, bare skin on bare skin. They fit together so well, their bodies molding to each other. She could see him there when she cried, holding her as he had when Rory was gone and Lorelai felt that loss more deeply than anything else in her life save for Rory's birth and their first kiss. She could see a family dinner, with Rory, April, and this new little one, all gathered around the table, teasing, happy. In his eyes, she could see herself and there she was whole. She wanted to let herself hope for that again. She wanted to deserve him again because she felt that she could not leave the town square tonight without him. If she did, her heart would break all over again and she could not bear that. Didn't all of this mean it was their time again? Was Sookie right – Luke loved her? Perhaps, the little voice in her head said, he had never stopped in the first place. Lorelai swallowed tears as she thought about the horoscope and how long it took them to get here in the first place. She could not let the chance go by again.

** center b When I need to be rescued**

**And I need a place to swim**

**I have a rock to cling to in the storm**

**When no one can hear me calling**

**I have you I can sing to /b /center **

Lorelai's eyes shined with unshed tears as Luke watched them look into his. In her eyes were the keys to his happiness. He had seen what life would be like if she were not in it. Certainly, he would have April and the diner, but the sparkle would be absent. She gave him his smile. Without her, life would have no color. It would be early to bed, early to rise. Food deliveries, customers, cleanups. From the enclosed glass case of Luke's Diner, he would watch the seasons pass him by, their colors staying well away from the cage he would have locked himself into. He would feel heavy with the ghosts of his mother and father, who he knew would be disappointed in him if he let her go again. What had life been like before her? He could not remember a time when those brown curls and crystalline blue eyes were not a part of the scene. As they continued to dance, he turned his attention to the bump of her midsection. He could not imagine a time before this baby. All of those times that he looked at those black and white sonogram pictures made him see that before didn't matter. Now did. They had hurt each other so much over these last few months, but they could get through that. Luke knew that it was possible. They just had to talk openly and honestly and let each other depend on the other. It had to work because he just could not live his life without her or their child. Weekly visits and sharing custody was no life. He had missed out on so much with April and he saw it happening again if he could not hold onto Lorelai. As he held her hand over his heart, felt her arm around his body, and listened to her breathe, he knew that he could not let this chance go by again.

** center b When I need to be rescued you're there**

**When I need a place to swim to in a storm**

**I sing to you**

**And all my life**

**And in all my life /b /center **

As the song sunk into its ending, Lorelai felt someone bump her gently and she looked up to see who it was. There stood Rory and Logan, wrapped up in each other, smiling at her and Luke. "Rory!"

"Mom!" she hugged her mother. "Fred!" Rory put her hands on her mother's bump.

"Fred?" Luke repeated, puzzled.

"Well, we got tired of just calling the baby 'it' or 'the baby' so we gave it a nickname."

"But you don't know if it's a boy or a girl."

"So?" Rory seemed impatient with his questions. "The kid will have a name sooner or later. This one doesn't have to stick."

Luke shook his head. "Thank goodness. I would not name my kid Fred, that's for sure."

"Humberto?"

"Rory—"

"Long Duck Dong?"

"Rory!" Lorelai had to laugh at the last one, but saw that Luke was not finding this as funny as she was so she cut her daughter off. "Logan, how are you doing?"

Logan put an arm around Rory's shoulders and hugged her. "I'm great now that I back with my girl for a couple of days."

"Not staying?" Luke asked.

"Can't. I'll take a red eye back to London and the grind on Sunday, but for now I'm just going to enjoy forty-eight hours of Rory."

"Aw, I'm so glad you two are here." Lorelai hugged Rory and then Logan. She turned to Luke. "I'm glad you are here too."

That was Rory and Logan's cue to return to dancing. Lorelai and Luke stood there mesmerized by each other.

"You're glad I'm here?" he asked her, running a hand up and down her arm.

"Of course, I am. I have missed you, Luke."

"I missed you too." They stopped for a moment and looked at each other, soaking in the essence of the other. He could not keep his eyes off her, how radiant she looked, how soft she felt. He was sad that he had missed the past few weeks with her, that they had been apart and not sharing in the changes that she was going through.

She was taking him in, trying to push questions about how long this would last to the back of her mind. She just wanted to enjoy this, to enjoy him for as long as he would let her.

After a few more dances, Lorelai spotted a blur coming toward her and Luke. "Gifts!" Sookie came streaking across the square, shrieking for the next phase of the festivities.

"Luke, everyone has eaten. I think it's time for Lorelai to open gifts!"

When Lorelai sat down in her throne, the pile of gifts at her feet threatened to overwhelm her. "You guys, this is too much! This baby is not set to arrive for another four months!"

"Oh, believe me, hon, it will take you that long to get through all of this stuff," Miss Patty said.

"Shopping for babies is so easy to do, Lorelai. What do you expect from all of us? That's our kid as much as yours and Luke's," Babette said.

Lorelai heard "Oh, Lord!" from Luke's direction. Everyone laughed. A familiar figure walked up to Lorelai and handed her the first gift.

"April!"

Standing before Lorelai was the curly-haired thirteen-year-old. She had a huge smile on her face and was wearing a very grown-up outfit. She obviously had known about this surprise also. Lorelai gave her a hug and told her how grown up she looked.

"Thanks. I was so excited about this when Luke told me! I can't wait to have a baby brother or sister! I've always wanted one."

Lorelai smiled and hugged April again. The girl looked up at her. "Can I touch your belly? I've never really been around anyone who was pregnant." Lorelai took April's hands and put them on her growing stomach.

"Now the baby's still not very big yet so you really can't feel it yet. In a few more weeks, you will be able to feel him kicking."

April's smile just got bigger. "Cool!" She stepped back towards Luke and gave him a hug around his waist. Lorelai could not help but laugh at the gesture.

"Open the gifts, sugah" Babette saw that Lorelai was holding her gift and got impatient.

"All right, all right." Lorelai carefully unwrapped the gift, which turned out to be a beautiful crotched afghan.

"Thank you, Babette. The baby will love this!"

A dozen or so gifts later, each one eliciting a coo or "Aww" from the various females in the crowd (including Rory, April, and Lorelai), Luke interjected. "Wait, wait! Before you open another gift, there is a little something from me." He took Lorelai by the hand and led her around the pile of gifts. "Close your eyes" he told her as he guided her. She squeezed her eyes shut and stuck her other arm out feeling the air around her as she walked. "Is it a bird? A plane? The new Superman?"

"No." Luke's voice close to her ear surprised her. He held her still and turned her in the right direction. "OK, now you can open your eyes."

Standing in front of her was the most beautiful baby bed she had ever seen. It was stained a golden maple color with a curving sleigh form. The ends were smooth and had elaborate knots carved in the bends of each curve. The bars looked like the columns of her huppah, swirling upward toward the smooth horizontal bars. The legs had clawed feet and each of the panels that made up the sides of the bed had a tree etched into it. Lorelai walked around it once, twice, trying to take in the beauty of it.

She looked at him in awe. "Did you make this?" He was there in front of her, hands in his pockets, his face crossed with this warm kind of smile. She had seen it before, in moments when he looked at April, watched her, listened to her. It was the daddy smile. Lorelai stood watching him while the townspeople circled the bed, ooing and ahhing over Luke's handiwork. She walked over to him and took his hand.

"You made this."

"Yes, I did."

"Wow."

"I saw the tree in a book. It is the Celtic tree of life. Trees were sacred to the Celts. They brought sustenance, shelter, and fuel. They were the givers of life. I thought that was appropriate for this. We are the givers of life. We planted the seed and now we will bring forth a life."

"You made this, you planned this, for our child." She could not believe him; she was quite nearly speechless for once. "You didn't have to do that. I bought a bed already. I have this taken care of."

"Lorelai, this is our child. We made this, you and me. We are in this together, you and me." He pulled her closer to him and held her by the shoulders. "You can depend on me."

Lorelai looked at him closely, her eyes studying every nuance of his face, his eyes, his lips. Recognition slowly crossed her face. "Rory talked to you."

"And you, I'm sure."

"Yes, she reminded me that I could depend on you, that I could trust you as long as I allowed you to depend on and trust me."

"That's true."

"Which part?"

"You can depend on me, Lorelai. You can trust me. You can tell me things that you don't think you want to say or that I want to hear and I will be there to listen. You can ask me to do things for you and I will do them. I will give you all of the reassurances you need now and anytime."

Lorelai bowed her heard for a moment. Her eyes filled with tears. Damn these hormones, she chided herself, but she knew it wasn't hormones. She was touched by him and what he said. She knew she should say something back; she wanted to say something like that. "Wow," she laughed nervously, "I wish I could be so eloquent. You have always been able to say things in a way that I never could." She looked up at him, big tears lining the rims of her eyes. "I know what I would like to say, but I'm not sure that knowing what I have done to you I can ever say that again."

Luke wanted to talk more, he wanted to tell her more, but they were interrupted by the chattering of Babette, Miss Patty, Sookie, and even Rory and April, who were pushing Lorelai back toward her throne. She looked back at Luke as they pushed her and slipped him a smile which he returned.

While Lorelai opened more gifts, Rory hung back with Luke watching. "That crib is absolutely gorgeous, Luke. I've never seen Mom so touched by something." Rory put her hand on Luke's arm. "Thank you," she said, her voice cracking a little.

Luke hugged her. "I love her, Rory. I truly do. We will work this out, no matter how long it takes."

"I know, Luke. I'm glad you got everything straightened out with April and Anna."

"Me too. I can't wait to tell your mother that."

Rory looked up at him. "Make her listen to you. Don't let her continue to beat herself up. I don't know if my dad told her what he told you and me."

Luke's face took on a snarl. "Christopher. Yeah, he told me that he had not told her about that night yet. Why wouldn't he tell her?"

"To soften Mom up to propose to her. To get her back by convincing her that she has no hope with you. He wanted her, he still wants her, but he knows that he can't have her." Rory stopped for a moment. "He's my dad, but I know that he is capable of being selfish. He has admirable intentions, wanting someone to share his life with, but instead of moving on to find that with someone else, he fell back on Mom to do it. I hope he can see that he can't do that anymore."

"He does." Rory looked at Luke. "We talked when he came by the diner. It was a good talk." Luke smiled slightly and Rory had to grin.

"You set him straight."

"I don't think he'll be bothering us again." Rory had to laugh softly at how Luke puffed his chest out when he said that.

"Luke!" Lorelai's voice cut through their conversation. "Luke! Look!" Lorelai held up a tiny outfit: a flannel shirt with jeans and a blue baseball cap.

"What if it's a girl?" he responded.

"What? Girls can't wear flannel?" Lorelai smiled. Luke had to laugh.

** center b /b /center **

After everyone was gone, the remaining food packed up and dispersed, Lorelai sat on her throne still, surrounded by at least a hundred baby gifts. Rory and Logan had already gone back to New Haven to spend some quality time together and had offered to drop April off at home so that Luke and Lorelai could stay. Luke sat on the platform next to Lorelai, looking over all of the gifts, trying to figure out the best way to get all of this back to - where? Lorelai's townhouse? His apartment? He missed her house, their house. It had plenty of room for them and for their stuff. It was her space, but he spent so much time there fixing things and hanging out with Lorelai and then practically living there, that it felt like his space. He missed it; he wanted to go home.

"How am I going to get all of this home?" Lorelai sighed. "The Jeep might hold a third of this."

"I'll load all of this into the back of the truck and follow you home. I'll help you unload it."

"What about the crib?" Lorelai looked at the magnificent crib and can't imagine how anyone could move it; she was afraid that even touching it might ruin its beauty.

"It's not as heavy as it looks. I put casters on inside the feet so that it's easy to move around."

"Luke!" Lorelai patted his arm. "That was so smart!"

"Well, I figured that might come in handy."

She smiled at him and looked down at her hands. "What is your favorite gift?"

"I think it would have to be the flannel shirt, jeans, and blue cap. Who got that for us?"

"Rory. She said that she saw it and had to get it, regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl."

Luke smiled that smile again, the dad smile. Lorelai loved seeing that on him again.

"What's your favorite?" he asked her.

"The crib. It's beautiful, Luke. I mean, it really is. I can't say enough about it."

"I'm glad you liked it."

"No, I don't think you understand," Lorelai's voice cracked. "Everything was so wonderful tonight -- all of these people, the gifts, the decorations, the food, Kirk dressed as Ralphie from _A Christmas Story_, the crib -- and you did all of this. Those things that you told me, about my being able to trust you, to depend on you. Why? Why are you doing all of this?" She looked at him with small tears dotting her cheeks. He reached out to her and touched her face.

"Because I love you, Lorelai. You and that baby in there."

His words elicited a teary smile from Lorelai and he stood up, pulling her up with him. Her arms went around him and she buried her head in his chest. He held her tightly, her own tears sparking a couple – just a couple – of his own. Lorelai looked up at him and smiled again.

She reached up and kissed the moist areas beneath his eyes. He kissed her lightly on the lips and then kissed her again and again, each time deepening the embrace. Lorelai's body melted under his. She broke the kiss with a yelp and put his hand on the underside of her stomach. "Fred kicked. I felt it."

Luke moved his hand around, trying to feel what she felt. "Really?" He wanted to feel it too. She moved her hand over to the left side and he felt the flutter beneath her skin. "Is that really a kick? Or is it your digestion?"

"No, that's kicking. It's very light, but it's something. Fred started up when we started kissing."

"Well, then, maybe we should keep it up if the baby approves." He kissed her again and then looked around at the gifts. "Instead, perhaps we should start loading this up and getting you home."

The pair of them stacked gift after gift, including the crib, in Luke's truck; what could not fit in there went into Lorelai's Jeep. He tied a tarp over the truck's bed to prevent the loss of any gifts. After they were done, they stood looking at the loaded cars.

"Wow, that's a lot of stuff. I would never have expected so many gifts."

"Well, you deserve it and everything you got is a necessary item."

"Except the shovel. Who gave us a shovel?"

Luke noted the i _us /i _and felt excited at the sound of it. "Oh, that was Lane. She wanted to help us 'bury the past.'"

"Ah, she's a thoughtful one, that Lane." Lorelai sighed as she tried to put more bags and boxes in the Jeep. "I think I need to get a bigger car. I'm not sure that the Jeep is the right car for a baby and all of the accompanying paraphernalia."

"Perhaps I could help you look around for a new car?" Luke looked at her trying to contain the hopeful look of anticipation on his face.

"Of course. I couldn't imagine doing it without you." Lorelai softly smiled at him and reached up to kiss him. When the kiss threatened to turn into more, Luke pulled away from her.

"Maybe we should get going."

"Back to my house?"

"All of this is not going to fit into my apartment." Luke was nervous about seeing Lorelai's townhouse. He was curious about where she had been living since they had split. It had only been a couple of months, but he had missed her terribly even though he had been angry with her. He knew he would feel guilty about walking into that house because he would feel somewhat responsible for her uprooting her life and transplanting it to Litchfield.

They broke the embrace and got into their separate cars to drive to Lorelai's. As they drove, both of them thought about the same things, the baby shower, the talks they had had over the last couple of weeks, the kisses that they had shared that night. They were like magnets, always attracted to each other. No matter what state their relationship was in, they gravitated toward each other. They felt like they always had to be connected in some way and to be apart was unnatural.

** center b /b /center **

As Lorelai unlocked the front door to her townhouse, Luke was close on her heels, peeking over her head at the home she had made. In the dim light of a single lamp, he could not see much, but he did see the edge of the familiar couch and Paul Anka resting on its arm. The dog lifted his head when they walked in, but then laid it back down as Lorelai greeted him.

"What's his problem?" Luke said, motioning at Paul Anka.

"He's still mad that I told him that Begging Strips weren't really bacon. I thought he knew that already."

Luke had to stifle a laugh as he petted the dog. Paul Anka looked up at him warily as if miffed at Luke's prolonged absence. Luke whispered an apology to the dog, who responded by licking his hand. As Lorelai walked into the kitchen to put her purse down, Luke looked around the living room. He saw pillows in the sill of the big picture window and figured that she had set up a sitting area for herself there. He could imagine her sitting there, reading, watching people walk by. He took a peek out of the window and saw that she had a nice view of a nearby park as well as the rows of townhouses that extended beyond hers. The couch faced the window, the television sat perpendicular to the couch, and her chairs either faced or were the side of the television, across from the couch. The walls remained unpainted, but he saw the familiar pictures hung across the room and the same picture of Rory and Lorelai and others scattered across the room on end tables and a sofa table that stood next to the kitchen's doorway. It was all Lorelai, but then it wasn't. It felt bare, as if it was waiting for something or someone to come along to give it life.

"You haven't painted anything." He pointed out to Lorelai when she had kicked her shoes off and sat down on the couch.

"I can't. Pregnant women are not supposed to be around paint."

"I thought that was only certain kinds of paint or only in the first trimester."

Lorelai gave him a i _well, well /i _ look. "Been doing some reading?"

"A little."

"Well, certainly, what you said is true, but I thought it would be safer for me since I am in my late 30s to not expose me or the baby to it at all."

"Ah." Luke sat down on the coffee table, his elbows resting on his knees. He was looking at her intently and she felt uncomfortable under his gaze.

"What?"

"Was that really why you haven't painted the place?"

"Luke, what other reason could there be?"

"That you were hoping this was temporary. That perhaps you wouldn't need to be here long term."

"Luke—"

"Come on, Lorelai, admit it. You and I both have had this hope that everything between us was temporary and eventually we would be back together, especially now that we have a baby on the way."

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably. She didn't want to say anything or reveal that somewhere deep inside, despite her growing cynicism about love, that she had hoped that they could overcome her mistakes and be together again. She remembered Rory's speech about depending on and trusting Luke. If he was here, sitting in front of her, after throwing her a baby shower, building a crib, and helping her get all of her gifts home, then surely she could talk to him openly. "OK, somewhere in my brain, I sort of hoped that you would come here and, I guess, rescue me." She remembered opening the door one Saturday afternoon, hoping that it was Luke who rang her doorbell, but finding Christopher there instead. "I hoped that you would drive up and ring the doorbell. I would open it and there you would be standing. All of what happened over these last few months would be a distant memory and here you would be, ready to take me away from the hole I have dug myself into."

Luke smiled at her and kissed her on her forehead.

"What was that for?"

"That you were daydreaming about me." Lorelai blushed and Luke did too. "After everything, after our blowup and your move, I would lay in bed and, in the moonlight, I could see you lying next to me. I could see the curve of your waist, with the sheet draped over you in just a way to reveal enough of you to entice me. I could smell your hair, that combination of fruity shampoo and whatever perfume you were wearing that day. I could see you in my mind turning to me to say "good night." If I was in between sleep and awake, I could swear that you were there with me. Sometimes I would find myself reaching for you, but you weren't there. It was then that I was reminded of what I had done and how unhappy with myself I was."

Lorelai shook her head. "But you didn't cheat," she said, looking into his eyes. "I betrayed you. I went to another man and sought comfort in his bed. How can you forgive me for something like that?"

Luke took her hand. "You didn't cheat on me, Lorelai."

"What?" Lorelai cocked her head. "Yes, I did. I woke up in his bed, naked. Chris didn't deny that anything had happened. In fact, he seemed to take it as a sign that we were destined to be together."

"Forget what you think happened. Focus on what you do know. He proposed to you, right?"

"How did you know that?"

"Bear with me. When did he propose to you?"

"After he found out I was pregnant. He came by to talk one night, I refused to let him in except to use the bathroom, and then he left. He came back a week or so later with a Tiffany's box and flowers in hand and tried to propose to me on my doorstep."

"When do you think you got pregnant?"

"Dr. Conway and I counted back and we figured out that it was around the time that you came back from that trip with April."

"So how pregnant do you think you were the night of the ultimatum?"

"Oh, probably about six weeks along. Why?" Lorelai looked at her strangely, but then she remembered something and gasped. "Brandy. I remember brandy. And then coffee."

"So you drank a little too much and got sick. Then Christopher gave you coffee to get over whatever buzz you might have and that made you sicker."

"I remember. I remember getting sick. I remember getting very sleepy and Chris putting me in bed." Lorelai stopped. "But that doesn't explain waking up naked."

"The night that he proposed to you, Christopher came by the diner."

"What?" Lorelai said, astonished. She really wasn't sure what was going to come next. "Did you hurt him?"

Luke laughed. "Oh, I wanted to. But then he told me about proposing to you and you turning him down. He looked so sad that I actually felt sorry for him for about five seconds. Then he admitted to me what he had done and decking him became a more attractive prospect."

"What do you mean, what he had done?"

"He lied to you, Lorelai. He tried to convince you that something had happened between the two of you, but it hadn't. After you threw up and then passed out, he put you in bed and took your clothes off – not your underwear, just your clothes – so that you wouldn't soil them if you threw up again. But he took a step further and took your underwear off too so that you would think you had done something more."

Lorelai put her feet on the floor and tried to stand up, finding herself too tired to do so, but it was evident she was angry. "Hand me the phone," she told Luke.

"What? Why?"

"So I can call Christopher and yell at him for this."

"Don't do that. It's over. You told him yourself because he said so. He is not going to bother us anymore. I made sure of that."

Lorelai looked down at her hands, which rested in her lap. "But I am angry about this. No one should be treated like that. That's just cruel. My mother isn't that cruel."

"Just forget it about it." Luke kissed her on the forehead again, but they fell silent for a few moments before he spoke. "You know, I was stupid too here. In fact, I think I think I shoulder more of the blame for our problems than you do."

"Luke, don't—" Lorelai felt uncomfortable with where this was going. She knew what he was going to say and she didn't feel the need to discuss it again. It was all OK; she understood him and why he handled the April situation the way he had. She just wished that she had spoken up earlier. "It's my fault. I should have spoken up about what was bothering me earlier."

"No, I should have been more open with you. I should have trusted you more."

"We really don't need to talk about this."

"I need to talk about this. I need to know where we went wrong, where I went wrong. I don't want this to hang over my head anymore. I need you, Lorelai, really and truly need you and if we were to be together I could not bear to lose you again." Luke took her hands into his. "I don't think I would survive another breakup."

"I understand what happened with April. I know you, Luke, and have for a long time. You are so accustomed to handling big things on your own that you didn't know how to talk to me about it. The same thing happened when we broke up after the vow renewal. Rather than talk to me about what was going on with Christopher, you shut me out. When I tried to get you to talk, well, you know what happened. I think the same thing happened with April to an extent. But you can depend on me, Luke. You can tell me whatever is on your mind and I will be there to listen to it, no matter what. Even if you think it would hurt me to hear it, you should still tell me. You can trust me, Luke."

"Rory got to you too, huh?"

"Did she talk to you?"

"The speech about depending on and trusting each other."

"Man, I think that kid knows more about our relationship than we do. Boy, that Ivy League education of hers comes in handy, doesn't it?"

Luke laughed. "It sure does." He stood up, her hands still in his and pulled her up with him. "Come here."

Lorelai smiled at him and ran a hand gently down his clean-shaven cheek. "Luke—"

"I know, I know. We haven't talked about everything yet. We will, though. We have plenty of time to talk."

"Well, I was thinking about that, but I had something else in mind."

"What?"

"This." Lorelai leaned into him, their lips meeting for yet another kiss. This time, when it deepened, Luke did not pull away, but instead put his hands on her cheeks, holding her face tenderly in his hands. When they parted, both were breathless and smiling at the other.

"I just can't get over this. Are you real? Why are you here? Whatever did I do to deserve this?" Lorelai said, looking straight into his eyes.

"What did I do to deserve you?" He put his hands on her pregnant bump. "Or this. What did I do to have a family all of a sudden? Me, Luke 'table for one' Danes, has a girl and a baby on the way."

"By the way, speaking of the baby, I have an amniocentesis next week. Would you like to go to doctor with me?" Before Luke could respond, Lorelai added, "This test will tell the doctor if everything is going along as it should, but it will also tell us what the baby's sex is if we want to know."

"I thought you knew already."

"I'm just going on instinct here. It feels like a boy, but I don't know that for sure. The amnio will tell us that."

"I will go with you next week and then to each doctor's appointment from now on. I want to be there for everything. I want to go car shopping with you. I want to do it all with you from here on in."

"OK." Lorelai smiled and nuzzled Luke's neck.

"Hey, give me the grand tour here. So far, all I have seen is this room."

"I want to show you the baby's room first."

"Why?"

"I have been trying to decide on themes. I found this great shiny metallic baby bedding. I thought about doing the baby's room in this Liberace-esque theme. What do you think?"

"Lorelai—"

"Come on, let's look at it."

"I'm not letting you decorate my child's room like a dead cheesy lounge singer icon."

"He's not cheesy." Lorelai led Luke toward the baby's room as they continued the banter that often accompanied their togetherness.

** center b /b /center **

Later, Luke and Lorelai were content to lie in bed together, still talking at their leisure. He ran his hand over her bare bump over and over, asking questions about her pregnancy and the baby itself. He even addressed a couple of questions directly to the baby, who responded by moving around. Because Luke could not feel the movement yet, Lorelai had to report the baby's responses to him, but nevertheless Luke felt a connection with his child.

As they lay there together, Lorelai had to marvel at how quickly her life had changed in the space of a day. She had Luke back and now it looked like her pregnancy would be the shared experience she had hoped for, rather than the singular one she had become accustomed to. She felt like she would never stop smiling.

** center b I can't believe it, you're a dream comin' true.  
I can't believe how I have fallen for you. /b /center **

She thought of the family they were building. Luke had showed her the custody papers; April was now just as much his as he was Anna's. The insecurities that had accompanied that situation were now gone. When she had hugged April over and over again that night at the shower, April had told Lorelai how glad she was about the pregnancy and about the fact that she now got to be a part of this family. She looked at Luke, who was still admiring her belly, and ran her hand through his hair.

** center b Life was never what I wanted  
Never what I thought  
Until you came and turned it all around /center /b **

Rory. Lorelai had to shake her head at the thought of her daughter. The younger Lorelai never ceased to amaze her. Rory had been there for Lorelai immediately after the breakup. She had talked to both of them and done what she could to bring her mother and Luke back together. Tonight, Rory had been the glue for that shower, pulling everything together. Luke gave her full credit for its success. She was going to have to thank her daughter next time she saw her.

** center b Oh, you found the peace of me  
It was missing; it was broken  
You put soul into it  
Oh, you found the whole of me  
I was empty, now I'm better  
'Cause you pieced me back together /b /center **

The perfect curve of her stomach amazed him. Her body was perfect. She glowed. She radiated love from this center. Having missed out on so much already, Luke was trying to take her in, to absorb as much as he could before they had to venture back out into the real world again.

As he stroked her belly, he began to run his hands over other parts of her body, widening his sweep as he watched her luxuriate under his touch. He loved the feel of her skin. He began to dot her body with small kisses.

** center b Lying here with you  
Listening to the rain  
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face  
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life /b /center **

She pulled him up to her and found his lips as quickly as she could. He almost rested his body on hers, but recoiled when he realized that he would be lying on her stomach. She reassured him that what they were doing was fine, but he, nevertheless, pulled her onto her side so that he wouldn't squash the baby. Their kisses turned into a familiar rhythm as they began to shed clothing.

** center b I found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more /b /center **

Tangled up in sheets together, Lorelai laid her head on Luke's chest, feeling the motion of his chest and listening to his heartbeat. Luke ran his hand up and down Lorelai's arm and then moved on to running his fingers through her hair. For that moment, they were still. In that moment, they were whole.

(Lyrics: "Reflecting Light" Sam Phillps; "Lovers Rock" Sade; "Fallen" Lauren Wood; "Peace of Me" Natasha Bedingfield; "I Could Not Ask for More" Edwin McCain)

** b One more chapter to go! Chapter 10 will be the epilogue to this story and features a baby, a wedding, and more. Keep reading! /b **


	10. Chapter 10

b Chapter 10 – Epilogue /b 

i As summer wraps up, I have read many stories that are wrapping up as well, all ending the turmoil from season 6 with a wedding. So, if any of this seems similar to something else on this site, I apologize. I have read many excellent stories this summer and have been thrilled that I got to throw my two cents in.

I want to thank everyone who has read this story and reviewed, everyone who has had this bring a smile to their face, and everyone who is just a fan of Gilmore Girls. I can't tell you how much color this show has brought to my life. For someone who does not watch a lot of TV, that is saying something.

I am so glad that I got to spend part of my summer, in between teaching two classes and preparing to teach two more this fall, with Lorelai, Rory, Luke, the Gilmores, and the whole cast of characters that makes up Stars Hollow. I am hoping that the inspiration that gave birth to this opus will follow me into my non-GG fiction writing. /i 

The next morning, after her surprise baby shower, after her night with Luke, after finding out that the nightmare that had been the past few months was for all intents and purposes over, Lorelai Gilmore followed in her daughter's footsteps and made a list.

i Certainties in This Life:

That I love Luke Danes more than I could ever say.

That Luke Danes returns said love.

That we're both finally all in.

That this child is definitely Luke's (no coffee in months!).

That I have a fabulous, beautiful smart daughter and stepdaughter who are about to have a sibling who is just as beautiful and smart as they.

That life works everything out in spite of us. /i 

She wanted to add more about her parents, but, after the support and understanding they had expressed over the last few months, she had a hard time finding something critical to say at the moment. Perhaps, she thought, as life brought changes to her life, her parents would be among those changes. They would probably never be as close as she was with Rory, but they did not necessarily have to be her nemeses.

As she was making her list, pad resting on her belly, Luke roused next to her. His back was to her so he turned toward her as best he could, resting a hand on her leg.

"Morning," he mumbled.

"Morning," she returned, smiling at him.

Luke began to get up, heading toward the bathroom no doubt. As he walked by, he mumbled "Coffee?" at her.

i "No." /i she said, somewhat indignant about it.

Luke stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her, fully awake now. "Are you serious? You, Lorelai Gilmore, are turning down coffee. I figure you would be so full of caffeine by now that the kid would come out with two heads or something."

"Well, in reality, this is very much your child. He won't let me have any coffee. I've been drinking lots of tea recently. I've got a huge box of all kinds in the kitchen so help yourself."

Luke continued on to the bathroom while Lorelai continued looking at her list. As she waited for him to come out, she was hit with a sudden urge to use the bathroom herself and stood waiting outside the door, her legs crossed in an effort to hold the urge in.

Lorelai blew past Luke when he walked out of the bathroom, closing the door loudly behind her. Luke laughed and sat back down on the bed, lying back with sleep threatening to take him again. When he put his hand down, he felt the pad of paper that she had been writing on. He saw her list of certainties and smiled, seeing his name on there, seeing that she knew that he was all in and that she was as well. He knew that they still had much to talk about and work out, but this time they would do it and this time it would stick.

As she came out of the bathroom, he saw her, purple pajama pants and big Yale t-shirt. She tucked a bit of hair behind her ear and looked at him looking at her. "What?" she asked, brow knitted a tiny bit, a smile playing at her lips.

Luke stood up and took her by the waist, pulling her toward him in a way that left no doubt about his feelings for her. The kiss that followed woke the baby in her belly up and she felt him flip in her stomach. She gasped at the activity and put her hand on her stomach. Luke followed, his hand on her stomach as well. He swore that he could feel the baby move even though he had read that it wasn't yet possible. Hands clasped on top of her stomach, they kissed again.

** center b /b /center **

The amniocentesis results came in before Lorelai's next visit to Dr. Conway. She and Luke sat in the exam room, anxiously waiting for her to appear. Lorelai paced, then Luke, both cutting the same swath through the small room that Lorelai imagined other couples had done. Surprisingly, getting pregnant had not been that hard; it had been nearly effortless. What had not been so easy was being pregnant. Her age created more questions than ever, but the key to answering them all was the amniocentesis. At least, she hoped that was the case.

The doctor walked into looking totally relaxed which Lorelai took as a good sign. She sat down her usual rolling stool, Lorelai seated on the examining table and Luke in a chair by the door. He stood up and put his hand on Lorelai's when Dr. Conway mentioned the amnio results.

"Well, I've got the results from the amniocentesis we did on Lorelai here a couple of weeks ago. I know you two have been waiting anxiously to see if anything unusual is going on so I'm not going to drag this out any longer." Lorelai and Luke were both holding their breaths. Dr. Conway saw this and laughed. "Everything is fine. You two can breathe now."

Luke and Lorelai both smiled wanly at her, then hugged. Luke sat back down and took his hat off for a second to run a hand through his hair before putting it back on and turning his attention again to the doctor.

"Now, before I do another exam on Lorelai, do you two want to know the baby's sex? The amnio can tell us conclusively what you guys are having."

They looked at each other in questioning contemplation for a moment. They had already had this conversation before this particular visit. i Do we really want to know /i passed their lips several times. They discussed the advantages and disadvantages of knowing and not knowing. Decoration schemes, names, and more came to mind each time they discussed it. And each time they had decided that they had to know. After ten long years of dancing around each other, after two years of their up-and-down relationship, they both could not wait any longer to know what their love had brought.

"Yes," Lorelai said quietly. "We want to know."

"OK." Dr. Conway checked the results one more time to make sure she was giving them the right news. "It's a boy."

Lorelai gasped, a tear already escaping down her cheek. "William," she said, looking at Luke.

"William," Luke confirmed.

They left the office that day, Lorelai chattering excitedly over the knowledge that they would both now have one of each, a boy and a girl. Rory, April, and William, or Will, as they had decided to call him. Luke just let her talk, her face flushed with excitement, plans and questions fluttering rapidly from her lips. He watched her, answering when he needed to, but choosing this moment to take her in. He had almost lost her. i Correction, /i he thought, i we almost lost each other /i and now Will was going to be cement them together permanently. What a sweet way to celebrate a love that had been so long in coming. Luke, his arm around Lorelai's shoulders, kissed her on the cheek, prompting her to stop her nonstop chattering for a moment. Standing next to someone else's car, she leaned into kiss him. He playfully backed away for a second, but she reached out for him and pulled him closer to her, at least as close as the bump would let her.

"Will you just stand still?" she said smiling, those five words loaded with more meaning than anyone would ever know.

Luke stood still for the moment, his arms enveloping her and his lips meeting hers much as they did that night in front of the Dragonfly.

In her womb, Lorelai could feel William Lucas Gilmore Danes doing cartwheels.

** center b /b /center **

The months between their reconciliation and Will's anticipated birth seemed to fly by for both Luke and Lorelai. As she grew bigger, Lorelai began to plan how the Dragonfly would run without her for those first few weeks after the baby arrived. Luke did the same, contemplating hiring another person temporarily so he could be away from the diner as much as he needed to be. At the same time, he was trying to figure out what to do about their living situation. They couldn't stay in her townhouse; Lorelai wanted to move back to Stars Hollow, but, with her old house sold, they were both looking for new digs for the two of them, plus the baby, Rory, and April.

Lorelai's second baby shower, this one thrown by her mother for all of her socialite friends, solved that problem for them. The last two gifts both solved problems, actually. Emily handed Lorelai a small box, which her daughter promptly shook, trying to guess what was in it. To her surprise, she found two sets of car keys in there and the whole crowd of women, led by Emily and Lorelai, walked out into the Gilmore's driveway to find a new SUV sitting in the driveway. It was midnight blue, could hold up to five people, and had a big cargo area. Lorelai started to protest the gift saying it was too much, but accepted it after being told that Luke, Rory, and her parents were all involved in the selection of the vehicle. Lorelai knew that if Luke and Rory were in on it, then it must be all right.

The last gift that she got was from her daughter. April handed it to Lorelai with a big smile on her face and Lorelai giggled at the sight of both Rory and April sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for her to unwrap the box.

What she found was a framed picture of the Crap Shack. Lorelai's face dropped a bit in sadness at the thought that the house was no longer hers. She figured the picture was just a memento.

"Turn it over." Rory told her.

On the flipside, she found an envelope. In it was the deed to the Crap Shack. Lorelai's jaw dropped.

"What is this?"

"The house is yours, Mom. All yours, lock, stock, and barrel."

"How? How did you do this?"

"Let's just say it's a baby gift from me and Logan."

Lorelai stood up and hugged Rory tightly. "You shouldn't have done this," she whispered in her daughter's ear.

"But I needed it and so did you. I grew up there and now my little brother will too. It's the least I could do for him."

Lorelai, for once in her life, was struck speechless by the generosity of both her mother and her daughter.

** center b /b /center **

About two months before Lorelai's due date, she and Luke found themselves at the hospital, waiting for Liz to deliver hers and TJ's first child. After a breezy delivery, helped along by an epidural for Liz and some smelling salts for TJ, Genevieve was born.

Luke and Lorelai stood in the room with a groggy Liz and a moaning TJ, holding the baby and marveling at the miracle of it all.

"She's so perfect." Lorelai said as she watched Luke hold her.

"You bet your ass she is," TJ chimed in from the chair next to Liz's bed. He then moaned again because talking apparently made his head hurt.

"This is just amazing. I'm so glad we were here for this." Luke said, enamored of his niece. He was quietly holding her hand and swaying back and forth with her.

Lorelai recognized the silence. "Wishing you had had this with April."

"Yeah, just a bit. I know I can't have that time back, but it still hurts to think about what I missed with her."

"You have her now. You have this one on the way."

"Yeah, I know. For that, I'm glad." Luke kissed Lorelai on the cheek and then handed baby Genevieve over to her.

Lorelai cradled her future niece in her arms and began to tell her all about her cousin, who would be joining her soon. Luke walked over to Liz and took her hand.

"You did good, sis."

"So did you. You looked like a natural holding her."

"Well, it kinda comes naturally now. I just want to take her in as much as I can."

"Yeah, I know. Just think, though, if you feel that way about her, imagine how you will feel about your own."

Liz and Luke watched Lorelai, who paced about the room still talking to the baby.

"You guys are going to be awesome parents."

"I can't wait. I never imagined this would happen to me."

"I knew it would. You just needed some time to figure things out and find the right girl."

"I've got her, that's for sure."

Liz punched him in the arm. "You better keep her too."

"Don't worry, I will. We're not going anywhere."

"Good."

When Jess arrived later, Luke and Lorelai left the little family with promises to return the next day. They drove home together in companionable silence, each contemplating the changes their own new little life would bring.

** center b /b /center **

In her ninth month, when everyone around her was freezing their tails off, Lorelai laid in bed absolutely sweltering. Luke had taken to wearing a heavy sweatshirt over his t-shirt to ward off the cold that the open windows in their bedroom brought. Lorelai was wearing a t-shirt and only had a thin layer of sheet and quilt draped over her in bed while Luke had folded two quilts in half over his side. In addition to being hot, her abdomen was feeling tight and uncomfortable. Lorelai sighed as she lay in bed, waiting for sleep that just wouldn't come.

Luke, however, was pretending to sleep tonight. He had checked the weather forecast for that night from all of the local news stations as well as the weather sites just to make sure that the skies would be clear and tonight would be a full moon. He knew that Lorelai would be awake as she had been these last couple of nights so he decided to make tonight special for her.

She had gone to see Dr. Conway the day before and, though, she was a week shy of her due date, Lorelai was already three centimeters with Will sitting low in her pelvis. The doctor pronounced them both ready to go virtually anytime now. After the doctor's visit, Lorelai had taken on a look of patient misery. She was trying so hard to enjoy this experience, realizing that this could be the last time she was pregnant, but it was difficult for her not to feel or look miserable with seven pounds of baby sitting on her bladder and pelvis. She was hot, she was cranky, and damn she missed coffee, something she reminded Luke about at least six times a day. Luke could only squeeze her hand or give her a hug, knowing that there really was not a whole lot he could do about her situation except be ready when she said it was time.

Tonight, though, he was determined to take her mind off of everything and he thought he had the perfect way to do that. He sensed her restless in the bed next to him and rolled over to face her.

"Restless?"

"I can't sleep," she moaned, her eyes still closed, but a grimace splayed across her face. She opened her eyes and cupped her hands around her stomach. "This kid, he's pressing down on me. I can feel him. It's like he's ready to dive out of me, his hands resting on my cervix. Any second now, he's going to come bursting out of my body, do three flips and land gracefully in front of us."

Luke sort of grimaced at Lorelai's description, wishing that she didn't feel the need to be so graphic. Despite himself, he was finding it hard to reconcile the idea of where the baby was going to emerge from with the previous meaning of that area of her body. He was afraid if he thought about it too hard, he might not be able to go there ever again and Lorelai would be unhappy about that. "Why don't we go downstairs and watch a movie or something? Maybe that will help you relax and go to sleep."

"The relaxing sounds good, but I'm not sure about the sleeping. I have the feeling that I won't be doing much of that tonight."

Luke helped Lorelai out of her bed, pulling her up when her muscles couldn't bring her all the way to standing. Though she didn't look nine months pregnant and kept a mostly svelte figure despite her pregnancy, Luke watched her waddle out of the bedroom and down the stairs. He closed the windows behind her, still shivering from the cold air rushing in.

When Luke came downstairs, he found Lorelai standing in the doorway of Rory's empty room. "What are you doing?"

"I remember when Rory and I moved in here. I was so happy that I could finally make a home for my child. It was something I had been looking forward to doing since I held her in my arms for the first time."

Luke smiled. "You did a great job making a life for her. We will do the same for this baby."

"Hmm, I'm sure. I just can't believe this is happening. It seems like we just moved in here and now Rory is practically on her own and I am having another child finally."

"I'm glad that she had the forethought to hold onto this place for you. She knew how much it would mean for you to have this baby in this house."

"Me too." Lorelai sighed and then started toward the living room. "What movie should we watch?"

Luke took her hand and led her toward the front door. "Why don't we sit outside?"

"But it's freezing."

"So?"

"Well, you are already cold from the windows being open in our bedroom. Are you sure you want to go outside and get colder?"

"That's what they make coats for." Luke pulled Lorelai's coat down and helped her slide it on. He then put his own old green military jacket on along with the fingerless gloves and opened the door for her.

Gingerly, Lorelai sat down on the front steps. The pressure on her pelvis/bottom area made it hard to sit for long but getting up was harder so she had to be careful sitting down in the hopes that she could sit for awhile without discomfort or pain. Luke sat next to her, his arm around her to keep her warm. Really, she was keeping him warm more than he was doing that for her, but she was gratified for the close contact. He kissed her lightly on the lips and then looked up at the sky.

"Wow, the full moon is beautiful." Lorelai said. The moon seemed to shine brighter in the cold air, as if the freezing temperatures crystallized the air, magnifying the moonlight. The stars twinkled the same way and Lorelai smiled, wondering how long it would before she would get to enjoy a night like this again.

Luke was quiet next to her and she turned to him to point out the full moon and their chances of enjoying another one for awhile. When she looked at him, he was grinning from ear to ear at her, a rare sight for him. Luke never smiled like that, his whole face caught up in the exercise of it. She had only seen that a few times, usually associated with April or herself and Rory.

"What?" She got shy all of a sudden just looking at him smile like that at her. "Why are you smiling?"

She noticed that his left hand was sitting out of sight and watched him bring it into view. In his hand was a ring box and Lorelai's jaw dropped.

They had talked about this over the last few months. After the ultimatum and all of the turmoil that had accompanied that time, April's running away, Lorelai's move, the pregnancy, they had decided that they still wanted to get married, but admitted that setting a time table for that was something that might put more pressure on them than they needed. Will's impending birth was enough upheaval. They were not quite sure how that would go so perhaps getting married was something best saved for when life quieted down and they could concentrate on being themselves again. So imagine Lorelai's surprise when she saw Luke holding a ring box and opening it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

"Oh my—" she said, a hand covering her mouth.

"You know, we have been through a lot these past ten years or so. You ran an inn, lost it, and then worked to build a new one and made it one of the best in Connecticut. You almost got married once and then went through several other relationships before coming into this one. I had one old girlfriend leave me, another one tell me that I was a father of a child I had no idea about, and married a woman I barely knew. You had the child you had at sixteen grow up and go out on her own, watching her make mistakes along the way. I took in my troubled nephew and then discovered a daughter that I never knew I had and had to get to know her and make her a part of my family. With me through all of it was you. We have had our rough patches. God knows we have caused each other enough pain and heartache to last a lifetime, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You are my one, Lorelai Gilmore, and I would be honored if you would be my wife."

Tears formed around her eyes, but she held them back as Luke slid the ring on her finger. It was not the original ring; they had discussed what to do with that one and Lorelai left it up to Luke as to its fate. Instead he had put the value of the original ring toward the price of this one. It was an emerald cut diamond set in an ornate antique pattern. The diamond rested in a crown type setting, with smaller diamonds running down the sides. The band was engraved with a Celtic-type pattern. She nodded yes as he slid it on.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Yes," she managed weakly, swallowing a sob. She admired the ring again and again, looking at Luke in between. She looked around for a second and then looked him in the eye. "I really wish I had something wonderful to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything. You've already said yes."

"For the second time."

"Yes," Luke laughed. "For the second time."

Lorelai took his gloved hand and looked at him solemnly. "I wish that I had paid attention to my feelings and yours earlier so that we could have done this earlier. But," she stopped Luke, who was about to respond, "I'm glad that it has happened this way. You have given me more than I could ever have asked for. I am honored to be your wife."

They kissed again, this time deeper and longer. Lorelai felt warm from her head to her toes as their tongues continued to dance. Suddenly she realized that the warmth she felt was more than just what Luke's kiss could bring. She felt something warm and wet between her legs and she gasped.

"Luke! I think my water just broke!"

Luke's eyes widened and he jumped up. "What?" he looked at her in a panic. "Your water broke? We need to get our bags. And I need to warm the car up. I need to call Rory and Sookie. And then we should call the doctor."

"Luke!" Lorelai looked up at him. She found herself unable to stand up on her own. The contractions had not started yet, but the pressure of the baby on her lower body was enormous. Luke shook his head and smiled an apology, reaching out his hands to help her up. Once inside, he began to scramble around the house as Lorelai stood in the doorway, breathing through the contractions that had started as soon as her water had broken. She watched him in strained amusement, listening to Luke's slightly panicked spoken reminders to himself about what needed to be done before they could go.

By the time they were on their way, Luke had warmed up their car and thrown their luggage in the back; called Sookie and Rory, who were to meet them at the hospital; called Dr. Conway, who would be in within the hour; called Babette, who was to alert the town to the impending birth and take care of Paul Anka; and woke Lane up from a sound sleep to ask her to open the diner. He would call the Gilmores and Liz and TJ as soon as they were settled in at the hospital.

Lorelai tried to relay her thanks to Luke for his efforts, but found herself breathing through ever quickening contractions, remembering what twenty-two years of distance had allowed her to forget. Luke saw the wildness in her blue eyes and whipped the car out of the driveway and onto the road toward the hospital.

** center b /b /center **

With Will asleep finally, the two exhausted new parents sat on the Crap Shack's front steps, their bedroom window wide open and baby monitor next to them so they could listen for the belting cries from their son. Lorelai crossed her fingers that he would stay asleep. Putting her hand on Luke's leg, she wished once again that his mother was here so that she could ask her questions about the baby that Luke was. After an exhausting conversation with her mother about herself as a baby, she had finally come to the conclusion that Will was virtually a clone of Luke because the child was nothing like Lorelai. Luke saw her deep in thought and smiled. "He is your child too, ya know."

"So you say, but after talking to my mother about me as a baby, I'm thinking this kid is all you."

"He's three days old, Lorelai. We have no idea if he is really like this or if he is still adjusting to this life. He's been cooped up in your body for the last nine months."

"Regardless, I'm just thrilled that I can enjoy a cup of coffee again. The moment that hot black liquid hit my lips was about as heavenly as the epidural I had giving birth."

Luke just rolled his eyes. "Just enjoy it because I'm putting you on decaf tomorrow."

"No, you're not. The doctor said that I can have caffeine as long as I drink it after I nurse rather than before."

Luke leaned over to her and whispered, "We'll see." Lorelai punched him in the shoulder and he caught her arm before she punched him again and pulled her closer to him. With his arm around her waist, she snuggled up closer to him and smiled. She shivered and pulled her jacket tighter around her.

"It's cold."

"Yes, it is, but it feels nice to be outside after being cooped up in that hospital for the last couple of days."

"True, true." Lorelai touched his face, which was cool beneath her fingertips. "You did great, Luke. You were everything I needed to make it through giving birth and relearning breastfeeding."

"Oh, man, Lorelai, I can't tell you how unbelievable an experience it was. It was just amazing to see that, to hold him. You did such a good job. You were just so patient with everything that was going on. I think you calmed me down, amazingly enough."

"Well, there was that moment with the Epilady comment."

"Did you have to say that to the male nurse?"

"He seemed to take it in stride. I had to do something to remind me of Rory's birth."

"Lorelai, you asked him if you could use an Epilady on him. Aside from the fact that I'm not sure whether or not those are still around, he freaked me out when he started talking about the bikini wax that he gets every month."

"Yeah, I'm sure we could have done without that knowledge."

A tittering from the baby monitor quieted the conversation for a second. When nothing followed, they both breathed a sigh of relief, continuing their quiet moments on the front steps.

"Hey, do you remember when Sookie and Jackson had their first date and you asked me to marry you?" A smile played at Lorelai's lips.

"What? Where is this coming from?"

"I've been thinking about you and me these last couple of days, you know with the proposal and giving birth and all. So much has happened between you and me and Will is the culmination of that. I just thought I would ask about this since I have been wondering about it."

Luke dropped his head for a second and smiled shyly. "To answer your question then, yes, I do remember that."

"Were you serious when you said that?"

Luke scrunched up his face and then looked at Lorelai. "Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"We were playing poker and watching the beginning of Sookie and Jackson's relationship. I got sentimental for a moment and let my feelings outrun my inhibitions for a moment."

"Just for a moment?"

"Just for a moment. I meant it, though, in a way. There was something on your face even then that told me that something was there, but I couldn't allow myself the chance to try."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. Perhaps I was still protecting myself after everything with Rachel. Perhaps I needed to go through what happened with both Rachel and Nicole to appreciate who you are. At the time, though, I just played it as a joke because I could tell it wasn't the right moment."

Lorelai kissed him and then ran her hands through his capless hair. "As much as I am sorry that we caused ourselves so much heartache over the years, I think you're right. I think we needed to have those experiences to make us appreciate each other." She shook her head. "God, I sound like one of your books."

"My books?"

"Yes, your books. I saw that you still have them."

Luke blushed. "You know, I can't get rid of them. Look what I gained after reading them." He touched her chin and then buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. "What about you? What were you going to say when the Reverend walked in on us breaking the bells?"

"I remember that. I remember the look on your face. You were challenging me and I wasn't sure what to say. I knew that I felt something I had not before, but I just could not put it into words."

"Could you now?"

"Yes, I think I could. You bring it out in me, Luke. You have taught me about expressing myself. With the number of words that come out of my mouth in a day, you would think that something substantial would be in there. You could see through it, though, whenever I was covering something up. You knew and that made me have to say what was on my mind finally."

"Some of the time."

"Yes, granted, there have been times in these last couple of years when I did not talk as much as I should have, but, for the most part, I have you to thank for changing my life the way you have."

"You are welcome." As he kissed, really kissed her, which warmed her up in all sorts of ways, another sound emanated from the baby monitor. Both broke the kiss instantly, staring in anticipation at the monitor's speaker. Another coo and everything went quiet. Lorelai yawned and laid her head on Luke's shoulder.

"I am amazed at how someone who weighs less than eight pounds can bring two adults to a standstill with just a small sound."

"It's worse when we try to sleep. Every little noise and my eyes are open and I'm up looking at him."

"You must be getting up and looking at him when I'm not. I do that, but, when I do, it seems like you're asleep."

"That's because I've just gotten to sleep when you wake up."

"Oh, I see. So he's got you whooped."

"He has me whooped."

"He has me whooped too, you realize."

"Yes, I do."

"But I was whooped when he was merely weeks old in my body. You, however, are a recent convert."

"I take my whooping gladly."

"As do I."

Luke yawned. Lorelai shivered. "Let's go to bed."

"Shall we?"

Quietly they crawled into bed, the bassinette merely five feet from them. They slid into the cold covers, clinging to each other for warmth. Each reveled in the heat of the other as they quickly fell asleep, the happy exhaustion of parenthood driving them there.

** center b /b /center **

Luke roused from sleep reluctantly, soft whispers and tiny baby sounds greeting his ears. When he allowed one eye to open, he saw that the light of early morning played at the windows, shades of pink, orange, and purple framing the idyllic image of Lorelai nursing their son.

Her eyes shone with sleep, heavy lidded but happy. Luke looked at her with his own heavy lidded eyes and smiled slightly. She met it with one of her own.

"What time is it?"

"It's about five-thirty."

"Is this the first time you've fed him all night?"

"No, wouldn't that have been nice. I got up with him about midnight and then two-thirty."

"I don't remember you getting up."

"That's because I'm stealthy. I got him before he could make too much noise and wake you."

"Lorelai, you gotta let me get up with you sometimes. It's not fair for me to get sleep when you can't."

"Luke, I am the milk truck. While I appreciate the offer, you can't quite do my job. I will start pumping soon and you can feed him with what I have stored. That way, we can take turns."

"OK." Luke groaned into his pillow, but then looked up at her again. "You look beautiful."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Sure, I do. I'm bloated from being pregnant, I haven't slept much in the last four days, and I can't remember the last time I brushed my hair."

Luke got up and managed to shuffle toward her. He kissed her on the top of her head. "Well, I think you're gorgeous sitting here feeding our son." His fingertips brushed the soft hair on Will's head. "He's pretty special too."

"Yes, he is." Lorelai echoed Luke's love, brushing the baby's face with her fingers.

"I'm going downstairs to make breakfast." Luke kissed her again and started shuffling toward the door.

"Now? Don't you want to go back to sleep?"

"Coffee is involved as well."

"OK, please go make breakfast. I will see you downstairs soon."

About fifteen minutes later, the smell of bacon and eggs drew Lorelai toward the kitchen. She shuffled in, babyless, and saw the slightly disappointed look on Luke's face when she came down without their son. She knew that look had nothing to do with her, but came from the desire to stare at the baby for hours on end. She kissed Luke, murmuring appreciations for the yummy food and coffee smells that brought her down. She poured herself the one cup of coffee she could have that morning. She sat down with the coffee, the slight smile of satisfaction on her face as she brought the cup to her lips. Luke knew that smile; he had seen it when they were wrapped up in bed together, that smile playing at her lips whenever he was about to do something she liked.

"How's the coffee?"

"If I say orgasmic, will you be offended?"

"Concerned maybe, offended no. I know how in love with coffee you are."

"It's not love so much as vital codependency."

Luke laughed and scooped eggs and bacon onto Lorelai's plate and then his own. He sat down and picked up his fork, ready to dive into the food when he saw Lorelai's hand wrap around his wrist.

"Thank you for the breakfast, hon. It looks and smells delicious."

"You're welcome. You need it and I need it. We're going to need to fortify ourselves for today."

Lorelai laughed. "Has the seven pound wonder gotten to ya already?"

"I never knew I could be this tired. My respect and esteem for you moms has increased at least tenfold since we brought him home. I don't know how you did this with Rory when you were just a teenager."

"You do it because you have to, but also, you will discover, that you want to, despite the exhaustion."

The pause afforded Luke a chance to bring something up that he had been thinking about since they had brought Will home. After they had reconciled during the summer, he had virtually moved into the townhouse with Lorelai as she contemplated what to do next. She wanted to move back to Stars Hollow, but her house had sold and she was going to have to find a new one. Rory's surprise gift of the Crap Shack had solved that problem, but now that they had brought Will home, he realized that they needed even more room than the original renovation had created. He knew that Lorelai would want to keep Rory's room her own so that she would have a place to stay when she came to visit. But when April had come to stay with them overnight a couple of times, she had had to sleep in Rory's room because that was the only place she could be. Now that they had Will, between the two of them they had three children, but the house had only two bedrooms and one bathroom. Will would stay in their room for now, but he would need to be in his own room soon and they hadn't the room for that. Luke had an idea about what to do next, but he wasn't sure what Lorelai would think about it.

"You know, I've been thinking about our living situation."

"Living situation?"

"Well, between you and me, we now have three kids. This house has two bedrooms and one bath. Though Rory doesn't live here, I know you will want to keep her room the way it is. She doesn't live here so April can sleep in there when she stays over, but I'm sure she would like to have her own room here. Will can't sleep in our room forever so we're going to need a room for him. Plus we'll need a second and maybe a third bathroom. Perhaps an extra room could serve as your sewing room instead of the attic…"

"What are you thinking about doing?"

"I was thinking about adding on to this house. It's built well enough where it could withstand an addition."

"But if we add on that way," Lorelai pointed toward the living room. "We could run into Morey and Babette's property. If we expand that way," she pointed toward the garage, "then we'll have to move the garage."

"We could expand that way," Luke pointed toward the backyard. "We would have to move the washer and dryer temporarily, but it can be done. I could have an architect draw up some plans."

"Or," Lorelai grinned deliciously. "We could just buy a new house."

"You would do that? What about this place?"

"Well, we could sell it or we could rent it. I'm sure that Lane and Zach would love to have all of this room."

Luke shook his head. "I can't imagine doing that. Let's just expand it. It might be inconvenient for a while, but it will be worth it."

"Why, Luke Danes, look who's attached to the Crap Shack now!" Lorelai referring to her desire the year before to stay in her house and make it theirs.

"I don't know. It's like the apartment. So much happened in that apartment over the diner that I can't bear the thought of someone else living in there. That was where many of our milestones occurred. Same thing here. How many times did I come here to fix your railing or work on your oven? I proposed to you out there on the front porch. You went into labor on that same spot. Rory grew up here. You have watched countless bad movies and TV shows on that couch. This house is like a scrapbook of our lives. It's totally yours now. You have no mortgage. Whatever money we would have put into paying that, we can now use to add on here. What do you think?"

Lorelai bit thoughtfully into a piece of bacon, watching Luke the whole time. He was waiting for her answer, the anticipation evident on his face. Lorelai looked around the kitchen and, behind her eyes, she could see the many times they had been together in this kitchen. The dream she had had where they were together and expecting twins. The dinner she had organized for Jess his first night in Stars Hollow. The countless nights she watched Luke hover over her stove, cooking a meal for them. She tried to imagine where they could put at least three more rooms, but knew that was a quest best left to an architect. Lorelai really began her life here with Rory. This was their own place. It wasn't a mansion in Hartford or a potting shed behind the Independence Inn. It was their home. Now it was not just hers or Rory's, but Will's and Luke's as well. As the baby began to wail through the baby monitor, Lorelai looked at Luke and said "Let's do it."

Luke smiled, kissed her on the cheek, and bounded up the stairs. Moments later, he came down cradling Will in his arms, handing him off to Lorelai, who sat at the table feeding their son while she and Luke continued to discuss expanding their home.

** center b /b /center **

The night before the wedding, Luke awoke from his restless sleep to find Lorelai's side of the bed empty. He called out for her, but heard no response. He grumbled out of bed and walked stiffly toward the stairs.

Downstairs, he found her standing in the new rooms they were adding to the house. In the few short months since they had decided to add on, four new rooms had been added to the back of the house. The builders had cut a hallway from the living room to the new rooms in the back, a hallway that ran next to the stairs. The hall then turned left in an L shape. The first room was Will's bedroom, the next was April's; in between both was a bathroom that could be accessed from the hall or the two bedrooms. On the very end was a large room that was going to be Lorelai's sewing room/office/playroom for Will. The rooms were almost done, still needing finishing touches on the walls and lacking flooring, paint, and light fixtures. Lorelai and Luke had finally compromised on Will's décor, going for a funky pattern with reds, blues, and greens and accent pieces with planes, trains, boats, and cars. April was in her full-blown teenage girl mode, with berries and purples picked out for her room. Rory was helping Luke and Lorelai select office furniture and computers for their new office. Out of sight was the expanded garage, to which they had added a large room so that Luke would have more workshop space for finishing the boat and doing the woodwork he promised Lorelai he would do more of.

When Luke put his hands on Lorelai's shoulders, she turned toward him. "I can't wait for all of this to be done. We will have the house we really wanted for the family we really wanted."

"Yeah. I think it was a good decision to add on to this house rather than buying a new one. I can't imagine living anywhere else."

"Me either." Lorelai walked down the hall, peeking into each room. Luke followed her, doing the same. "Just imagine. In a few hours, this place will be bustling with activity."

"I won't get to see it. I'm relegated to the apartment above the diner, remember?"

Lorelai smiled and put her arms around his waist. "Only for good measure. It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding."

"We're having pictures made before that, remember?"

"OK, then it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before pictures."

"I'm surprised that no one insisted that I stay in the apartment tonight."

"My mother started to, but I told her that April and Rory were staying here tonight so we wanted this to be a family night."

"Thank you for that. It was nice to have some time with the girls and Will before tomorrow."

"Especially after the rehearsal dinner. I don't think that I got to eat much of anything that Sookie made for us tonight. I had way too many people asking me questions and playing with Will."

"Actually, I had Sookie make you up a thing of leftovers so that you can have them tomorrow for lunch if you got hungry."

Lorelai kissed him on the cheek as a thank-you for that, but sighed. "Unfortunately, I'm into sure if I will be able to eat anything tomorrow. I have to fit into that dress, you know."

"You're the same size you were when you got pregnant. Looking at you, no one would have thought you had a baby eight months ago."

"Yes, but wedding dresses and their undergarments are not so forgiving."

They both turned when they heard shuffling from the living room. Rory and April, who looked surprisingly wide awake, stood there, both with arms crossed. "Go to bed, you two!" Rory said.

Luke and Lorelai looked sheepishly at their daughters. "Sorr-ee," Lorelai said as she and Luke walked up to the girls. Rory and April hugged both of them again and then shook their fingers at them. "Go to bed," April echoed Rory's earlier admonishment. They watched Luke and Lorelai creep up the stairs toward their bedroom. Lorelai heard Rory's 'Sheesh' as the girls walked back to Rory's bedroom.

"We're a family," she whispered as she continued climbing up to their bedroom, sliding silently between the covers with Luke so they would not awaken a sleeping Will.

** center b /b /center **

"Oh, no, don't even think about it!"

Rory ran over to Lorelai, tissue in hand, and began to blot around Lorelai's eyes. "We said no tears yet, remember?"

Lorelai smiled and breathed in deeply a couple of times. "I know, but I can't help it. If I stop for just a second and think about today, I just get all choked up."

Rory sighed and put a hand on her mother's shoulder. "Mom, this is so unlike you. I don't think you got this emotional when you dropped me off at Yale for the first time."

"Rory, I just gave birth. I'm still hormonal."

"You gave birth eight months ago! That excuse does not fly anymore!"

"All right, all right. I'll try not to cry anymore today. So if you see me walking around, my arms flailing madly, it's because I'm not crying."

"OK, not crying." Rory pointed at her mother.

"Not crying."

Just then April burst into the living room and ran up to Lorelai, throwing her arms around her future stepmother's midsection. That prompted more tears from Lorelai, to which Rory just threw up her arms.

"Lorelai, I'm so excited!"

Lorelai looked at her future stepdaughter and smiled through the tears that she was wiping away carefully. She gave April another hug. "So am I, kiddo. So am I."

Just then Emily Gilmore arrived with a crew of beauty experts behind her.

"Lorelai, where can we set up? We need to get all of us ready and we will need plenty of space for that."

"What? Mom, who are all of these people?"

Rory tapped Lorelai on the shoulder. "Oh, yeah, by the way, Grandma is coming with a herd of beauty professionals to help us get ready."

"Rory, you have to tell Mommy these things."

"Sorry, with everything going on this week, it kind of slipped my mind."

"Lorelai," Emily was starting to get impatient. "Where can we set up? We don't have all day and pictures are in a few hours!"

"Mom, how nice that you guys are here. You know we had appointments with my hairdresser in town and then we were going to do our own makeup later."

"Lorelai, today is your wedding day. You cannot go to just any dresser. Neither should you do your own makeup. Jacques, Kellie, Nadine, and Tory are here to help all of us. Now just point them in the right direction and we can get started."

Lorelai sighed and scrunched up her face, realizing that she really didn't want to argue with her mother on her wedding day. "Thanks, Mom. I appreciate this."

"It's my pleasure. My daughter only gets married once," Emily's smile stiffened. "I hope."

Rory ducked in between her mother and her grandmother to deflect her mother's reaction to her grandmother's statement. "Grandma, let me show you where the bathroom is. The new rooms are not finished yet so we will have to work upstairs."

Rory showed her grandmother around the house, suggesting rooms to set up in. The hairdresser and makeup artist took over the bathroom and the bridesmaids' dresser took over Rory's bedroom while Lorelai's own dresser took over the master bedroom.

After settling her crew in, Emily found Lorelai sipping coffee in the kitchen. "Where's the baby?"

"Wow, Mom. Feel the love. Are you just so excited about today?" Lorelai fluttered her eyelashes over the cup of coffee.

"Of course, I'm excited. You're getting married today! I want to see my grandson first."

"Will's asleep in his unfinished room right now. I'm hoping he'll sleep for a couple of more hours while we get ready. I want him to stay happy through pictures and the ceremony. I'll probably give him to Babette during the reception so she can put him to bed."

"As long as I get to have a dance with my grandson before he goes to bed, I'm happy." Emily smiled, reveling in the excitement of being the mother of the bride as well as a new grandmother.

"OK, Mom, I'm sure you will get that in, among the many other things that will be happening today."

As Emily smiled her way out of the kitchen, Sookie burst in the front door, squealing. She found Lorelai in the kitchen, smooshing her in a big hug. Lorelai put her coffee down and squealed along with Sookie. "You're getting married today!"

"I know! I'm so excited!"

The two friends were then joined by April and Rory, who had both been working with the hairdresser. Compliments flew as Sookie and Lorelai admired the girls' hairstyles. As they continued to squeal and coo over each other, Emily came in and grabbed both Lorelai and Sookie by the arms, dragging them up the stairs to the hairdresser's waiting chairs.

** center b /b /center **

Above the diner, Luke tried tying the white tie again, but found himself suddenly ignorant of how to tie a tie. He threw his hands up in frustration. "I'm all thumbs today. I'm never going to get this thing tied."

"Here, let me." Jess walked up to Luke, who turned toward his nephew. Luke tried to stand still patiently while Jess worked on the tie, but found fidgeting even more.

"Luke, you have to stand still or else this tie will instead become a noose."

"I know, I know. I'm just finding it hard to stay still at all. I don't know what my problem is."

"You're getting married. You're excited. It's understandable. Now, if you can swing it, can you hold still about thirty seconds longer so we can move a few steps closer to getting you married?"

"Yeah, I think I can do that."

While Jess was working, he looked up at his uncle. "You two are going to have a great life together."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. She changes you. Not in a bad way, but she does bring out something in you that few things can. You smile more, you laugh more. I've seen it." Jess finished the tie and tucked it into Luke's vest. "This is a good thing, Luke. A very good thing."

"Thanks, Jess." Luke found himself unable to say more.

"Of course, now I'm going to find it weird to think that I dated my stepcousin." Jess said, a smile playing at his lips.

Luke laughed. "Just think what it would be like if you two were still an item."

As Jess contemplated Luke's comment, TJ burst in, already dressed and ready to go. "You know, Luke, air pants would have been a better choice. I'm sweating in this penguin suit."

"Sorry to disappoint you, TJ. I vetoed tights early in the planning process."

"Ah, you're missin' out. They're so comfortable."

Jess and Luke rolled their eyes. "What time is it?" Luke asked.

"It's about 1:30."

Luke walked over to the window and saw the crew of volunteers from Miss Patty's studio were busy setting up everything in the town square. They were nearly done, which was a good thing because pictures were set to start in half an hour.

"Nervous?" Jess asked.

"Me. I'm not nervous. I've been waiting for this moment for quite some time now. I'm just ready for it."

"Two and a half hours until I do." TJ said in sing-song. "Want to split? I got my truck downstairs ready to go."

Luke looked at TJ in annoyance. "No, TJ. I'm planning on staying." He turned to Jess. "All right. Let's find the photographer and start rounding up people for pictures."

Jess patted Luke on the shoulder as the three men descended the stairs towards a closed Luke's Diner and the wedding scene outside.

** center b /b /center **

Milling around in the square were the stuff of families, both blood-related and friendship-formed. Jackson played with Martha and Davey while Sookie looked on, careful not to let her rambunctious children soil her dress. Rory and April stood with Richard, who was chatting with the girls about a new book that he was reading. Logan stood hand in hand with Rory, but was having a different conversation with TJ, Luke, and Jess, who had learned to tolerate Logan, though he still looked at Logan with suspicion as he felt he would always do with whoever Rory was with. Emily stood holding her grandson next to Liz with Genevieve while Miss Patty and Babette cooed over the dark, curly haired doll and sweet blonde-haired angel while regaling the mother of the bride and sister of the groom with town gossip. Around them buzzed a photographer, shooting candids as they all patiently waited for the last piece of puzzle to fall into place.

In addition to the herd of beauty professionals Emily had hired for the day, the Gilmores had contributed a horse-drawn carriage to the wedding festivities. The carriage would bring Lorelai to the ceremony area and then provide rides around Stars Hollow for guests during the reception. The assembled crowd heard the clip-clip of hooves and turned to see the bride, radiant in her veil and gown, pull up to the curb. The driver climbed down from his seat and helped Lorelai out of the carriage. In her hand was her bouquet. Her eyes sparkled and she glowed with the same happiness that propelled Luke through the crowd toward his bride.

He greeted her first, the crowd content to step back and watch the moment unfold between them. Carefully, their lips touched and his arms snaked around her, trying so hard not to muss lipstick or pull on her veil. She wore a beautiful A-line sheath, with a sash the same copper color as her bridesmaids' dresses around the waist and trailing behind her like a train. At the end of the sash were embroidered the same tree that was on Will's crib, a feat arranged by Emily's seamstress. In her hands, she held a bouquet of Gerbera daises, the reds, oranges, and golds matching the fall colors they had selected for their fall wedding. Her hair rained down in soft curls with the sides gathered up just enough to provide support for the veil that cascaded down her back. Luke tried to take her in, knowing that he would relive this moment in his head for many years to come and could only manage, "Perfect."

Lorelai smiled and kissed him again, waving one hand furiously afterward, trying so very hard not to cry. Luke had never looked more handsome or regal than at that moment. Clad in his tuxedo, white vest, white tie, and patent leather shoes, he was everything she had imagined he would be. She touched his cheek and whispered, "Handsome," a word he greeted with an even bigger smile. He kissed her hand, took her arm, and led her toward the awaiting crowd.

Will shrieked gleefully when he saw his mother. She kissed him and Genevieve and then exchanged hugs with everyone there. To her surprise, her parents stood to the side of everyone, both looking teary-eyed and awed by the sight of their daughter. She hugged them both and then kissed her father on the cheek. He stammered something about how beautiful she looked and she thanked him. Her mother, always one with a ready tongue, simply held her daughter's hands and gave her a gentle hug, complimenting her on how wonderful she looked. Lorelai just basked in it all and as she took Luke's hand, as the photographer began to corral them all into position for pictures, Lorelai could not help feeling as if her life were finally complete.

** center b /b /center **

Every year, the changing of the leaves in New England is always accompanied by the influx of tourists there to observe Mother Nature's change of cloak. Stars Hollow was no exception. In fact, the Dragonfly Inn had become a staple for some leafers, as they made its homey charm a part of their yearly ritual. When some of the guests heard about the wedding of one of the Dragonfly's owners and the local diner's proprietor, they made a point of walking through the town about four o'clock so that they could catch a glimpse of the festivities.

Anyone walked around the town square at that moment on October 20th would have seen the most anticipated event of Stars Hollow's last ten years. Practically the entire town was in attendance, each, at one time or another, having eaten in Luke's or at the Dragonfly, all privy to the friendship and then romance between the couple at the center of everything. They watched with teary glee as the bride's best friend and groom's brother-in-law and then the groom's nephew and newly found daughter sailed down the aisle, the ladies clad in copper and holding the smaller versions of the bride's bouquet. With oohs and aahs from the crowd, the bride's oldest daughter pushed her half brother down the aisle in his silvery white carriage, his face mirroring the same smile that his big sister possessed. When the bride's music began, they all turned toward the end of the aisle and saw the bride, a vision in white and copper, walk in time with her father, her face beaming, her eyes swimming, down the aisle towards the groom, who stood at the front of it all, grinning himself silly. Those in attendance saw the bride and the groom stand inside the chuppah that the groom himself had made for a different wedding all those years ago, a wooden reminder of a love then unspoken that today would be sealed with vows and a kiss.

As vows were exchanged, peppered by tears and the noises from the couple's youngest child, something magical happened in Stars Hollow. The entire town was overwhelmed, even if for just a moment, by the feeling that all was right with their world. Luke Danes and Lorelai Gilmore had come full circle and all of them had been there to see it. When Reverend Skinner told Luke that he could kiss his bride, he swept her up in an embrace that had all of the feelings of the last decade behind it. The kiss lasted several moments, accompanied by whistles and applause as everyone around them, the bridal party, the guests, and the bystanders celebrated this moment. Lorelai took her bouquet from her oldest daughter and marched back down the aisle with her husband, throwing her arms around him at the end of it. As the bridal party made their way back down the aisle, the couple greeted them with handshakes and hugs. Luke gathered April under one arm, Lorelai pulled Rory to her, and, in the middle, they held Will as the photographer preserved the moment for their lives to come, a picture that would forever grace the homes of all involved.

"We're a family," they said to each other and finally it was true.

** center b /b /center **

Late into the night, the crowd danced and ate, enjoying carriage rides around the town while the bride and the groom tried to make their day last as long as possible. They weaved in and out of conversations, stopping to kiss each other when they heard the tinkle of silverware on crystal. They waltzed their way around the dance floor between cutting cakes and throwing things at their assembled guests.

** center b We're finally where we belong**

**True hearts together**

**No storm or misfortune too strong**

**For us to weather /b /center **

Lorelai's head rested on Luke's shoulder as they wound their way around the dance floor.

"Ready for the honeymoon?"

She smiled and sighed. "Yes! A whole week on Martha's Vineyard, just you and me."

"Just the two of us. No crazy townspeople."

"No Michel."

"No panicked phone calls about wedding plans."

"No parents."

"No kids."

"I don't know. You might miss them as soon as we're gone."

"I'm not bringing our kids on our honeymoon."

"Not even Will?"

"No, let your parents enjoy spoiling him for the week. They've been holding him all night. They wouldn't even let Babette take him back to the house. They did it themselves."

"I'm glad that they are enjoying him so much. They didn't do that with Rory."

"The situation was different then."

"True, true." Lorelai kissed Luke once again and laid her head back on his shoulder.

** center b We found the life we've been dreaming of**

**A world of our own and a real love /b /center **

"Do you think we'll ever get tired of doing that?"

"Kissing? No, I don't think I ever will."

Luke laughed softly and kissed her hand.

** center b I feel like I've known you**

**For a hundred million years**

**We were lovers back then**

**Will be again**

**World without end**

**Always /b /center **

"So we're married," Luke said softly.

"Yes, we are," Lorelai put a hand on his cheek.

"What's next?"

"Happily ever after?"

"How about another kid?"

"What? We just had one. He's eight months old. Remember him?"

"I don't mean right now. Maybe in another year or so. One more before we close up shop due to old age."

"Old age? Speak for yourself. I'm as lovely and charming as ever."

"And modest too."

"You're lovely too, you know. Especially tonight."

"Just think about it."

"Luke, how could I not?" Lorelai's eyes began to swim again. "I have been waiting for this all of my life. How could I not want to share it?"

Luke wiped a tear away. "Good."

** center b Always you**

**Beneath the sky of blue**

**Forever I'm on your side, whatever you do**

**Always you**

**Our love is tried and true**

**The good life is ours now, after all we've been through /b /center **

As the night drew to a close, Lorelai was sad to see all of the festivities come to an end. She hugged her daughter, stepdaughter, and nephew as they retreated to their house so that she and Luke could have the apartment above the diner for their wedding night. She walked once more around the square, taking in the sights and the sounds of her wedding day before they were all gone. When she was done with her sojourn, Luke took her by the hand and led her toward the diner. He unlocked that familiar door, the bell ringing their presence in the empty diner. He took her up into his arms, carrying her up the stairs to the opaque glass door of Luke's old apartment. She opened the door and Luke carried her across the threshold into their new life.

The apartment was lit by candles everywhere. Yellow daisies sat in a vase on the table and the sounds of quiet jazz played in the background. Champagne (and beer) sat chilling in a bucket on the table, two plates with wedding cake sitting next to it. She took in the setting and turned to Luke.

"Did you do this?"

"I set it up, but I think Jess and Rory readied it for us."

"This is amazing."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Of course, I do." She looked at him, standing there with hands stuffed in his pockets, and took him by the arm, pulling him towards her. "I love you, Luke Danes."

"I love you, Lorelai Danes."

In the still of the night, when all of the world was dark and quiet, Luke "Table for One" Danes and Lorelai "I'm sorry; can I get an industrial forklift for my emotional baggage" Gilmore laid in bed together, celebrating the love and life they had both been waiting for.

How does one end the unendable? By remembering that somewhere, in the hearts and minds of all near and far, the story still goes on.

**Fin**


End file.
